7 Things to Stop Apologizing For
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As women, we LOVE to apologize, and as women on a health journey, we love to apologize even more. Why do we feel the need to apologize for doing the things that are in alignment with who we want to become? Sister, it’s time we STOP apologizing. We are allowed to take up space in this world, and we are allowed to do and say and be whatever feels most authentic to us without feeling the need to apologize. So in this episode, I’m going to walk you through 7 things we need to stop apologizing for ASAP.
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TRANSCRIPT:
Hey there, beautiful humans. You're listening to Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter. A podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I dish you a dose of real talk and actionable advice fr building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned if you're ready the embrace your real. Let's get it, let's go.
Hello and welcome back to the Embrace Your Real podcast. I'm so grateful that you are here spending some time with me today wherever you are in this beautiful world, whether you're walking, you're jogging, you're cooking, you're cleaning, you're driving. You are doing the dang thing, girl. You care choosing to show up to prioritize yourself to become the best possible version of yourself so that you can go out into this world and serve others in your best capacity.
Now today we're talking about apologizing. Now as a woman, we love to apologize. Especially as a woman on a health journey, we love to apologize even more but newsflash, it's 2020, the year of unpredictable. But the one thing that we can predict is that we need to stop apologizing. We are allowed to take up space in this world. We are allowed to do and say and be whatever feels most authentic to us without feeling the need to apologize.
So in this episode, I'm going to walk you through seven things that we need to stop apologizing for ASAP. If you can, if you are able to take some notes, whether it's on your phone, a piece of paper, or just mental notes, I want you to start paying attention to these seven things to see how many times whether you out loud say it verbally or just in your head you apologize for these things.
But before I dive into today's episode, you know I need to share this super sweet review of the day comes from Be Someone's Sunshine. First of all, love that username. "Five stars, five stars, five stars. I cannot rate this podcast high enough. Julie always has the most intentional and genuine messages to share, and it's always about something that I need to hear. Thank you for truly being a positive light and radiating so far to reach so many. Your podcast is my jam, girl. Love you so much. Now let's get it, let's go." Heck yeah, you know I say that all the time. Thank you so much for the review. I have been loving reading your reviews lately. Thank you for taking time out of your day. I know that your day is so busy, and I know that time is such a precious commodity. But I just want to say thank you. It really does help out the podcast.
We have an audacious goal of reaching one million woman by the end of 2020, and I cannot do that alone. So if you do listen on Apple Podcasts, even if you've already left a review, if you are loving a specific episode, you can leave a review and just say, "Hey, episode blank really spoke to me. I loved it because of this." I love just reading your feedback on the podcast.
All right. So let's dive in to the seven things that you need to stop apologizing for.
Number one, looking like a mess. How many times do you run into somebody randomly at the store, if you're wearing no makeup, your hair's in a messy bun, you're in the long, big husband sweatshirt, and you say, "Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry I look like a mess," or you pop on Instagram stories and that's the first thing that you identify? You pop up on the story and you're like, "Hey, I know I'm looking like a hot mess." And I have honestly stopped myself so many times, and there's still times that I look back on my stories and I'm like, "Man, oftentimes I do this without even consciously knowing." In the moment, it's just this automatic response that we feel the need, we need to apologize for what we look like. Like we need to tell them, "I'm sorry that I look like a mess."
I know that so many of us have done this because I've seen myself do it so many times. I've seen so many of my girlfriends do it. I've seen so many people on social media do it. We have to top apologizing, even for the little things like this. You need to show up as you unapologetically, whether you have makeup on or not, whether your hair is done or not, whether your outfit is perfect and on point or not. Regardless, you should not feel the need to apologize for being you.
We all go through different seasons of our life, whether you just had a baby and you are in the zombiest mode of your life. You are not getting enough sleep. You feel really stressed. You have a deadline at work. Maybe everything's going crazy with your kids being at home, and you are trying to balance work and also being now a homeschool mom. Please, the last thing that you need to do to add to your plate is feel like you need to apologize for showing up like you. Be you, don't apologize for it.
