The Number One Reason Why You’re Not Happy
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Hey girl, let me ask you a question…Why aren’t you happy?
Maybe you’re not happy with your body, or with your relationships, or in your career, or being by yourself, or maybe you have absolutely no idea why you are unhappy.
Most of us are living very fortunate lives, yet we still find ourselves unhappy. Why is that?
In this episode of Embrace Your Real, I explore the reason behind our unhappiness and share a simple practice we can do to successfully break free. It's a practice I do daily that has taken me out of my deepest funks and has brought me my happiest days. I also discuss how happiness should never be conditional and if it is, you will chase happiness for the rest of your life.
So if you’re lacking happiness, peace, and contentment in your life, this episode is for you!
If you loved this episode, you’ll also love…
Episode 5: 10 Things I Do Every Morning To Win My Day
Episode 6: How to Take Control of Your Day and Live a More Positive Life
Hey there, beautiful human, you're listening to Embrace your Real with me, julie Ledbetter, a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I dish you a dose of real talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned. If you're ready to embrace your real, let's get in, let's go. Hello and welcome back to the Embrace your Real podcast. I am so thankful that you are on the other end of this audio listening. Wherever you are tuning in, all over the world, we are a hundred countries strong. Wherever you're tuning in, whatever you're doing whether you're walking, you're jogging, you're cooking, you're cleaning, you're working out, you're doing the dang thing you are choosing to show up for yourself, choosing to prioritize yourself. And I'm really excited about today's episode because we are living in some heavy times. Right now. We are living in times of just it feels just like constant new news coming out and constant negativity. And it's crazy, though, because in the midst of this negativity, you also see certain people thriving and staying joyful and staying hopeful and staying in peace, and oftentimes, if you are in this state of confusion, of frustration, of anxiety and just unhappiness, it can feel like what magic pill does this person have? Like, how are they staying so peaceful? And oftentimes, staying so peaceful? And oftentimes we lead to an assumption like, oh well, they just must. You know, everything must just be going perfectly in their life. And the matter of the fact is that all of us, every single one of us, is going through stuff, whether you see it online or you don't see it online. 98% of the time, you don't see the stuff that is going on in people's lives on a day-to-day because they're choosing not to show that part of them. But yet there are still people going through so much and they choose to have a hopeful, peaceful attitude.
02:16
And so today we're going to be talking about the reason you aren't happy. So if you are struggling with this, if you're struggling with just not feeling peaceful or you're constantly in a state of negativity or unhappiness, I want to ask you a question Like why aren't you happy? And that might be really easy for you to answer. Or you might ask that question to yourself and say, oh gosh, that question is actually a lot harder than I thought. Like why aren't you happy and at peace with your body? Why aren't you happy in your relationship or marriage or the relationship that you have with your parents or your kids or your friends. Why aren't you happy on your own, or happy at work, or happy in your life?
03:00
Most of us. If you are listening to this, you are very fortunate. We have listeners all over the world experiencing all different types of environments. But if you are listening to a podcast, it's likely that you have access to the internet, you have access to an app, you likely have a cell phone. You are listening to this, maybe in a car that you're driving. Like, if you really think about the world at large, you listening to this podcast on this very day, alive, breathing. You are fortunate, and yet we still find ourselves unhappy. Why is that?
03:42
Today, I want to dive deeper into this topic, but before I do, I want to share the review of the day. It comes from a devoted follower. She says Stellar podcast. I love Julie. I followed both she and her husband for four years. Julie speaks straight to my soul and oftentimes to my gut.
03:57
I listen to every podcast because, even if the title doesn't jump out at me, there's at least one piece of truth in there that either lights me on fire or sets me straight. This podcast also encourages me to reflect and to grow. And what are we if we are not growing? Do yourself a favor and listen to the Embrace Real podcast. You won't regret it. Thank you so much for the review. If you haven't already rated and reviewed the podcast, if you do listen on Apple Podcasts, the app all you got to do is scroll all the way down and you'll see the area to rate and review. It takes less than 60 seconds and it really does help us out in the podcast world. So, if you do, please screenshot it and send it to me in a DM and I will personally respond back. I love connecting with you guys.
