Toxic vs. Authentic Positivity: Why You Need to Know the Difference
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How do you differentiate between authentic and toxic positivity in your own life?
In a world inundated with rainbow-filled motivational social media posts, the prevailing message is clear: choose positivity at all costs for a happy life. But is this really the key to happiness and good mental health? In this episode of "Embrace Your Real," we explore the concept of "toxic positivity" and why "authentic positivity" is crucial for genuine well-being. Tune in to gain insights into the subtle dangers of toxic positivity, discover the transformative power of authentic positivity and learn some practical strategies to process emotions, build resilience, and achieve lasting mental wellness.
If you loved this episode, tune in to…
Episode 62: 10 Things on My Mental Health Checklist
Episode 192: The Science behind a Gratitude Practice (It’s Not as Cliche as You Think!)
Episode 283: 5 Unconventional Ways to Surround Yourself with More Like-Minded Humans
Episode 358: 8 Ways to Improve Your Mental Health ASAP (Part 1)
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Transcript:
[00:00:00] Hey. Hey, beautiful human. Can I steal 5 minutes of your time? I have something super important to share with you, but I promise I'll be really quick. You're listening to my weekly bonus episode of Embrace Your Real with Me, Julie Ledbetter. I'm about to give you a quick tip for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned. If you're ready to embrace a real. Let's get it. Let's go. [00:00:22][22.7]
[00:00:30] Hello and welcome back to another episode on the Embrace Your Real podcast. In a world full of rainbow filled motivational social media posts, the message seems pretty clear, and that's positivity as a choice. And to live a happy life, you need to choose positivity at all costs. But I kind of want to ponder something else on this podcast. Is that really what's going to make us healthy and happy? Is that really what's going to be best for our mental health? In my opinion, that's actually considered toxic positivity. And so in today's bonus episode, that's what I'm going to be explaining kind of why I think this and then also why authentic positivity is exactly what we should strive for and what we should desire to have a healthy and healthy and happy and fulfilled life. [00:01:14][44.0]
[00:01:14] But before we dive in, I wanted to share this review. It comes from Birdie 1515. She gave a five star review and said, Stop what you're doing and listen. It is worth your time. I love this so much. Super simple and to the point. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to send in this review. You guys, the reviews really mean the world to me and our team. They kind of just help us know how this podcast is helping you. [00:01:36][22.0]
[00:01:37] So if you could scooch over to Apple Podcasts and leave reading and review, we would greatly appreciate it if this podcast has helped you in any way, shape or form. And if you have a friend or coworker, someone in your life that you feel like would really benefit from this specific episode or this podcast in general, I just ask that you share it out with them. So let's dive into what toxic positivity actually looks like. So toxic positivity is the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. So no matter what the situation, you're finding the bright side and you're not allowing yourself to like face and process what you're actually experiencing or feeling, which is leading you to dismiss your authentic feelings or even dismiss the emotions of others in hopes of maintaining this positive outlook. So, for example, phrases like, Oh, just stay positive or everything happens for a reason or it could be worse are common things that people say. And that's when you or someone else is using this toxic positivity. And I get it. I get what they're trying to say. I get that, you know, you know, it could always be worse. Or look on the bright side and having this like deep found joy or this this different perspective, I get it. But I also think that that can be a bandaid for a lot of the emotions that we're feeling and that it can actually invalidate like genuine emotional experiences that we're having. And so then why do we lean into this toxic positivity? Well, at its core, it's really just a simple defense mechanism for us to use to really escape like the unpleasant feelings, the stress, the anxiety that comes with facing the harsh realities of our life. [00:03:16][99.0]
[00:03:16] I mean, let's be real. Like with social media, we've been conditioned to believe that life has to be perfect at all times. And when it's not, we need to still make it look like it is anyways. But is it actually healthy to not feel our feelings and just say everything happens for a reason? Or it could be worse? Like, I believe that our emotions are important and that they signal when something is wrong or needs our attention and feeling our emotions is even more important. You know, if we don't, we can build these walls around ourselves. We can build resentment towards someone or worse issues that just go unaddressed or just get worse and worse and worse. And really, staying positive isn't going to solve any of those problems by facing your emotions and by processing. That's when you're able to look at the situation straight on and figure out where to go next, like what to do from there. Positivity oftentimes in certain situations, it's a Band-Aid, but feeling your emotions is a long term solution. And this is where authentic positivity comes into place. So authentic positivity is when you really believe that you will get to the other side. But once you first face what you're dealing with now. So, yes, you still can have hope for brighter days, but you know that you can only get there once you deal with the emotions that you're currently feeling and you have hope, but you're not masking your feelings. This is authentic positivity. I know I can get there, but first I need to heal or I know I can get there. But first I need to solve this problem. And I know I can and I know I will. Whereas toxic positivity is, oh, everything's fine when things are clearly not fine. [00:04:51][95.3]
[00:04:52] But you might be saying, won't this lead us into a dark place? Well, to be honest, it's a myth that feeling negative emotions is a slippery slope to despair. In fact, it's honestly, in my opinion, one of the first steps to healing growth and allowing God to really speak into your life, like when you can get down to what is actually going on to the root of what you're feeling. That's when I truly believe you're able to allow wisdom. And whether it's through people or it's through the Bible or it's through a book or something. You know, a podcaster. People are able to get through that wall and really speak to what you need to hear. You know, often times I think feeling your emotions and facing them head on is what will bring you back to the light and not actually bring you further into darkness. Even though, you know, initially you might feel like you're in a really dark place and that that dark place might last a day. It might last a week. It might last a month. Hope. I hope and pray it doesn't last, you know, six months or a year. But sometimes we're just in those deep, dark seasons. But just know that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and that it's important to process your feelings. And you can also process your feelings and maintain a level of positivity without falling into a super dark place. So here's some simple solutions that I want to kind of offer to you. Number one is to really tune into your emotions without judgment. So let yourself feel what you need to feel without judging yourself for feeling them. Just observe your feelings and where they're coming from. [00:06:25][93.1]
