The REAL Way to Break the Cycle of Negative Self-Talk…
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Are you tired of battling with your inner critic? Do you long to break free from the cycle of self-doubt and embrace a more positive mindset?
Join me in this episode of Embrace Your Real as we confront one of the most pervasive obstacles to personal growth: negative self-talk. Diving deep into the roots of this inner critic, we uncover strategies to silence its harmful whispers and cultivate self-compassion. Tune in to equip yourselves with practical tools to recognize, challenge, and reframe negative self-talk, paving the way for greater self-acceptance and resilience.
What I discuss:
Step 1: Acknowledge the negative self talk you are engaging in.
Step 2: Dig deep to find the root cause so you can give yourself more self compassion.
Step 3: Reframe your thoughts. Challenge them, question them, and make them neutral.
If you loved this episode, be sure to tune in to…
Episode 118: 3 Steps to Shifting Your Negative Self-Narrative
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Transcript:
[00:00:00] Hey, hey, beautiful human. Can I steal five minutes of your time? I have something super important to share with you, but I promise I'll be really quick. You're listening to my weekly bonus episode of Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter. I'm about to give you a quick tip for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned. If you're ready to embrace a real let's get it. Let's go. [00:00:22][22.7]
[00:00:30] Hello and welcome back to another bonus episode. It's time to talk about a subject that all of us have struggled with in some way, shape or form. Whether it was for a season of life or this is a constant daily struggle. This is a topic that can be so consuming that it holds us back from living our best life and becoming our best self. And this topic is all about negative self-talk. We all have this inner critic inside of us. Some of us might just be better at managing it. Some of us maybe have learned to quiet it, and other others of us have learned to not believe it. But how do we get to this place? Like how do we learn to not let allow this inner critic and this negative self-talk to really take over and control us? And so that's what I'm going to be diving into in today's bonus episode. But before we dive in, I want to share this review. It comes from Ava Gabrielle. She gave a five star review and said, please don't stop. I'm loving this podcast. It makes me feel so confident with what I am and who I am outside of my body. You're such an inspiration and your faith makes what you're saying so true. [00:01:30][60.1]
[00:01:30] Thanks for this podcast. Please do not stop. I'm so grateful for you and I'm so thankful that this podcast is helping you. This is honestly my hope and prayer every single time that you tune in to this. An episode where this podcast in general is that you walk away feeling educated, empowered, or encouraged in some way, shape or form. So thank you so much Ava for leaving this rating and review. Okay, so the first thing that we need to know about negative self-talk is that it's not always this loud, angry voice in our head that we can instantly distinguish, you know, as negative self-talk. This voice in our head can be subtle. It can be very secretive. It can be weaving its way into our inner thoughts in various ways that maybe we don't even become aware of it. And so here's kind of a few ways and a few ways that negative self-talk can arise within you so that you can, at the very, very least, identify it. Because again, you can't change something if you can't identify it first. So number one is harsh judgments. And this really involves, you know, criticizing yourself relentlessly, oftentimes using phrases like I'm such a failure or I'm so stupid or I'll never be good enough, right? These harsh judgments can leave you feeling super discouraged and defeated. And these come like very, very subtly. And, you know, you're scrolling through social media and you see something and you're like, oh man, I could never or oh, man, I, I tried that and I failed these little tiny judgments that you're making and maybe you're not even recognize them in the moment or you haven't recognize them because you haven't taken the time to do so. Number two, self-criticism. [00:03:03][92.4]
[00:03:04] And this really shows up as overly focusing on your flaws and insecurities, right? Magnifying them and overlooking your strengths so you might constantly replay past mistakes in your mind, your, you know, dwelling on areas that you believe you lack in, in your life or in yourself. Number three is negative comparisons. This really involves comparing yourself to others, oftentimes focusing on your insecurities. Feeling inferior. You might think you know everyone's better than me, or they have it all figured out or I'll never be as successful as them again. These are these are things that, you know, if you're scrolling on social media or if you're watching something online, or if you're talking with someone, even in person, you're you're constantly having these negative comparisons like they're just so much further ahead. Why can't I be X, Y, and Z? And these are just a few ways that negative self-talk can show up in your mind. And again, just step one is to figure out which one has most control over you. And this is something as super simple or as simple as, you know, identifying these things. So before your day starts saying out loud and the reason I say say out loud is because there have been so many studies to show that when you say these things out loud, your brain actually holds on to it. And this is why I've talked about if you've tuned in to my podcast for a while, I've talked about gratitude practices and how important it is to outwardly express gratitude and thankfulness, and how when you do it out loud, your brain actually latches on to that. And so in the same way, I want you, you know, to start out your day and say, okay, I'm going to ask myself throughout the day and just remind yourself of those those ways that negative self-talk can arise within you. [00:04:43][99.4]