04:39
All right, let's dive into the reason why you're not happy. All right, so let's dive into the reason why you are not happy. Could it be that you have the term the disease of more? Have you ever heard of this? This is a concept that was coined by Pat Riley, who is a Hall of Fame coach and led six teams to NBA championships. Now you're probably thinking Julie, are you really going to try and talk to us about sports? Hear me out for a moment, because there are so many teams that win championships year after year and then fall to the bottom. Riley says this is because they develop what's called the disease of more. It's not because other teams rise up and are better than them, but because they sabotage themselves by thinking they need more and more and more. At first, the more that they were striving for was to win the championship, but then, when they won, it was no longer enough for them, the more became other things like more money, more TV commercials, more endorsements, more accolades, more time playing, more, more, more. Their need for more took them away from what their ultimate purpose was. Now I think we all fall victim to the disease of more, and it's this disease that prevents us from being happy. You know what I'm talking about.
05:55
How many times have you thought or said out loud I'll be happy when I lose more weight, or I'll be happy when I make more money. Or I'll be happy when I travel more. I'll be happy when I have more love in my. Or I'll be happy when I make more money, or I'll be happy when I travel more. I'll be happy when I have more love in my life. I'll be happy when I'm appreciated more. The list of I will be happy when goes on forever and ever, and you might be sitting here listening. I don't actually say that. Well, if you don't actually say that, then let me take it a step further. Do your actions say that?
06:24
Are you continuously telling yourself you can't be content right now because you're striving for x, y and z, because your parents said something growing up and you really feel like you need to achieve this, because you really want to make them proud, or you feel like you should be further along in your life by now? Right, I just turned 30, a huge milestone in my life. When I was back in high school, I thought by now I'd have two kids. I thought my life would look totally different. So I could easily fall into this trap of well, when I X, y and Z, then I will actually feel more of my age. Even that is something in a trap of comparison that so many of us struggle with.
07:07
So I want you to take a moment to look at your life. What do you wish you had more of? When do you think you'll be actually happy? Like, seriously, pause this episode and take five minutes to think about this. If you say, I don't have five minutes, girl, this is your life. Your life is flashing before your eyes. Like I said before, I turned 30 a couple weeks ago and I'm thinking back and I'm like, oh my gosh, I've been on this earth for 30 years and I think it's crazy because we often go through similar things on a day to day and it feels like our life is not really going that fast. Similar things on a day-to-day and it feels like our life is not really going that fast. But then when you take a step back and you actually think about, oh my gosh like for me, I graduated high school 11 years ago that is so crazy to think about. It just feels like yesterday. So I need you to prioritize this when is it that you think you'll be happy and what is it that you think you need more of? What is it that your actions are telling you? You still need more. You still need more.
08:09
We need to let go of these ideas that we've developed in our minds of what we think will make us happy, because the secret to happiness, the secret to contentment, the secret to peace is to learn to be happy where you are right now. Yes, you can still work towards your goals and be happy. Yes, you can still try to lose weight and be happy, no matter how much money you wish you were making, you can still be content right now. No matter how badly you want to find the one, you can still be happy on your own. No matter where you are in your life right now, regardless of where you want to be, you can still look at this moment right now, right where you're at, and be happy.
08:57
Oftentimes when you think I'll be happy when, when you get there, you're still not happy, there will be still something that you need more and more of, and you won't be happy until when you get there. You're still not happy. There will be still something that you need more and more of and you won't be happy until you get it, and this cycle will just continue on and on. For example, if you want to allow yourself to be happy until you lose x amount of weight, once you lose it, you're just going to think you need to lose more weight and won't be happy again until you do. Or, worse yet, you're going to be down even more pounds than you thought and you're going to be looking at the mirror and you're going to be asking yourself my goodness, what is it going to take for me to feel confident? Girl? I'm telling you right now it's not losing another pound, it's not doing another rep. That's not going to make you feel confident.
09:41
What's going to make you feel confident is stopping right now and asking yourself what is standing in my way, between me, and peace between me, and feeling at peace with myself. What is it that is standing in the way of that? And that's what you got to deal with. It is far beyond a surface issue. This is a heart issue. This is a mind issue. This is something that you have to dig deep and, yes, it's going to feel uncomfortable and, yes, it's going to feel awkward if you've never done it, but I'm telling you that you learning to be yourself and learning to understand what is truly going on in that brain of yours. We have over 60 to 80,000 thoughts per day. What is feeding your brain, what is feeding your soul?
