5 Swaps for the Woman Who Struggles With Comparison
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Who doesn’t struggle with comparing themselves to others? From my years of experience, I know it’s more women than not. I believe it's our natural response when we see someone who has what we wish we had, but I also believe it doesn’t have to be our natural response.
We can rewire our brains to look at comparison in a different light. We can learn to look at the things we used to compare ourselves to and instead use it as an opportunity for growth. And in this episode, I’m going to show you how to do this with 5 swaps. Literally, I am going to give you five things you can swap your feelings of jealousy and envy with the next time you find yourself playing the comparison game. Are you ready?!
If you loved this episode, you will also love Episode 98: My #1 Advice for Overcoming Comparison
In this episode, I chat about how a lot of our comparison stems from us not actually knowing what "success" and “happiness” means to us. We look at others being happy so we think that’s what we need to be happy and we won’t be happy until we have that, too. And the same is true for success.
But do we REALLY know if what they have will make us happy? And does success mean the same thing to us as it does to them? Find out more by tuning in now!
TRANSCRIPT:
Hey there beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter, a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I dish you a dose of real talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned if you're ready to Embrace Your Real, let's get it, let's go.
Hello. Hello. Welcome back to another episode of the Embrace Your Real podcast. Yes, this is called the Embrace Your Real podcast. So let's be real. Who doesn't struggle with comparing themselves to others in some way, shape or form throughout the week or throughout the month? I believe that it is our natural response, but I also believe that it doesn't have to be our natural response. I believe that we aren't called to live in a state of comparison. God doesn't want us to constantly compare ourselves, our lives to other people, other people's situations, whatever it is. I believe that we can rewire our brains to look at comparison in a different light. We can learn to look at things we used to compare ourselves to and instead use it as an opportunity for growth.
And so that's why in today's episode, I'm going to show you how with five literal steps, like I'm going to give you five literal things that you can swap out your feelings of jealousy and envy the next time that you find yourself playing the comparison game with someone else or something else. But before I dive into today's episode, you guys know I had to share the super sweet review. It comes from Jessica G. 83. She gave a five star review and said, "This podcast keeps me motivated. I love listening to Julie. She keeps me motivated when I am discouraged from not seeing results like I want to. Julie has taught me so much about everything, health and fitness and self-confidence."
I love it so much. You guys, I am so excited for the next four weeks. Every single week, I'm going to be giving away a free month. Yes, a free month on the Movement with Julie app. In case you aren't familiar what the Movement with Julie app is, it is time to rethink your workouts with my workout app. Every single week, I give you five brand new workouts. We have lower body, upper body, cardio and core, shoulders and glutes, and total body or full body Fridays. I am really excited to give this opportunity to one of you guys who leave a review. So all you have to do is go to Apple Podcasts on any Apple device that you have, type in Embrace Your Real, make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so that you never miss an episode on Monday and Thursday.
And lastly, leave a review. All you have to do is scroll down and leave a five star rating. And I would love to know how this podcast has impacted you. I would love to know maybe one specific episode that you really connected with. It really does help me and my team out as we are doing research for upcoming episodes so that we can continue to serve you to the best of our abilities. So again, all you have to do is leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, and I'll be randomly selecting one of you every single week to win a free month inside Movement with Julie. If you're already a subscriber inside the app, which we have hundreds of girls all over the country and world, actually we have girls literally across the world in South Africa and Russia, we have so many amazing women, but if you do get randomly selected, I will just be refunding your payment for the month. So thank you guys in advance. I am so excited to dive into today's episode. So let's get on into it.
All righty. I am so excited to dive into these five comparison swaps. So let's get to it. Number one, swap comparison with celebration. I think that it is so important to celebrate others. I think we're called to celebrate others. I think that something so amazing comes the more that we celebrate other people, the more we actually see things in a different life, in a different light, and the more good that we experience in return. I believe that when we acknowledge someone else's beauty, it doesn't make us less beautiful. I believe that when we celebrate someone else's success, it doesn't take away from our ability to succeed. And I lastly believe that complimenting someone doesn't make you less than them or anything other than you just seeing beauty and calling it as it is.