[00:06:26] And while you're doing this, really validate those feelings. It's okay to feel bad sometimes, so grant yourself permission to feel what you're feeling. It's okay. Number two is to find a friend or someone in your life, whether that's a pastor or someone that you look up to who also understands the importance of this emotional authenticity so that you can talk to them about your feelings. You know, this could also be a counselor and they can listen without putting like this blanket toxic positivity statement over everything that you're saying during these specific times. We need someone who will listen and help us process our feelings rather than cover them up. Number three, when these negative feelings and emotions arise within you, instead of dismissing them and trying to cover them up, embrace them. But when you do say phrases like This is tough, but I know that I'll get through it, or it's okay to feel bad right now, or I need to feel these feelings in order to heal and get to the other side. Like, this sucks right now, but I know that I'll find a solution. Make sure that you acknowledge both the negative feeling and the fact that you can and will get through it. I think this is really extremely important to acknowledge both sides. And lastly, number four the most effective way to engage in authentic positivity is to really take time to process both your feelings and then also express gratitude for all that you do have in this moment. And I think that this is a key piece that's missing. When people fall into this dark hole is they, you know, they're feeling all these feelings and then they become so focused on what's wrong that they fail to open their eyes to everything that is good going on around them. [00:08:03][97.7]
[00:08:04] And so in these times when you're feeling really heavy and maybe you're, you know, feeling these dark thoughts or emotions, allow yourself to feel that, but then also allow yourself to practice gratitude. And I think that this is one of the best ways to remain balance during both emotional and hard times. So now I want to ask you, after you kind of heard me out on this topic, which one are you going to choose? Are you going to choose, you know, this band aid, toxic positivity? Oh, you know, it could be worse. Which, yes, there might be some truth to that. Or are you going to allow yourself to feel what you're feeling and have this authentic positivity? Dang, it's really freaking hard right now. Life sucks, but I know I'm going to get through it or I never thought that I would be experiencing this, but I am and I feel horrible right now. But man, I know that I'm learning stuff and I know that I'm going to get to the other side of this and feel wiser and stronger and have more experience to be able to help other people in the future. Those are just kind of some thoughts that you can have and you can have those simultaneously. If you love this episode, I know you will also love episode 62. Ten Things on My Mental Health Checklist. I also have an episode 192 The Science Behind the Gratitude Practice, which is not as cliche as you think. I really go. Nitty gritty on the topic of gratitude and why it's actually scientific and so, so helpful to our neuropathic pain, our neuro pathways in our mind. And there are so many science and studies to back it up that I really go through in that episode. [00:09:38][94.1]
[00:09:38] And then lastly, episode 283 five Unconventional ways to surround yourself with more like minded humans. I have linked all of those in the show notes that you can easily go tune into those after today's episode, but I hope that this helps you. I hope that this gave you a new insight. I know for me, again, it's super easy for me to just look at social media and think that, you know, everything's perfect and to look at my life. And, you know, I think about that meme of just like the dumpster on fire. And I'm like, That's literally my life, but I don't want to show that. And I think that there is so much power in being authentic and having that authentic positivity and just simultaneously feeling what you need to feel and processing that and allowing yourself to go through the. Now process healing, whether that's grieving or, you know, oftentimes it is grieving. It's grieving of some sort, whether they are genuinely no longer in your life and will no longer be in your life, at least Earth side, or it's something that you are grieving that maybe you didn't even realize needed to leave. Like it's it's a thought, it's a pattern. It's a way of life that, you know, you thought you'd always have. But, you know, you came to terms that me. And that's just not healthy in my life and I need to get out of my life. And so you're grieving that there's so many different feelings and experiences that we're going through. And so I just want to encourage you to stay positive and just stay authentic and stay true to who you are and just know that it's okay to simultaneously have both this deep level of despair, but also just this joy and hope for the future. [00:11:12][93.9]
[00:11:13] I mean, you know, you read throughout the Bible that's pretty much all the Psalms is just like this deep, honest, authentic despair. And then also this hope. And I also you know, I was reading Jobe earlier this year and like, if you really want to get in your feels, just open the Book of Jobe and just read all the chapters like, it's so much despair, it's so much loss, it's so much grief, but it's also, I trust you, God. I trust that whatever I'm going through, I will get to the other side. And I trust that, you know, you are you are good and you are faithful. And just having that simultaneous feeling is it's hard, but I think it's so important to. So anyways, if you have a friend or a coworker or somebody in your life that you feel like would really benefit from this specific episode or this podcast in general, I always just ask you, share it out with them, You can copy the link and send it to them in a text message. You can also screenshot this and post it up on your Instagram story. I love connect with you guys, but that's all that I have for today's episode. Love you so much. I mean it. I'll talk to you the next time. [00:12:10][56.6]
[00:12:18] All right, sister. That's all I got for you today. But I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you are not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so. Julie. A lot better. Yes. It's women in the middle for that daily post workout. Real talk, healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me and means the Absolute World. And I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace the real because you're worth it. [00:12:18][0.0]