10:26
That's what you got to look at, because if you won't allow yourself to be happy until you make more money and once you make more money, you think you got to make more money and then you continue to find yourself unhappy I don't want that cycle for you. I don't want you to in every single area of your life, whether it's career, whether it's your life, whether it's career, whether it's physical, whether it's mental, whether it's whatever it is. I don't want you to constantly be in the state of more, and I will only be happy when I need you to stop that, because that is no way to live. This is why you need to learn to be happy where you are, regardless of where you want to go. Otherwise, the rest of your life, you're going to be chasing happiness and you're never going to find it. We don't want to chase happiness and never find it. We want to live happy.
11:19
There are two ways to look at every situation. You could look at it through the lens of it's not enough, I need more. Or you could look at it through the eyes of even though I'm working for more, I can still acknowledge and appreciate what I have or who I am, or where I am in my life. Now I'm not saying you shouldn't have or strive for more goals. I am saying that you shouldn't wait to be happy. You should never postpone your happiness. You are allowed to be happy no matter what. Happiness does not hold conditions. Happiness is something you are always capable of experiencing if you allow yourself to.
11:58
So how do you overcome the disease of more and let go of your conditions for happiness. It all comes down to one thing. I've talked about it before. I'll continue to talk about it, because we have to live in the state of gratitude. I know, like I said, you probably are rolling your eyes like girl. You talk about gratitude all the time, but are you truly living in gratitude? Yeah, you could hear the term the coin term of gratitude. Choose gratitude every day, have a gratitude list, but are you truly living in gratitude? Because if you have the disease of more and feel unhappy, gratitude is the cure.
12:39
When we focus on what we don't have, we forget to focus on what we do have. When you're constantly distracted of I wish I had this and I wish I did this and I wish I was here and I wish I had more and more and more and more and more all that energy that you are wasting on wishing and hoping and praying for something more. You are literally forgetting and not even acknowledging or spending an ounce of your precious energy, focusing on what you do have right in front of you. You have a house, you have an apartment, you have a condo, you have a roof over your head. You could even go down there. Oh well, I wish I had a house. I'm still living in an apartment. I wish I was married. Here are all of these things that you could wish and hope for, but gratitude really humbles you. You have a stinking roof over your head. You have food in your belly. You have people in your life that love you. Every single person that is listening to the sound of my voice right now, every single person that is listening to the sound of my voice right now. I can promise you that you have five people in your life that love you. So so, so much. I promise you just got to look for it.
13:55
Ultimately, the more blessings that we acknowledge in our life, the more blessings we experience in our life, and the more blessings that we experience, the more happiness we experience. It's a domino effect. It's literally impossible to not be happy when you are swimming in blessings, because the more you recognize the blessings in your life, the more you realize you don't actually need more in your life. You already have it. Saying you should have more gratitude is such an airy statement, so I want you to make it more actionable. So here's my challenge for you For one month, I want you to write down five things that you are grateful for every single day.
14:38
If you are already doing that and you have done it consistently for the last 30 days, not missing one single day, then I want you have done it consistently for the last 30 days, not missing one single day. Then I want you to double it. I want you to look for 10 things that you are grateful for. Try not to write down the same things. Really think about all the things that you have to be grateful for. Maybe you're grateful for a great night's sleep. Maybe you're grateful for a fun date night or a FaceTime that you had, or a funny movie that you watched. Maybe you're grateful for enjoying a peaceful morning or new coffee creamer or something that you tried that was delicious. These things don't need to be big, profound things, because it's ultimately the small joys that we experience on a day-to-day that leads us to experiencing overall happiness in our life. This may seem silly and it may feel like is this exercise really gonna make a big impact? I promise you that if you are extremely unhappy in your life, if you are extremely just, not content, and you are constantly looking for more, it's going to look and feel like a silly exercise and you might even try and talk yourself out saying that this is not going to make a dent in my level of unhappiness.