Number two, your priorities and your boundaries. I know so many of us feel guilty for putting yourself first and sticking to your priorities. I know it because I talk to women all day long. That's my job. If working out is your priority and you want to feel good, please do not apologize for having to squeeze in a workout, or if you're going to bed at a certain time and that's a priority for you, please do not apologize telling people that you have to leave early. You have to own your priorities, and you have to own them without justification of why you're doing what you're doing.
I think that's so important that we prioritize things in our life and own it. I see so many times people want to own something. They want to prioritize it. But they have such a hard time owning it. So as a result, they find themselves in this viscous cycle of not actually following through and reaching the goals that they have because they have a priority but they have not chosen to own it. And so they're letting other people or circumstances dictate the win because they're not owning it. It's like maybe one day it's a priority but the next day it's not.
And also, to piggyback off of that, having boundaries in life is so important. I have talked about this on the podcast before. You have to remember that you deserve to have boundaries. Whether it's boundaries for yourself, boundaries for you and your husband, your significant other, you and your family, just creating specific boundaries for specific relationships in your life is so important. You deserve to have them. You deserve for others to respect them as well.
Place your boundaries, hold others to your boundaries, and don't think twice about it. The more you apologize for having a specific boundary in place, the less people will actually take them seriously. If you haven't already read Boundaries by David Townsend and Henry Cloud, it is such a good book on boundaries because my goodness, we all need it in some way. Whether it's with our family, it's with our friends, it's with our week. Key component that will help to ensure that you show up to those different roles in your best self.
Boundaries are there for us. They should not be something that we should steer away from. We shouldn't be scared of them. So really dig in and I encourage you to learn more about boundaries and placing them in your life.
Number three, what you eat. Now this one is one that a lot of people struggle with, and I know because it's my job to talk with women all day long. And a question that I get asked a lot is how do I stop feeling guilty for eating a pizza or how do I stop feeling guilty for making the choosing that I'm making to honor and nourish my body? Ultimately most of the time when we feel insecure, we tend to apologize.
If we choose to have a pizza and somebody else is eating a salad and we have fit the pizza into our macros or we just want to eat the dang pizza, we oftentimes almost feel this need to apologize if someone around us is eating a salad. Like, "Oh, I'm sorry." Or if they comment on it like, "Oh, that must be nice that you're eating a pizza," we almost feel this need to apologize. Or if we're like really feeling like nourishing our body with nutrient dense food and we choose to have a salad that has nothing about restricting our bodies, but we want to honor our body with a salad and someone says something like, "Well, why don't you just have a slice of pizza?" It's almost like we feel the need to apologize for our choices, and my goodness, can we please just all make a vow that we stop this because oftentimes this commentary on food, this commentary on your doing this or you're not doing this is stemming from an insecurity. Whether it's coming from you and you feel the need to apologize, or it's coming from somebody else and they wish that they had the balance you had. So they're taking it out in a sly comment or a sly remark.
So please just stop apologizing for what you eat. I think the biggest thing to recognize, especially when you really start learning to nourish your body and finding balance with foods is to own your choices. If you want a dang salad, eat the dang salad and own it. If you want the freaking pizza, eat the pizza and own it.
Number four, being assertive and saying what you want. This just literally goes off of what I was just talking about. But you have to learn to own what you say. Owning what you say does not make you bossy, and it does not make you a witch. Take out the W and put in a B. We are allowed to speak our truth. We are allowed to speak what we are feeling, and we are allowed to speak what we want. We don't need to defend ourselves or be afraid to be bold, direct, or matter of a fact. It's okay to be demanding in our life sometimes. So I want you to be assertive and be confident in your choices, and let your yeses be yeses and your noes be noes. And stop apologizing for it. There's no need to apologize for you standing up for what you believe in.
Number five, the shape or size of your body. This one is a big one. It's a big topic, and it's one that makes me so sad because I've experienced it in my life. And honestly, this is something that I just talked about on my Instagram. I am doing a giveaway with Fran Denim. By the time this is up, the giveaway has been over. But if you are looking for denim that fits your legs and that celebrates strength, go check out Fran Denim. They're amazing. Not an ad but I love this company. I love what they stand for, and their denim is awesome.
