4 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Body Standards
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The number one reason why we struggle to embrace our bodies is because of the body standards we hold for ourselves. But here's the thing: many of us are completely unaware of the body standards we have, where they came from, why we hold ourselves to these standards, and how toxic they really are.
That’s why in today’s episode of Embrace Your Real, I want to give you four questions to ask yourself about these body standards to help you become more aware of why you’re unhappy with what your body looks like now.
TRANSCRIPT:
Hey there. Beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter, a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I wish you a dose of real talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned if you're ready to embrace your real. Let's get in and let's go.
Hello, hello and welcome back to another episode of the Embrace Your Real Podcast. The number one reason why we oftentimes struggle to embrace our bodies is because of the body standards that we hold for ourselves. But many times we're completely unaware of the standards that we have, where they came from, and we hold ourselves to these standards without realizing how truly toxic they can be. That's why in today's episode of Embrace Your Real, I want to give you four questions to ask yourselves about the body standards that you might be having so that you can become more aware of why you're unhappy and what your body looks like now. But before I dive into today's episode, I wanted to share this super sweet review. It comes from Cookie Mama. She says, "Love, love, love. I feel like Julie is a close, trusted friend who isn't afraid to tell me the truth. Listening to this podcast is one of those things that just makes me feel good."
Thank you so much for this review. Cookie 3 Mama, I appreciate you. If you haven't already rated and reviewed the podcast, it really does help the growth of it. All you have to do is scooch over to Apple Podcasts first, make sure that you hit subscribe so that you never miss an episode. And secondly, all you got to do is click that rate and review. It helps us out so much like I said. I appreciate you in advance for doing it. All right. So let's get into the four questions to ask yourself about your body standards.
Number one, are your standards too high? This is the one that I think many of us might do without even realizing it. Do you expect yourself to have a stomach that's very, very lean with defined abs or maybe you expect yourself to have perfectly toned arms or legs or very minimal body fat. Or are you constantly eating and working out and living in a way that is focused on reaching these high standards? And does trying to reach these standards, stress you out or make you miss out on fun or change the way that you currently live your life in a sense that's unsustainable?
If the answer is yes, then it's likely that your standards are too high, but here's the thing. Why do you feel the need to have this perfectly flat stomach? Or why do you feel the need to have super toned arms or legs? Or why do you need to alter your life and live in a way that doesn't make you completely happy just for these things? There is absolutely no real reason as to why you need to have those things. And if you do come up with a reason as to why your body needs to look "perfect," then what you actually have are deeper insecurities that need to be addressed at the root, not the surface.
Don't get me wrong. I think having goals for your body can be super important for living a happy and healthy life, but let's be real. How many times have you set yourself to this crazy high body goal that no matter what you do, you just can't reach it? And in the process of trying to reach this crazy high body goal, you find yourself drained, and yet you still can't get where you want to be. It's deflating, it makes you feel like no matter how much effort you put in, it just doesn't matter because it's never enough and it makes you feel like you aren't enough. In reality, you are more than enough. You have always been more than enough, your standards for your body were just preventing you from realizing that. What you need to realize is that the standards that you're currently holding yourself to are not necessary. But guess what?
Lowering them doesn't mean that you're lazy. Lowering your standards or lessening your standards means that you're actually being realistic. It means that you're being true to yourself and you are for once treating yourself the way that it actually deserves to be treated because you are finally allowing yourself to set realistic expectations. Not only do we hold ourselves to too high of standards, but many of us also hold ourselves to a few more that I want to discuss.
Number two, do you hold yourself to an impossible body standard? Okay. How is this different than too high of a standard you might be wondering? Well, social media first and foremost shows us images of women to be completely frank are often fake. These women find the perfect lighting, the perfect angle, the perfect filters, the perfect editing effects to make them look the way that they do. Seriously, most of the photos and even videos nowadays of these picture perfect looking women are highly staged and highly edited. They're not real, or they're just glimpses. Most of these women have cellulite, a little extra skin or flab or stretch marks and imperfections, but they're hiding them, they're covering them up or they're purposefully showing different angles that don't showcase them.
And by doing that, they're making you, the consumer, believe that they're fake body is what your real body needs to look like. Or as I like to say, their highlight reel, R-E-E-L, is now making you compare your real, R-E-A-L, to theirs. Are you catching what I'm throwing? And so you're working hard and even harder and even harder to get to their level. And you never get there because the level that you're trying to actually get to isn't real. That's why the standard for your body is an impossible standard. So if you are following any of these people on social media that are leading you to struggle with comparison, I want to encourage you to unfollow ASAP. You don't need women in your life that are leading you to believe that your body needs to look like this. We are here to truly embrace our real.