15:49
I can promise you, speaking from experience who previously, over 24 months ago, never really followed a gratitude practice, to now following it daily. It is something daily that I do first thing in the morning. If you haven't already tuned in to my episode talking about the 10 things that set myself up for success, I talk about that in episode 5, 10 things I do every morning to win my day, so be sure to check that out if you haven't. But having a gratitude practice I owe massively to the peace that I have on a daily basis, the way that I look at my life, the way that I have just an optimistic mindset and a hopeful mindset of looking at things not happening to me but happening for me and constantly asking myself daily what are the small joys that I can look for today? And as a result, it's a domino effect in every other part of my life. And it is so powerful when you do it consistently. It has taken me out of my deepest funks and it has brought me my happiest days.
16:54
And if something as simple as writing five things that you're grateful for can drastically change your life. Why not give it a try? Why not see what it can do? So I don't just want you to listen and think, oh, that sounds great and then just move on listening to another podcast or doing whatever you're going about your day. I want you to take this seriously. I want you to actually take this to heart and do it. Maybe you have a journal that you write in every day and maybe you just want to type it into your notes on your phone. Whatever it is, whatever is going to make you do it daily for 30 days in a row Like I wish that I could say like 30 days in a row, or your money guaranteed back, whatever it is that is going to allow you to do this every single day.
17:40
Find a way, because by the end of 30 days, if you follow this every single day for 30 days, looking for the small joys in your life and even reminding yourself at night because oftentimes our mornings can be peaceful for the majority of us and then our day-to-day life happens and things start coming we lose track of what we started with in the morning. If you need to look back at that journal. Look back at that list right before you go to sleep. So that's the first and the last thing that you experience on a day to day. Do that for 30 days, right? So in the morning you're writing five things that you're grateful for. In the evening time you're looking at it and you're reminding yourself of those five things and then you're going to sleep and then you're waking up and you're doing if you do that for 30 days, it'll take less than seven minutes per day. It will bring so much joy into your life. Do it whatever works for you, do it, do it, do it.
18:39
This is the cure to the disease of more. I promise you swear by it. You can even literally look up like scientific evidence on gratitude and how it truly does change our wiring in our brain. It changes the way that we have thoughts daily. It changes our outcomes, all of the things. Like I said earlier, it is a domino effect. So my prescription to you, my challenge to you, is to write down five things that you're grateful for every day for one month. And then, after that one month, I want you to tell me how different you feel in your life. I want you to DM me. I want you to whatever you need to do to get a hold of me. You tag me on Instagram. I want you to do it all so that I can know and I can see how much your life has changed.
19:27
That is all that I have for today's episode, but I know if you loved this episode, you'll also love episode six how to take control of your day and live a more positive life If you find yourself having a bad day, or bad day after bad day, constantly feeling stressed, anxious day, or bad day after bad day, constantly feeling stressed, anxious, overwhelmed. In this episode, I discuss how experiencing these feelings are a choice and how there's another choice available to you. So it all depends on whether you allow your day to control you or you decide to control your day. So I've included that link in the show notes. Again, episode six how to take control of your day. I would love to hear what came from this. I would love to hear an aha moment. I would love to hear this. You know whatever came from this episode, so be sure to screenshot this, post it up on your story. Tag me, julia ledbetter.
20:19
Also, if you have somebody in your life that is struggling right now. I think we all do right now, in the times that we're at, we know at least three people in your life that is struggling right now. I think we all do right now, in the times that we're at. We know at least three people in our life that could use a little pep talk. I just want to encourage you to share this message with them. I love creating this content, this long form audio content, because it is allowing me to reach places and reach ears that I never knew was possible, and all it takes is one message sent of hey, I don't know where you're at right now and I don't know if this is gonna help, but here you go, take a listen when you're cleaning, take a listen, go for a walk. That's the least we can do in this moment for people that we love that are all experiencing so many different emotions during this time. So, if you're listening on Spotify or you're listening on Apple Podcasts, all you got to do is click the three dots in the top right If you look at your screen right now and you'll see the ability to copy the link. You can also share it on your social platforms, but share it out to your friends. Three people. I'm challenging you to share this with three people in your life that could benefit from it, and I would love to see what comes from it.
21:26
Thank you so much for tuning in, and I will talk to you guys in the next episode. All right, sister, that's all I got for you today, but I have two things that I need you to do. Esther, that's all I got for you today, but I have two things that I need you to do. First thing if you are not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so. Julie A Ledbetter yes, it's with an A in the middle For that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world, and I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace your real, because you're worth it.