How to Deal with Loved Ones Not Supporting Your Goals
When we’re trying to live a healthier, more active lifestyle, the biggest obstacles aren’t always our own willpower or motivation but the pushback we get from our friends and family.
When I say that, I know you know exactly what I’m talking about. I know you have that friend who always tries to get you to skip your workout or a family member who makes you feel bad for filling your plate up with salad at a family gathering. Most likely these people aren’t trying to be our biggest obstacle when it comes to reaching our goals but, let’s be real, they are.
Obviously, removing them from our lives isn’t an option. So, how can we navigate these relationships to successfully overcome this obstacle and reach our goals? Here’s how…
Share your why.
If you want your friends and family to support your healthy lifestyle, you need to be honest with them. Help them understand why you’re doing what you’re doing and how important your goals are for your overall happiness.
So, what is your why? This may be something you need to think about.
For most of you, I know your goal is to lose a certain amount of weight, or to get a more toned body. While there is nothing wrong with those goals, you need to ask yourself WHY those goals are important for you to reach.
Is it because you want to feel more confident and comfortable in your own skin? Is it because you’re tired of feeling crappy all the time and just want to feel good again? Or, is it because you realize how important the health of your body is to the quality of life you live?
The deeper you can get with your why, the better. When you’re able to fully explain your why with your friends and family, no one will be able to argue with you about your choices.
No one can argue with you about wanting to become the best version of yourself. No one can make you feel guilty for wanting to be happier and healthier. No one will want to force anything unhealthy on you if they know exactly how important your new lifestyle is to you.
I know it can be hard to be open but, I promise you, the more vulnerable you are, and the deeper you dig into the “why” behind living a healthier lifestyle, the more support you’re going to get.
When you’re able to fully explain your why with your friends and family, no one will be able to argue with you about your choices.
Ask for their support.
Let’s say you’ve shared your why and your friends and family still aren’t giving you the support you want. What do you do?
Ask for it!
Let them know how much their support means to you and how much it will help you reach your goals.
If you’re an important person in their lives, then what is important to you will be important to them. So, you just need to make sure they understand exactly how important it is for you to gain their support.
When you ask for their support, let them know you don’t expect them to join you on your health and fitness journey, but you would appreciate it if they would respect your decision to live a healthier lifestyle.
Let’s be real: When you directly ask your friends and family for their support, how can they not give it to you?
You almost never get what you don’t ask for! So just ask.
If you’re an important person in their lives, then what is important to you will be important to them. So, you just need to make sure they understand exactly how important it is for you to gain their support.
Let them know this is what’s right for you.
When you’re trying to gain the support from your friends and family, let them know this is something you’re doing for yourself because it makes you feel better. Make sure they know this is not something you’re expecting them to join you in, and definitely not something you’re going to push on them.
Let them know you understand that, just because this new healthy lifestyle is right for you, that doesn’t mean it’s right for them as well.
And, just as you’re asking them to support and respect your lifestyle, you’re going to support and respect their lifestyle in return.
Your relationship is a two-way street. You need to respect and support their choices, just as you want them to respect and support yours. Living a healthier lifestyle is something they need to decide to do on their own and not something you can force on them. Forcing anything in life is never a successful strategy.
The best way to get others to follow you on your journey is by inspiring them. If they see you happier, healthier, fitter and more energized, eventually they will start asking questions about what you’re doing! So, be patient. In the mean time, give each other mutual support.
Make sure they know this is not something you’re expecting them to join you in, and definitely not something you’re going to push on them.
Be okay with being different.
I know when you’re the only one of your friends and family making healthier choices, it can make you feel embarrassed or feel like an outcast. Am I right?
In my opinion, being different is the best thing you could ever be!
There is no better time than now to stop caring what others think. Who cares if someone looks at you funny for ordering a salad at a pizza restaurant or for taking the stairs when everyone else hops in the elevator?
No matter how much peer pressure you get, stand firm in the lifestyle you want to live. You know your goals, you know your “why”, and you know how amazing making these healthier choices are making you feel.
People will make comments. Some may look at you weird. Others may judge you. None of that matters! What matters is that you’re doing what is best for you.
Rather than allowing their response to your healthier choices to make you feel self-conscious, just smile back at them. And, when you do, just remind yourself that you’re doing this for you, your health, your happiness, and your overall wellbeing. You should never let the opinions of others take away from any of that.
It’s okay to be different, especially when “different” leads you to becoming the best version of yourself!
People will make comments. Some may look at you weird. Others may judge you. None of that matters! What matters is that you’re doing what is best for you.
Remember: their pushback isn’t about you, it’s about them.
Typically when people are giving you the looks, shooting you negative comments, or placing some judgement on you about your healthy lifestyle, it’s because you’re making them feel guilty about their own lifestyle.
The choices you’re making are the choices they know they should be making, but can’t. They can’t find the willpower, the motivation, the energy, the time, or whatever their excuse may be. But, when they see you doing it, it makes them feel bad about themselves.
When they are laying around all day long rather than getting in some movement and you join them, you are justifying their lifestyle. But when they are laying around all day and you go crush a workout, you unintentionally make them feel bad about themselves for not doing the same. Rather than just joining you for the workout, it’s easier for them to guilt you into skipping yours.
This isn’t anything you need to feel bad about because it really has nothing to do with you at all. And at the end of the day, you’re doing this for you and no one else. Do your thing, respect their decisions, and eventually you will inspire them to join you!
The choices you’re making are the choices they know they should be making, but can’t. They can’t find the willpower, the motivation, the energy, the time, or whatever their excuse may be. But, when they see you doing it, it makes them feel bad about themselves.
Have the perfect response.
When you start making healthier choices, people may start questioning your actions. You know what I’m talking about! But, you should never allow other people’s comments to stop you from making the decisions you know are best for you. So let’s make sure you feel confident with how to respond to these comments!
When people are giving you pushback on your food choices, here are a few different ways you can respond:
“I’ve really been on a health kick and it’s making such a difference in my life. All this food looks so amazing, but I’m really loving sticking to the food I know will keep me energized.”
“I’m really excited about how great I’ve been feeling and I want to keep feeling this way.”
“I’m trying to stay balanced with my eating choices. I’ll start off with a salad and see how I feel after.”
“I’m just not hungry right now. I’ll wait until I am before I grab some food.”
“I’ve started focusing on eating more nourishing foods that make me food good. Since I have, I really haven’t been craving the foods I used to crave.”
“I’ve set some awesome health and fitness goals that I’m so excited to reach, so I’m focusing on keeping a healthy balance with my food choices.”
“Since I’ve started focusing on eating more nutrient-dense foods, I’ve discovered how delicious they can be!”
When people give you pushback about working out, here are a few different ways you can respond:
“Working out is a form of self-care for me.”
“If I go workout, I know I will have so much more energy and be in a much better mood afterwards.”
“I like to look at working out as a hobby. It’s something I’m really passionate about doing.”
“Working out is a priority for me. I respect your priorities and I would appreciate it if you would respect mine in return.”
“Working out helps me feel more confident in who I am. I love feeling confident and that’s why I don’t want to skip my workout.”
“You can’t pour from an empty cup, right? Working out helps me fill my cup.”