7 Ways to Become More Self Aware

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One of the number one questions I get asked is how am I so confident! And to be honest with you, confidence has been something I have been working on for a very, very long time, but I actually didn’t work on being MORE confident, I worked on being MORE self-aware.

Why?

Because the more you know and understand yourself and the more grounded and rooted you feel within yourself, the less validation you’ll secure, the less insecure you’ll feel, and the less unsure of yourself you’ll be.

So how do you practice self-awareness?

I have ten questions I asked myself to help me build that awareness. I want you to press pause on this episode, take out a pen and paper, or the notes app on your phone, and write done the following 12 questions that I am going to share with you in this episode.

If you loved this episode, you’ll also love…

Episode 23: 5 Steps to Building Unshakeable Confidence and Episode 28: Struggling? You’re Not the Only One!

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TRANSCRIPT:

Hey there beautiful human, you're listening to Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter, a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I dish you a dose of real talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned if you're ready to embrace your real, let's get in, let's go.

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of the Embrace Your Real Podcast. So incredibly grateful that you are here spending some time with me today. I am so excited about today's episode, I truly believe that self-awareness is one of the key components, especially on our journey of embracing our real and becoming more confident. Even in our successes in our life, I think a lot of them can be rooted back to how self-aware were you in that moment, and recognizing your weaknesses and strengths and really capitalizing on that.

And this is actually one of the number one questions that I get asked when it comes to confidence, and to be honest with you, I have been working towards becoming more self-aware for a pretty long time. I would say especially within the last 24 months, I have really tried to focus on asking myself what my core beliefs are, asking myself what I'm best at, what I'm not good at, what I can outsource, how I can become more aware of myself and my surroundings and how I act in certain situations, and I truly believe that self-awareness is a key component of this for so long in my life.

I lived the majority of my teenage and early twenties growing up, being the furthest from confident. It has taken a lot of time, effort, faith, lots of tears for me to get to where I am, but I believe that if I can do it, I know you can. And when I say confidence is something that I've been working on, I know a lot of people are like, "Yeah, but how do you work on confidence?" I think that that's a question that a lot of people ask, and that was me for a long time. I saw so many people in my life that either I knew, or just looked up to, that were so confident, and I was always scared to ask them, how are you so confident, or what did you do to get there? So today I want to share just this journey of becoming more self-aware as I believe that it is a critical component to confidence.

But before I do, I have to share this super-sweet review. It comes from KHuffman2. She says, "This podcast that changed my life in so many ways. I started following Julie on Instagram in October when I was in the beginning of my starting eating disorder recovery. After seeing her post multiple times talking about her podcast, I decided to check it out. I never listened to a podcast before, and now it's the only thing I ever do. This podcast came into my life, and I never felt so afraid, alone, and mentally and physically exhausted, but knew that I needed help. After hearing Julie story, listening to her advice and expertise, I can't begin to describe how much it has helped in my recovery. I get emotional halfway through listening to most of the podcasts because of how relatable they are, and every time I think, I just want to give her a hug and be best friends with her. Thank you, Julie, for being real, raw, and an encouraging and beautiful soul inside and out. Your story, message, and energy has helped me in more ways than I can ever describe."

This is why I do what I do. For those of you guys who don't know, I struggled for a decade plus my life with an eating and body image disorder, and if I can help one person like this recognize your worth and recognize that it is worth fighting for, it is worth fighting the good fight and remembering that you are so much more than your body, are so much more than how much weight you can lose, or how much weight you are, or whatever it is that's holding you back. So I am so incredibly grateful for you, thank you for this review, thank you for every single one of you guys who rate and review the podcast, who share it with your friends, it truly does not go unnoticed. If you could go over to Apple Podcasts, be sure to subscribe to the podcast, number one and two, if you could click that rate and review it, scroll all the way down you'll see it, that really does help us out so, so much in the podcast world, and it would mean the absolute world to me if you went ahead and did that.

Okay, so let's dive into becoming more self-aware and how this ties into confidence. I really felt like the more that I wanted to become more confident, the more this whole self-awareness thing started popping up. And I truly believe it's because the more that you know and understand yourself, the more grounded and rooted you feel within yourself, the less validation you'll secure, and the less insecurity that you feel, the less unsure of yourself that you'll actually be.

So how do you practice self-awareness? If you've never practiced self-awareness or never really dove into this topic of self-awareness, I have seven questions that I'm going to go through that really helped me build my self awareness. So if you at any time want to press pause on this episode, you can take out a pen and paper, or the notes app on your phone, that will really, really help you out. But I'm going to go through each question and expand a little bit on it, and then just wrap up showing you why these seven questions are so important in building your self-awareness.