I believe seeing good in others and in their lives does not take away from the good in you or the good in your life. And I believe that you can swap good for any word. For example, success, abundance, beauty, peace, joy, whatever it is, acknowledging it in them will not take it away from you. So instead of playing the comparison game this year in 2022, I want you to allow yourself to see the positive in somebody else's life and call it out, celebrate them, congratulate them, compliment them. It is so important and you never know how much that could truly change someone else's life.
Number two, swap comparison for education. Here are a few examples of what I mean by that. So let's say for example, you have curly hair and it's always frizzy and you can't seem to ever tame it. And then you see someone else with the same hair type as you, but their hair isn't frizzy. Their curls are perfectly defined. You have two options here. You can sit in that jealousy and envy and pity and say, it's not fair that they have perfectly defined curls and your hair is all frizzy. Or you can ask them what they're doing to make their hair perfectly defined. Oftentimes when you ask people what they're doing, they will share all the things. Ask them what shampoo they use. Ask them what products they use. Ask them, how they do their hair. You will be so surprised, but the more that you talk about other people, the more people are actually flattered. And they'll be more than happy to answer.
Or we can look at a more serious example of comparison. Let's say you've been working hard for a promotion and someone else on your team gets it instead of you. Instead of sitting in that jealousy and envy and pity and saying, it's not fair, ask them what they did to get that promotion, ask them for all the advice, or maybe ask them to be your mentor. The most successful people in life, ask for help, ask for guidance. And they aren't afraid of that. And that's how they get to where they are.
All in all, use the person that you're comparing yourself to, with a tool to get to where you want to be. They've done it. They have gotten there. Use them as insight, as a sounding board, as an educational tool. They can truly help you stop playing the guessing game and they can even maybe help you skip a few steps so that you can get to where you want to be faster if you simply just ask them what they did. Believe me, people will love to share their insight with you. So don't be shy. It's flattering for them. And it's helpful for you.
I have a perfect example of this. So my dad, before he retired two years ago, he was a really high up VP and a tenant of different health companies over the years. But he had this really cool story of this guy. And this guy was on his team, but he was like a brand new employee of this big company. And here my dad is on the executive team and this guy would not leave my dad alone. For months and months, he was asking my dad for advice. And my dad was a very busy man, but he's also a very generous man. And so he would give him a few minutes here and there. And I remember my dad telling me this story of this one time, this guy came into my dad's office and he asked my dad, if my dad would mentor him and my dad ended up saying yes.
And so he ended up just like, I don't know if it was a monthly meeting or what they did, but my dad essentially just helped him kind of learn the ropes and gave him advice when it came to working in health companies and because this guy, his goal was to one day be in my dad's position, but he was just kind of starting out. And so they did that for, I think it was a few years before my dad moved on to a different company. And it was really cool because it was about 11 years later and my dad was a VP at a different health company. And he was looking to build out his team. And guess who came up in his mind. That guy, but it was like 11 years later. And so my dad ended up calling this guy up. He found him, called him up and asked him if he wanted to come work for my dad. And it ended up being a lot higher position than what this guy was in. And the guy ended up working for my dad for a few years.
And now I think that guy is actually on an executive team for the company that my dad used to work with before he retired. But that's a perfect example. Like this guy could have came into his job and he could have been like, whoa is me. I'm never going to learn this. And just constantly compare himself to someone like my dad who was high up in the executive team and who was basically in his dream position. And he could have sat there and wallowed in it, or he could have done what he actually did and continue to introduce himself to my dad, continue to give him like Christmas presents and ask my dad like one wise question every week so that he could gain knowledge and insight. And then eventually work his way up to asking if my dad would mentor him. And then, 11 years later, it actually paid off and the guy ended up working with my dad at a different company in a higher up job.
And so I just want to encourage you if you are struggling with comparison, please know that it's not as scary as you think, just asking these people simple questions. But I will say, coming from a person who I do get questions a lot in my DM box and it's on a various variety of topics, but the people who are very well thought out in their words and they do it in a way that is concise, but also genuine, I am more apt to respond to those people way quicker than like, "Hey, do you have time to talk," or something that's going to waste somebody else's time or not be as concise. And so I just want to encourage you whatever it is, if it's in your job, especially in your profession, be wise with your words and try to come up with a way that you can be, number one, always authentic because people can smell authenticity from a mile away, but they can also smell when you're trying to take advantage of them or trying to waste their time.