[00:04:43] So am I doing? Am I making any harsh judgments of myself and reminding yourself of what are harsh judgments? Am I, you know, entertaining self-criticism? Or am I falling into the trap of negative comparisons and really asking yourself which one of those has the most control over you? And then step two is to figure out, you know, once you have identified those things that have control over you, figure out the root cause. Because let's be real, negative self-talk can feel like a personal attack. But more often than not, it stems from this deeper source, and these deeper sources need to be uncovered in order to overcome the negative self-talk. Like when you have these negative thoughts, you need to ask yourself why? Why am I so fixated on this? Why does. This matter to me so much? Why or when did I start having these feelings? And you'll most likely find out that these insecurities came from negative pre-adolescent experiences, or a traumatic experience that you had in your life, or a failure that you had in your life that maybe you haven't forgiven yourself from, or just these experiences that maybe you didn't allow yourself to fully grieve or experience and identify those things throughout your life and the relentless pursuit of these unrealistic societal expectations, then there are a huge reason why you might be so fixated on this. But once you can identify the root cause of something, it will start to have less control over you. And this is because understanding these potential root causes allows you to address them with more compassion and realize that your negative self-talk doesn't actually define you. It's just a you know, it's the root cause that is bringing it out of you. And then step three is to reframe your thoughts. [00:06:24][100.9]
[00:06:25] So the goal is to change your negative thoughts into more objective and positive statements, rather than subjective and negative statements. So here's kind of some examples as to how to do that. Number one is to again identify your negativity. So start by recognizing the negative thought pattern. Ask yourself what am I telling myself right now. And then sometimes just get clear on what you're actually saying. That's all you need to do to realize it's negative self-talk and that it's not actually the truth, right? It's just asking yourself and again, just saying, like, okay, I need to get clear on what it is that I'm even thinking so that I can combat that with a truth. Number two is to challenge your harshness about yourself. Like ask yourself, is this thought entirely true? And once you ask these questions, you'll realize how much our inner critic actually exaggerates and personalize the situation and turns it into something that's way greater than it actually is. And when you ask yourself if it's actually true 99.99 99% of the time you'll have zero proof that what you're thinking is actual reality. And one thing that I often do, too is I say like, how would I feel if God was literally standing right in front of my face? And I'm saying these things to myself about myself when I know that God calls me wonderful and beautiful and powerful and capable, and he has entrusted gifts and talents to me, and he has equipped me with everything that I need for this moment. And oftentimes, even just that thought, or me just asking myself that in my mind or out loud, it reframes it, and I immediately identify that what I'm thinking is entirely false. Number three replace the negative statement with a more objective or neutral one. [00:08:12][107.1]
[00:08:12] So, for example, instead of saying you know or thinking I'm a failure, say this attempt didn't go as planned. Or instead of thinking, oh, today I look so ugly, just say I'm feeling real off today. Or instead of saying, why can't I get myself together instead? Say no one could do things perfectly all the time, even if sometimes it feels that way. And again, just reframing that negative statement and replacing it with a more objective and just neutral one, like, yeah, you might feel blah, but you're feeling off. You don't have to say, I feel so ugly and fat today. Just feel it off today, right? Number four focus on learning instead of beating yourself up. So reframing this situation of focus on growth and learning instead of I'm bad at this, say this is a challenge and I'm willing to learn and improve. And number five, emphasize your effort over the outcome. What does this mean? So it means to really acknowledge your effort, not just the outcome of your experience. It's like the old saying like it's about the journey, not the destination, right? So instead of, you know, I can't do anything right, say, I'm going to give it my best shot and I'm going to just keep trying and challenging your negative self-talk by reframing your statements. This might seem simple and ineffective, but I want to encourage you, and I want to challenge you to try it out. Just even for one week. It might feel woowoo to you. It might feel like, is this really going to work? Or, you know, this is this seems so simple for me to reframe my mind. But I'm telling you, the more you identify what's actually happening in between your ear to ear, like in your brain every single day, you know, for the 18 hours that you're awake, it's you will be amazed at the quality of your thoughts and the quality of your life, and the quality and enhancement of your confidence and the productivity that you'll have when you actually take time to identify what it is that might be holding you back. [00:10:10][118.3]