So question number one is, what are your core beliefs? Core beliefs are basic beliefs about ourselves, other people, the world that we live in, the things that we hold to be our personal truth. Something we accept as truth without question. Whether we actually believe that it's true or not, these are core beliefs that determine how you perceive, how you interact with the world, and your mind lives your life around these things, oftentimes without even thinking about them, without even questioning them or ever really being aware of them.

So some of these core beliefs could be that I'm not enough, or that because I did X, Y, and Z I'm not enough, or maybe you growing up, you saw what success in, maybe your family's eyes, looked like, thus that became a core belief that you didn't even realize was instilled in you as a young child. This could be that you're more than enough. Maybe you came from a family of endless opportunities in the sense of your parents believed in you, your parents cheered you on, your parents were there for you through the failures, through the ups, through the downs, and they always believed that you could do it.

Maybe that your family sabotaged you and your past growing up, with the situations that just came on you when you were a child, that sabotaged you and that tainted you. Or maybe you believe that you're not pretty enough, or that you can't do it because of maybe something that somebody said, or the actions that people have done to you in the past, all of these things are core beliefs. On the flip side of that, some other beliefs could be that you are not pretty enough to go after this opportunity. Maybe someone said something to you, or you grew up in a family of just constant criticism and feeling this pressure to prove, and never feeling enough for your parents, or for your friends, or for your teachers, or whoever the people were in your life. Or maybe it's the flip side, maybe the people in your life, they told you that you are more than enough, and you could do anything that you pursue as long as you go after it with your heart and your belief, you can accomplish anything.

So do you see what I'm getting at with these core beliefs? These core beliefs could be positive, or they could be negative, but I think it's really, really important that we, number one, ask ourselves, what are the core beliefs right now that I'm allowing myself to believe, that maybe I don't want to believe? Maybe I want to choose to believe something else, maybe I want to start to write a different narrative of my life other than what I have been subconsciously believing for the majority of my life. And then on the flip side of that asking yourself, what are these core beliefs that I am believing that are very positive things that maybe I have slowly allowed to drift away, or I have not truly allowed myself to believe them. I think it's very, very important that you are very in tune with the beliefs that you have both allowed yourself to believe, just through experience, through the things that people have said to you, the things that you've allowed yourself to believe, and what your true core beliefs, what you want them to be.

So it's going to take some time for you to go through, and it's going to be an emotional process. I'm telling you, I do this very frequently, and every time I ask myself, "Okay, what are the core beliefs that I'm holding on to true and valuable in my life right now?" And some stuff always comes up. I always try to make this a very surface level activity, and I'm just going to be frank with you, it's not. It's going to require some feelings that are raw and real, but the beautiful thing about growth is that there is so much beauty and pain, and allowing yourself to feel it and be okay with it, make peace with it, and continue forward. So what are the beliefs that you're allowing yourself to listen to, and have believed in the past, and what are your current core beliefs, or core beliefs that you want to pursue?

Question number two, what qualities do you hold as a person? Are you strong, dedicated, determined, committed, hardworking, enthusiastic, loving, caring, kind? Are you helpful, reliable, stable, or are you the opposite of those things? I want you to write down a list of the qualities that you possess, the good, the bad, the ugly, the things that maybe you were taught from your parents or peers growing up, and that could be good or bad, or the things that maybe you took on as an adult. I know for me I have taken on certain qualities that I'm like, "Oh, I actually don't really like that about myself." But being self aware enough to recognize it is so, so important. So write those down, and you want to ensure that you write down both so you can really see all of both the amazing qualities that you hold, but also, like I said, become more aware of the qualities that you can work on.

So once you have that list, and you have become aware of both the good, the bad, the ugly qualities, I want you to make a list of three qualities that you can commit to the next eight weeks on working on. This could be that you want to become more dedicated, or you want to be more aware in loving the people that are in your life, loving them well. Maybe it's that you want to work on becoming more reliable. I know for me this is kind of a weird thing. I am naturally outgoing person, but over the last year of just being in quarantine, for some reason I think I've resorted into very introverted ways. And I'm not saying that introvert is bad by any means, but I feel like that has almost made me a little bit flaky. And I hate saying that, and so that's a quality that I really want to work on, becoming more reliable.

So letting my yeses be yeses and not backing out, whether it's meeting with a friend, or doing whatever it is, it could be a project, it could be holding myself to a certain standard, it could be telling a friend that I want to meet them and then never really following up. It's so, so important to me that I am a reliable person. So that's a specific quality that I really want to work on. And especially, I just want to be known for my reliability. This can kind of tie into making sure that you are creating healthy boundaries, so letting your yeses be yeses and your nos be nos, and creating a healthy boundary, but also extending yourself, and giving of yourself, and being that reliable person that your friend, your coworker, your family can call on anytime of the day.