But then also be concise and be wise and study up on things. I, of course, love answering everybody's question, but I only have so much time in my day. And so oftentimes if it's a question that I know you could easily go find on Google or easily go find somewhere, then I'm not as apt to answer that question as fast to that person. Whereas if a person has studied and they said, "Well, I looked up X, Y, and Z, but I still have a few questions on X, Y, and Z," that shows me that that person has put time and effort into really thinking about what they want and making sure that if they have a question that it was well thought out and they looked up as much as they could and got as many answers as they could, but they still have a few more questions.
So just kind of a really fun example. And then also just advice to you if you do have someone in your life that you want to ask advice for, whether that be in your profession, or maybe someone that you look up to on social media or whatever it is. But please just know that oftentimes people are more than happy to share their experiences with you. And oftentimes they're flattered because you are congratulating them. You are calling out something in their life that they have done well and that you want to follow suit. And so that can actually be a compliment for that person.
Number three, swap comparison for friendship. Remember that you are the reflection of the people that you spend most time with. And so you'll naturally adopt their habits, their thought patterns, their work ethic, their hobbies. So I want you to make sure that you are spending time with people who reflect the person that you want to become. For example, instead of comparing your body to someone else's body, and again, sitting in that jealousy and envy and pity saying, it's not fair, why don't you ask them about their routine or ask them how they figured out what workouts were best for them, or what foods worked best for them, or what macros worked best for them? Remember, macros are pretty custom, but even it could be like the ratios of macros. You could even ask them like, "Hey, can I start working out with you? Or what program are you doing?"
Again, it's so important to surround yourself with people who reflect the person that you want to be. And if you want to build a body that you want, you have to surround yourself with people who have that interest in a fitness and wellness lifestyle. Instead of being jealous of the people who have that fitness and wellness lifestyle, invest in that community, dive into other like-minded people. Trust me when I say, you will feel so much better when you are surrounding yourself with other people who have those interests. And the coolest thing is, nowadays that can be 100% virtual. You can quote, unquote do life with other like-minded people virtually, and you still reap the same benefits.
Or another example. Instead of being jealous of a successful entrepreneur, I want to encourage you to surround yourself with other successful entrepreneurs. Or instead of being jealous of people who have what you want, surround yourself with the people who have what you want, see what their lifestyle is really like. That's honestly, one thing that I learned so much. I did a mastermind in 2018 and prior to that, it was super easy for me to compare myself in the fitness and wellness space, as well as just the online entrepreneur and compare my behind the scenes to someone else's highlight real until I actually surrounded myself with these people. And I found out two really important things through investing in that mastermind that year.
Number one, I realized that not everything is as it seems on the internet. And I know we hear that all the time, but it was so eye opening to me to see these people that were so flawless and effortless, they make it look so effortless online. But when you actually get them in a room talking about how to take their business to the next level or what issues they have, they are struggling with things that either I was struggling with the same thing. And I was like, whoa, they look like they're five, 10 steps ahead of me. And yet they're struggling with the same thing, or they had other struggles that I didn't even think of. And the second thing that I learned being in that mastermind was realizing how much these people are so willing to share their quote, unquote secrets with you or share their experiences with you. All you have to do is surround yourself with them and just ask them and learn from them. It is so incredible what happens though, when you surround yourself with other people who are like-minded.
And another group that I have really invested in this past year is my Bible in 365 group. So it's men and women all across the world who are reading the Bible in 365 days. I did it last year and it was so incredible, so much so that I am doing it again this year. And I'm reading the Bible again, cover to cover in 365 days. But just investing myself in this community of other like-minded people who are all doing the same readings every single day, and they're truly in all different walks of life, but just learning so much of what wisdom they're getting from reading God's word, and just kind of bouncing ideas and thoughts and hopes and prayers and desires off of one another is so, so important. So just remember that it is so important that you surround yourself with people who you want to become, or who have habits that you want to have, and you'll be so much better off. And you'll see that you are more likely to follow through on those habits if you are surrounding yourself with people who are doing that as well.
Number four, swap comparison with motivation. Instead of looking at someone, comparing yourself or your life situation to theirs, and then feeling bad about yourself, what if you decided to get motivation from it instead? What if instead you adopted the mindset of, if they can do it, then I can do it too. Or if they have it, then I know that I can have it too. Or if they get there, then I know I can get there too. Because the reality of life is that we are all capable and more times than not the difference between the someone who has, what you don't have is that they did what they needed to do to get there. And maybe you haven't done that yet.