[00:10:11] You know, so many times I hear people saying, you know, I've been trying at this goal for years and years and years, and I just can't seem to accomplish it. And it must just be because I'm not capable. And nine times out of ten, it. It's not that they're not capable. They're fully capable of achieving whatever it is that they put their mind to it. It's oftentimes because they're allowing their negative self-talk to hold them back, and it's this toxic cycle that they constantly find themselves in, even though they might be two steps closer than they were the last time they tried it. They're still falling into this cycle because it's comfortable. It's what our body knows. And remember that our body is always trying to keep us at this homeostasis, like it's always trying to keep us at this comfortable place. And oftentimes that comfortable place we might not even realize is that negative self-talk, because we've been so conditioned to live in that place for so long, that any time we try to introduce any sort of new thing, our body or our mind is like alarm, alarm, this is not right. And so I just want to encourage you, once you start to try to reframe and try to acknowledge what it is that is holding you back, I want to remind you that your mind is going to challenge you on that, and your mind is going to say, no, no, no, no, no, no, this isn't comfortable. We want to get back to our comfortable, comfortable place. And so I want you to push past it, and I want you to continue and commit to it. So whether that's for a week, that's a few weeks, that's a month. But I guarantee you'll be shocked at how effective these practices actually are. [00:11:43][91.7]
[00:11:43] So again let's recap number one. Acknowledge the negative self-talk that you're engaging in. That's the most important thing because if you don't acknowledge it, you can't actually pinpoint it. Number two is to dig deep to find that root cause so that you can give yourself more compassion. Ask yourself, where did this come from? Is this something that I need to address? Is this something that, you know, maybe I'm allowing myself to believe for a decade plus of my life, and I. I didn't even realize that I need to address this trauma or this grief, this, you know, unresolved grief or unresolved forgiveness in my life. There are there are deeper reasons why. And so find that deeper root cause so that you can give yourself more compassion. And number three is to once you have that root cause, reframe those thoughts, challenge them, question them, make them neutral. Ask God to come in and say, God, I want you to identify these things. I want you to give me truth. Help me to combat the lies that I'm allowing myself to believe. And I promise you, when you invite God into this process, he will indeed show up. Whether it's through your journaling, it's through His Word, it's through other trusted friends in your life. It's through you just feeling his presence and you just feeling that he is right there holding your hand in this process. But I guarantee the Holy Spirit is active and living, and it will always meet you where you're at when you call upon him. So if you love this episode, I know you'll also love episode 1183 Steps to Shifting Your Negative Self Narrative. I really think that this podcast will help you again. If you are struggling with this negative self-talk, maybe you're in a season of life where you're reaching for things that maybe you've never reached far before. [00:13:26][103.4]
[00:13:27] You are putting yourself in situations that maybe you've never been before. And so as a result, you are feeling feelings that maybe you've never felt before. And so if you're struggling in any way, I really think that this episode will help you. So episode 1183 Steps to Shifting Your Negative Self Narrative. I will link that in the show notes that you can easily go check that out, but I hope that you found this helpful. I hope that this episode gave you some food for thought. Again, this is an episode that I think that, you know, maybe right now you're in a great headspace. And if that's you, I am so happy for you. I just know that life is full of ebbs and flows, and so be sure to bookmark this so that maybe the next time that you're, you know, just having a really hard day or having a really hard week, you can throw on this episode and hopefully these truths will remind you. And these steps will help you to take the steps that you need to take in order for you to break that cycle of negative self-talk. But that is all that I have for today's episode. I love you so dang much. [00:14:21][54.5]
[00:14:31] All right, sister, that's all I got for you today. But I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you are not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so. Julie A Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an A in the middle for that daily post workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks, and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world, and I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace it real because you're worth it. [00:14:31][0.0]
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