Question number three, what do you value most? What is most important to you? Your family, your career, your faith, your personal aspirations, being a good person, showing up as your best self in the world? If you sit down and look at your life, what do you hold near and dear to your heart? I think oftentimes we lack confidence because of something that we don't even value, which I know can make no sense, but is something that many of us do. So looking at your core values, going back to that and asking yourself, what are the core values that I want to be true? That's going to help you realize that the confidence you lack doesn't actually matter if you align your life with what you value most.

So for example, let's say you lack confidence in your body, but your core value is being the best mom and wife you can be. Guess what? You can be the best mom and wife without having the perfect body that you think you need to have to be those things. Remember that you are so much more than your flesh, you are so much more than your body, you are the content of your character. So you being a good mom has nothing to do with what you physically look like. It's how loving and caring you are, it's how much you allow them in on your life and teach them. It's you nurturing them, it's you having fun with them, it's the memories that you share. So just remember that, I never want you to feel like your worth is higher if your body is leaner.

Please remember that the things that we look back on as humans being nurtured by other people is, were they there for me? Did they teach me in good ways? I know for me, the way that I look at my mom is, she's always been there for me. She prays for me, she encourages me, she believes in me, she takes time out of her day to chat with me, and those are the things that I hold near and dear to my heart, and those are the things that I hope to carry on one day when I am a mother. And so I just want to encourage you and remind you that your physical body, it means absolutely nothing with your worth. And that doesn't mean to say that you can't have physical goals. I believe that you can work towards your physical goals, and you can use that as an opportunity to become your most energized self and allow yourself to feel good and confident in your skin. But just remember that you being the best mom that you can be really does have nothing to do with your physical body.

Question number four, how do you react in different situations and surroundings? It's so good to become aware of how you react, because then you start changing the way that you can react if you first are aware of how you're reacting. So for example, if you often find yourself timid in certain situations, or in certain surrounds, you can challenge yourself to step outside your comfort zone. If you find yourself stressed in conversations, or situations that come up in your life, you can allow yourself to control your stress levels and ask yourself, what is it that's actually triggering it? Because oftentimes there's a deeper reason why you react in the way that you do. It could be a simple thing that you're just not getting enough sleep, or maybe it's that you just don't feel like you're doing enough for yourself to prioritize yourself so that you can give others in your best capacity. There's always a deeper reason why.

So the next time that you react in a situation that maybe you didn't want to react that way, take a step back, dig deeper and ask yourself, why did I respond this way? Why is stress being my natural response in this certain situation? Figuring out the why is just as important as determining the how, and it's actually going to help you become better the next time that that situation may come up.

Question number five, what are your weaknesses and what are your strengths? When was the last time you asked yourself this? We have a tendency to focus on our weaknesses and not enough on our strengths. We allow our weaknesses to overpower us, and soon enough, it's all we can see within ourselves. All we can see is everything that we're not good at, or everything that we want to be better at but we're just not up to par here. You have to actively sit down and remind yourself of what you're actually amazing at. And I think that this is so important, especially when it comes to staying in your own lane.

There is a reason why we are all put on this earth, and every single one of us does not have a carbon copy purpose. And that in and of itself should be freeing, because the society city that we live in needs to have every one of us working together, and think about how beautiful this society would be if we all truly were walking in our own lane. We were all created for a purpose, multiple purposes, I believe, and we all have so many strengths. And what if we capitalized on those strengths and gave less thought to our weaknesses, think about how much more, number one, productive your life would be, and number two, how much more fulfilling it would be because you're actually focusing on the things that you're good at, the things that you enjoy.

Now this doesn't mean that you can't work on your weaknesses. I believe that it's important to work on our weaknesses, and I believe that it's important for us to acknowledge our weaknesses, because without that, we're either not going to be able to get the help that we need in our life, or we're not going to be able to work towards making that weakness become less of a weakness and more of a strength. So focusing on your strengths and weaknesses, really laying them out there, black and white with no emotion, our human tendency is to dwell on all of those weaknesses. I don't want you to do that, I want you to look at this and say, okay, these are my God-given natural strengths, these are the things that I feel super good at, these are the things that I actually really enjoy. And then looking at some of your weaknesses and say, man, I really wish that this wasn't that much of a weakness, so how can I turn this weakness into a strength?

I think when we really have the lens of looking at our weaknesses with gratitude and saying, I have the opportunity to make this weakness a strength, and that's a beautiful thing in and of itself that I live in a world of opportunities, and I live in a world where I can make my weaknesses become strengths if I work at them, instead of beating yourself up. Beating yourself up and telling yourself that you're not good enough is not going to move you to action.