And those bodies that you are seeing that are making you compare yourself aren't real. They're a highlight reel, they're showcased. And they might quite frankly be fake. There's so many editing and even video editing apps out there now that alter your body without you even knowing it. Yes, even videos. So yes, stories and videos that you see on social media. You don't know if they're even real. So I want you to open your eyes and ask yourself if there are people or things that you are following that are not healthy to you. And if so, unfollow ASAP.
Number three, are you holding yourself to an old standard? All right. So another standard that we love to hold our body to is old standards. We used to wear this size in our early 20s so we should also be wearing that size 10 years later or in our early 30s or 40s. Or this is the weight that we weighed in high school so that's the weight that we should strive to weigh now. Or this is what my body looked pre-baby, and now this is what I need it to get back to post-baby. Or I need to fit into this wedding dress again, or I need to fit into these jeans from five years ago. And until I do, I'm not going to be happy with what my body looks like. Does any of this sound familiar? Whatever version of your body from the past that you're trying to recreate, I need you to stop right now. That was your body then. And by no means, does your body need to be that right now.
Just how your life was different then compared to how it is now, your body is likely going to be different too. And to be honest with you, for some of us, when our bodies actually did meet our "standards," we were doing them in an unhealthy way, and we should never go back to the body for the sake of our health. I know that if I were to personally get my old body, my college body back, it would be terribly unhealthy and even more unhappy and insecure. I think many of us forget that part. We just see the old photos of ourselves, and we grieve that old body without remembering the harm that actually came with it. As long as we're holding onto the past version of ourself, we'll never truly be able to love, accept, and embrace our body for what it is today.
Remember, you can love, accept, and embrace your body while still wanting to change your body. But changing your body doesn't have to be the way that it used to be. We need to let go of our old body and accept that it was in the past, and I know that's easier said than done. And literally the best way to do it is to keep reminding yourself, that was the past, and this is the now and those two do not need to be compared. The more you tell yourself that the more you will come to believe it. Just keep repeating that to yourself and you will eventually come to believe it and recognize it as truth.
Number four, are you holding yourself to somebody else's standard? Just because somebody else is striving to lose weight or fit into a size zero, or have zero body fat or whatever their body goals might be, doesn't mean that you need to strive for that as well. Just because others are insecure of their curves and they're trying to get rid of them, doesn't mean that you need to become insecure of your curves and try and get rid of them too. I know it's hard when you're around people who are constantly commenting about their weight, their size, their body shape, and the changes that they need to make to their body. The more you hear them, and the more you hear them comment about their body, it can often start to make you question your own body. Should you also be trying to lose more weight? Should you also be trying to fit into a smaller size?
We need to remind ourselves that we are on our own journey and my scumming to their standards. We're taking a few steps back on our own journey. So instead of making their body standards question your own, simply pray that one day they will realize the standards they're holding to themselves are not necessary.
And just one final thought on comparing our bodies to others. If our standards aren't based on the comparisons we're making to others, the first thing that we need to do is to stop comparing ourselves to others, period. Doing so is the best way to live a dissatisfied life. We should want to be unique and we should want to be our own in our own skin. Your body is your body. It's beautifully unique and crafted by God, no matter how hard anyone tries, they'll never be able to have your body because it is uniquely yours. And that means no matter how hard you try to have somebody else's body, you'll never get there either because their body is uniquely theirs.
So let's recap these four questions that we need to ask ourselves about our body standards. Number one, are your standards too high?
Number two, do you hold yourself to an impossible body standard?
Number three, are you holding yourself to an old standard?
And number four, are you holding yourself to somebody else's standard?
I have a last and final thought that I read from one of my favorite books called Beauty By The Book by Nancy Stafford. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. But in this book, this quote really stuck out to me. She says, "If you and I resolutely resist unhealthy attitudes and activities in pursuit of the unattainable and unrealistic, we help free the next generation. We can help our daughters, our sisters and friends reorder their thinking about body image, acceptance and beauty. We can reach out to the next generation and spare them from the heartache of trying to meet impossible standards. So much of beauty is self-acceptance. What a wonderful gift and more importantly, a legacy to leave behind."
If you love this episode, I know you will also love episode 121: 3 Things That You Need To Know About Your Body. If this episode spoke to you, I know that that episode will speak to you as well. So be sure to go tune in to that episode, I will leave it in the show notes below as well, but episode 121: 3 Things You Need To Know About Your Body.
I hope that these words resonated with you as much as they did with me. And if you have a friend or someone in your life that really needs to hear this specific episode, or just this podcasts in general, I just ask that you shared out with them. You can copy the link, send it to them in a DM or a text message. You can screenshot this, post it up on your story. Tag me, Julie A Ledbetter. I love seeing your aha moments. But sharing the podcast truly does help the growth. And it also helps to remind us women that we are not alone in our struggles and our insecurities. Thank you so much for tuning in and I will talk to you guys in the next episode.
All right sister, that's all I got for you today, but I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you're not already following me on the Gram, be sure to do so, Julie A Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an A in the middle, for that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check.
The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world. And I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace your real because you're worth it.