But you have to learn to own your shape. You have to learn to own your body, and I think for years in my life, I thought that if I didn't fit into something, it had to do with my body. And so it was my problem. But what I would do was I would try to change my body to fit into X, Y, and Z clothes, and when I realized that I was going to the extremes and I still couldn't fit into a pair of jeans that was not created for my body, I immediately started apologizing to myself. Like, "Oh, I'm so sorry, body, that I can't fit into these jeans. They're so cute." And I would like start shaming my body. And I think we do this so often whether it's consciously or subconsciously. But we have to start owning our body, and part of that is finding clothes that you feel good in that accentuate the body that you're building so that you can go out there and rock them with confidence. And it's all about learning to be appreciative of the body that you have, and doesn't mean that you can't have a goal of being stronger or wanting to change your body in whatever way. But just know that if you're thinking that once your body is changed that you're going to gain confidence, please know that 99.9% of the time that's not the truth.
So go into a lifestyle change with the intention of honoring your body and saying, "Because I love myself so much, I want to feel X way. So I'm going to do this." Instead of being like, "I hate my body. So if I do X, then I will hopefully become confident and I can change my body." If you just see those two types of thinking, the outcome of the first one I promise you will serve you for a lifetime and you will no longer feel the need to apologize for the shape of your body or try to change your body because you're not fitting into a certain clothes or you don't look like your friends or whatever. That was me. For years of my life, I was always the tallest, the most developed, and as a result, I felt like something was wrong with my body growing up. And it wasn't until now in my 30s where I'm like, "What was I thinking? I wasted so much of my mental capacity and energy thinking that my body, something was wrong with it. When in reality, it was my mindset that needed to shift."
Number six, saying no. Oh, this is a big one. This is a big one. Please, please, please know that saying no is okay. Please, K-N-O-W that saying N-O is okay. In fact, saying no is more than okay. Saying no does not make you a bad person. It does not mean that you don't care. It doesn't mean that anything except for the fact that you are choosing to put yourself first and put your needs first. If something doesn't feel right or if something doesn't fit your schedule, if something requires more energy than you actually have, if someone is asking way too much of you, if someone isn't respecting your time or whatever it might be, it's okay to say no. And it's okay to say no without apologizing, without an explanation, without an excuse, and without a justification.
You are allowed to say no and just leave it at that. You can say the following: No, I can't. No, not right now. No, thank you. No, maybe next time. No, but thank you of thinking of me. Or just a simple no. Don't overthink it. Just say no. And honestly, one thing that I learned with this is I'm a yes man. And I think this probably goes with my Enneagram number Three, but I feel the need to say yes first to everything because I don't want people to think, "Oh my gosh. She's the one that always says no." But what I've actually learned is that I am so protective of my time and of my energy that saying no first allows me the truly evaluate if it is something that I do want to do.
So what I want to encourage you to do if you are like me and you like to say yes first or you have a hard time saying no which leads you to constantly overbook yourself to the point of just exhaustion and frustration and feeling like you're always on your last thread, I encourage you to flip the switch and try saying no to everything first. And then allow yourself the opportunity to decide if it something that you want to go forward.
So even when I say say no first, it doesn't always mean saying actual no to the person right away. In your mind, say no, and then ask yourself if you said no, how would that feel? And that would allow you the opportunity to really think about it before you give an answer. And this could even be like, "That's so awesome. Thank you for thinking of me. Let me take a look at my schedule, and I'll get back to you." That's a great way of allowing yourself the opportunity to say no first, kind of measure it, see if you're going to be up for it. See if you can do it, and if it's a yes, that's great. And then you feel great. If it's a no, own that no and don't feel the need to apologize. So own your noes.
Number seven, having goals and dreams. Oh my goodness, I think so often we easily let others let us feel guilty for having big goals and big dreams. We let other people tell us that if we did that, we wouldn't be a good mom or a wife or whatever roles that you play. Or they will say something manipulative along the lines of, "You don't need another thing on your plate," or, "You look great just the way you are." Sadly, a few of these comments from the people that we love most will oftentimes stop us from even taking the first step towards our dreams and goals.