Question number six, what makes you feel good mentally, physically, and emotionally, and what makes you feel bad mentally, physically, and emotionally? If we feel our best, it's hard not to be confident. But many of us aren't actually aware of what contributes to us feeling our best, and what makes us feel our worst. I need you to start paying attention throughout your day, build your awareness. When you feel bad, or when you feel mentally or physically or emotionally drained, I need you to reflect on the things that you've done, the things that you were eating, the people you spent time with, did you get enough sleep? Did you move your body? Did you figure out the root issue? It's just like what I was talking about, how you got to dig deeper when it comes to reacting in certain situations.

It's the same thing when you're feeling good or when you're feeling bad. I think oftentimes we just have this tendency to just go through the motions and let life happen to us, and I'm telling you that that is no way to live. You have to be present in the moment and ask yourself, man, it's okay that I'm feeling bad right now, but why am I feeling like this? Is it because I'm consuming way too much social media? Is it because I'm falling into the trap of comparison? Is it because I am around these people that are not building me up in my character and they're not speaking to me with loving words, or is it that you're just simply not fueling your body optimally? There's so many factors, but it starts with you being more aware.

So I need you to do that, both when you feel good and when you feel bad, and I want you to do the same with when you feel good. Reflect on the things that you've done, the things that you've eaten, the people that you've spent your time with, reflect on the root of why you are feeling good and focus on that, and work towards those things that are not making you feel good. Really make an effort to try to flip the narrative, to try to flip the situation, get out of those circles of friends that maybe are not building you up. Get out of the activities that are draining you, try to create more boundaries in your life so that you can feel good more.

Question number seven, what makes you fulfilled in your heart and in your mind? If you focus on what makes your heart and your mind happy and at peace and fulfilled, you will likely pursue that, and as a result there will be absolutely no reason to lack confidence. I think a lot of times people lack confidence because they lack fulfillment in their life. They're constantly living in this narrative that they have maybe grown up with, thinking that they're just not good enough, or they're just not smart enough, or they're not able to do X, Y, and Z. The more that you can actually live your authentic self and embrace your real and do what makes you feel happier and more fulfilled, you will likely find yourself overflowing with confidence. And that's the beautiful thing about our human experience is that we have the opportunity every single day that we wake up, to choose to chase things that fulfill us, and choose to turn away from things that drain us, give us anxiety, and give us stress. Do more of what fulfills you and makes you happy and I promise that confidence will come.

So there you have it, those are the seven questions that you need to ask yourself to become more self-aware, thus creating more confidence in your life. And like I said, this is an episode that I want you to bookmark, I want you to go back to. These are some questions that you can ask yourself periodically throughout the year, or if you find yourself in transition in your life asking yourself, I'm okay, I'm going to go through those seven questions, I'm going to ask myself how can I become more self-aware with myself with where I'm at. It's so, so important, so I'm going to recap those seven questions.

Number one, what are your core beliefs, and to kind of piggyback off that, what are the beliefs that you have allowed yourself to believe growing up? And what are the core beliefs that you want to believe? Whether you're believing them already, or you are pursuing to believe those as core belief. Number two, what qualities do you hold as a person? Number three. What do you value most? Number four, how do you react different in situations and different surroundings? Number five, what are your weaknesses and what are your strengths? Number six, what makes you feel good mentally, physically, and emotionally, and what makes you feel bad or drains you mentally, physically, and emotionally. And question number seven, what makes you feel more fulfilled in your heart and mind? It is so important, on this journey of becoming more confident and living our most authentic lives, that we become more in tune with who we are. We've become more aware of what it is that drives us and what it is that holds us back.

I hope that you found this episode helpful. If you have a friend, or a coworker, or a sister, or if someone in your life that you feel like would really benefit from this practical episode, I just ask that you copy the link, you'll see probably three dots on your screen right now that you're looking at for the podcast, if you click that you'll be able to copy the link, you can share it with them in a text message, you can post it up on your social media, screenshot this. Tag me @JulieALedbetter, Post it up on your Instagram story. I love seeing your aha moments, I would love to know what came from this episode for you.

Thank you so much for tuning in, if you loved this episode, I know you will also love episode 23, five steps to building unshakable confidence. So be sure to go back to the episode log and tune into episode 23, I will also link it in the show notes. Thank you so much for tuning in, and I will talk to you guys in the next episode.

All right, sister, that's all I got for you today, but I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you're not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so, JulieALedbetter, yes, it's with an a in the middle, for that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks, and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me, it means the absolute world, and I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace your real, because you're worth it.