The key is yet though, because you can build the body that you want. You can get the promotion that you want. You can live the life that you want. You don't need to look at other people's bodies or other people's lives and be jealous. You need to look at your own body, your own life and tell yourself that with hard work, trust, dedication, prayer, wisdom, and consistency, you can have it too. And continue to use them as a reminder of where you want to be and what you're working towards rather than using them as a reminder of what you are lacking.
Number five, swap comparison with self-reflection. Lastly, I think that it's so important for us to figure out why we're comparing ourselves to someone and why something is making us feel less than. Asking questions like, why is this triggering negative feelings inside of myself? Or why is this making me feel worse about myself? What are the insecurities that are being brought to the surface? And what if you just decided to not be insecure about those things anymore? I know for me, when I start to find myself in comparison, I open up God's word. I read, I pray. I ask God for wisdom. James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God who gives it generously to all without finding fault. And it will be given to you." And oftentimes you guys, when I pray and I ask for wisdom, God gives me wisdom. He gives me assurance. He gives me peace. He gives me joy. And he reminds me that every single one of us are in different chapters of our life. And every single one of us have a different purpose in this life.
So I just want to encourage you if you are struggling, do some self-reflecting. For me, personally, like I said, praying, reading God's word, really just asking myself the deep questions so that I can have a deeper understanding of what's going on in my mind and in my heart, because this will help you to understand yourself, understand your triggers, understand your insecurities, and ultimately understand the root of it all. And for me, when I release those things and I just say, "God, take this. I can no longer bear this. I know you've not called me to a life of comparison." It's incredible the wisdom that God gives me.
So there you have it. Those are the five swaps. I'm going to recap those quickly. Number one, swap comparison for celebration. Seeing the good in others and in their lives will not take away from the good in you or the good in your life. So I want to encourage you to celebrate others. And when you do, you will actually see that there is so much in your own life to celebrate as well.
Number two, swap comparison for education. Use that person that you're comparing yourself with as a tool to get to where you want to be. They've done it. They've been there and likely they can give you guidance on how you can get there as well.
Number three, swap comparison for friendship. Remember that you are the sum of who you surround yourself with most. So if you surround yourself with the people that you want to be like, you'll likely be more apt to become those things and adopt those habits.
Number four, swap comparison with motivation. Use those who have what you want as motivation to get to where you want, because if they've done it and you can see it, then it's easier for you to visualize you actually getting there as well.
And number five, swap comparison with self-reflection. When you compare yourself to someone, use that as a reminder to dig deeper inside of yourself. Or for me, I love to spend that time and just pray and ask God for wisdom and open up his word and his word never comes back void. He always gives me exactly what my heart and mind need, oftentimes things that I don't even think of until I read it, or I hear it, or I feel it. And I'm like, oh my gosh, that's exactly what I needed and I didn't even know it.
So if you loved this episode, I know you will also love episode 98, My Number One Advice for Overcoming Comparison. Now in this episode, I chat all about comparison and where it stems from us, actually not knowing what success or happiness means to us. And when we look at others being so happy, we think that we need to be that happy, or we won't be happy until we have X, Y, and Z. And that's just not the same, because we're not the same people as them. We have different hopes and desires. And so if you are struggling with that, or if you loved this episode and just want some more real talk on it, tune into episode 98, My Number One Advice for Overcoming Comparison. I will go ahead and link that in the show notes below.
I hope that this episode was helpful for you. If you have a friend or a sister or a coworker or someone in your life that you feel like would really benefit from this episode, I just ask that you share out with them. You can copy the link, send it to them in a text message, or you can simply screenshot this, post it up on your Instagram Story. Be sure to tag Embrace Your Real and tag me, Julie A. Ledbetter. I absolutely love connecting with you guys. You are so incredible. I love you so much. I mean it, and I will talk to you in the next episode.
All right, sister, that's all I got for you today, but I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you are not already following me on the Gram, be sure to do so, Julie A. Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an A in the middle, for that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks, and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check.
The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts, to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world and I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface, so go out there and Embrace Your Real because you're worth it.