So I think so often we feel the need to apologize whether we're out loud saying it or it's just in our actions of timidness of us not going full force in our goals and our dreams because we're scared of what other people are going to think. Whether your goal is to start a side business, to run a marathon, to get stronger, to write a book, or heck, I've even seen people that I know literally selling all of their stuff and moving into an RV so that they can see and travel the country. Whatever it is, please remember that at the end of your life, you are responsible for your life. Your mother-in-law is not responsible for your life. Your friend is not responsible for your life. Your coworker is not responsible for your life, or even your husband or significant other or sister, whatever or whoever it is. They're not responsible for your life. You are responsible and accountable for the things that you do in your life based on the skillset that you have, the goals and dreams that you have.
If you want to do something and you want to be something that you have never done or been before, just remember that it will require you to do and be something or someone that you have never done before. So please stop apologizing even if everybody in your life is trying to manipulate you or they're saying these sly comments, don't feel the need to apologize. If you feel it on your heart, girl, go. Do it. Like I said, at the end of our life, we are only responsible and accountable for the things that we did in our life.
This quote that I read the other day really helps me put this into practice. So I hope that it will help you. It said, "I stopped explaining myself when I realized people only understand me from their level of perception." And I was like, "Oh my gosh." The mind blown emoji. That is so true. Oftentimes people are listening to our goals and dreams, and those who just don't understand. It's okay for them to not understand. But don't let them not understanding stop you from doing what you feel you need to do in your heart and what you're called to do.
I have a bonus one because you know that I love over delivering to my girls. If you are still tuning in, this is for you. Please do not apologize for embracing your real. Be authentic. Be real. Be unapologetically you. You have to learn to embrace your real with no apology needed. I know in a world where society and the media are trying to convince us that you should not embrace your real. You need to do it without an apology. We should feel safe to be ourselves no matter where we are or who we're with, and never feel like we need to change or hide parts of ourself. And the most amazing thing is the more that we embrace ourselves, the safer we make other people feel like they can be themselves as well.
So be the change that you want to see, embrace your real unapologetically, and you will encourage others to do the same. Watch it. It is a domino effect, and honestly, it is the most beautiful domino effect because at the end of the day, we are humans that just crave human connection. When I say human connection, I mean real authentic connection. So when you feel like you can be yourself and you are projecting your most authentic self and you allow every single person around you to do the same, you feel more connected to those people around you than ever before because it's a human real authentic connection.
Let me recap these seven things. Please do not apologize for the following: number one, looking like a mess. Number two, your priorities and boundaries. Number three, what you eat. Number four, being assertive and saying what you want to say, girl. Number five, the size or shape of your body. Number six, saying no. Number seven, having goals and dreams. And bonus number eight, embracing your real.
Please, please, please rewind and write these seven things down so that you can start actively paying attention this week, starting today, right now how often you apologize for these seven things. I want to know which one you feel you maybe struggle with the most. Like for me, I'm a yes, man. So the number six, me saying no and apologizing, I struggle with that. I still do, but it's a constant thing that I'm trying to work on. I want to know what your biggest struggle is that you feel like you always need to apologize on and tell me. Screenshot this, post it up on your Instagram story, tag me Julie Ledbetter.
And I want to also encourage you if you have two to three girlfriends in your life that you feel like this message they would benefit from, I just encourage you to share it with them. If you're listening on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, you'll see the three dots, whether it's on the top or the bottom of your screen. You can click that. You'll see the option, especially on Spotify, you can copy the link, you can share it to Instagram stories. So whatever you choose to do, you can copy the link and text it in a text message to your girlfriends. But I just want you to spread this message because as women, I feel like we so often apologize for things. And our life is made up of an apology, and I don't want that for us. I don't want us to feel like we have to apologize for every single thing.
So be sure to share it with them. If you love this episode, I also know that you would love episode 47 Food Commentary That You Need to Drop. If you ever find yourself saying things like, "I ate way too much," "I feel so fat," or, "I shouldn't be eating this," I want you to listen to this episode because it's so, so important that we recognize that verbalizing these thoughts actually adds to the toxic nature of our relationship with our food. So be sure to tune in to episode 47. I will link it in the show notes so you can easily go listen now.
Thank you so much for tuning in, and I will talk to you guys in the next episode.
All right, sister, that's all I got for you today, but I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you're not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so, Julie A Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an A in the middle. For that daily post workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks, and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode.
Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world, and I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace your real because you're worth it.