3 Things That Deserve Boundaries
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None of us are setting enough boundaries in our lives. We are either scared, don’t have enough confidence, or have no idea what our boundaries should be. So let’ chat about it. I’m about to share three things that deserve boundaries, plus how to overcome your fear of setting boundaries, and how to determine what deserves a boundary!
If you love this episode, I know you’ll also love…
Episode 74: 5 Steps to Stop Letting People Stress You Out
In this episode of Embrace Your Real, I share my 5 step-process for releasing the stress certain people are contributing to your life! We’ll dive into setting boundaries, not making assumptions, defining what people actually mean to you, letting go of expectations, and more!
TRANSCRIPT:
Hey, hey, beautiful human. Can I steal five minutes of your time? I have something super important to share with you, but I promise I'll be really quick. You're listening to my weekly bonus episode of Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter. I'm about to give you a quick tip for building your confidence, honoring your body and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned if you're ready to Embrace Your Real. Let's get it, let’s go!
Hello, hello and welcome back to another bonus episode of the Embrace Your podcast. Today I want to chat about boundaries because I don't believe any of us, any of us, and when I say any of us, I mean myself included are setting enough boundaries in our lives. Either we're scared, we don't have enough confidence or have no idea what our boundaries should be. So let's chat about it. I am about to share three things that I believe deserve boundaries, plus how to overcome your fear of setting boundaries and how to determine what deserves a boundary. Before we dive in, I have to share this super sweet review of the day. Comes from Lily. She says, "This podcast makes me feel amazing. I found this podcast when I was really struggling with my body image. I started listening while I was working out and realized how important it is to love myself before I can love anyone else. Julie has helped me feel confident in who I am and has helped me love myself."
Ooh, I love that so much. Thank you so much for the review. You know I'm going to ask you, if you haven't already rated, interviewed the podcast if you could scooch over to Apple Podcasts. It really does take less than 30 seconds and help us out so much in the podcast world. While you're at it, make sure you are subscribed on Apple Podcasts so that you get a notification every time we upload a new episode every Monday and Thursday. All right, let's dive into this episode. The first thing that deserves a boundary is, how you deserve to be treated. Without setting boundaries you are never setting the standard for how you deserve to be treated by others. For example, if you put everyone else's priorities first, people will start to believe that your priorities don't matter as much as theirs.
If you continue to go back to the same person who disrespects you, you are leading them to believe the way that they're acting is acceptable and they will continue to disrespect you. If you tell people, "It's fine," when it actually is not fine, they're going to keep doing whatever they're doing, because you were showing them that it is fine. You need to make it clear as to how you deserve to be treated. If you don't, you cannot expect for other people to treat you the way that you deserve. People are often oblivious to how their actions actually affect people. They cannot read your mind. So speak up, be brave. This is the only way that you will be able to start setting boundaries. Remember that. The way that people treat you is up to you. I think oftentimes we buy into this lie where we say, "Oh, well, that's just them treating me like this." Yeah, you were in control of that. You are in control of what you tolerate and what you don't.
Number two, your time and your energy. Your time and your energy are just as valuable as anyone else's. If someone is making you think that your time and energy is less valuable than theirs, you need to speak up. This is not okay and it's time for you to set a boundary around that. So what do you feel like you are wasting your time and energy on? What boundary can you put in place to address this? Remember that both your time and your energy are limited and they're fleeting, which means that you need to be very, very, very selective on where and how you are using that time and where and how you are using that energy. Do not be afraid to delegate. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Do not be afraid to outsource or just blatantly say "No,' in order to protect that time and energy.
Think about this. If you are constantly saying, "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes," to everything at work, either because you feel guilty because someone else is trying to make you feel guilty, which number one, that's up to you on what their words say affects you. If you are pouring all of your time and energy into your career, to the point where you go home and you snap at your husband, you snap at your kids, you snap at your loved ones, that is something that you need to address. You need to address and remember who is most important and who needs your time and your energy the most, or who and what needs you at your best self with that time and that energy. So, you have to learn to either ask for help. You have to learn to protect yourself by saying "No" or delegate or outsource or whatever it is, but please, please, please remember that your time and your energy are worth protecting. They're worth creating that boundary so that you can show up in your best self.
And I'm sorry, if you say "No" to something that is just not available at that time, and your boss is judging you or your boss is saying sly remarks to you, or they're saying something, replace boss with anybody, if you truly believe that your time and your energy is worth it for you to say "No," don't let what they say affect you. Be confident in your choices, let your yeses be yeses and your nos be nos through the end.
Number three, your priorities. Your priorities need to come first. You cannot truly show up as your best self in your life and do things for others if you aren't doing what you need to do in order to become your best self. It's that simple. Just how your time and your energy is just as valuable as anyone else's, your priorities are just as important as anyone else's. So you need to start treating them that way.
I want to encourage you to make a list of your non-negotiables and then determine the boundaries that need to be put in place to ensure that they remain non-negotiables. For me, a non-negotiable is that I start off my morning with journaling, devotionals and praying. Every single morning that is a non-negotiable. That is something that I'm extremely clear about to my husband, to my friends, to my team and I have made that... my day basically starts after that. And all of you mamas might be listening to this and you're like, "That sounds amazing, but that's just not my reality." It's okay. We are all in different seasons of life. But you have to know that your non-negotiables have to be put in place. There has to be a boundary. There has to be a point where you say to your husband or significant other, whether you're co-parenting, whatever it is, you have to learn what is going to fuel you up.
Another non-negotiable for me is that I honor my body with movement every single day, for at least 30 minutes. This could be a walk. It could be a jog. It could be dancing. It could be working out, but that is a non-negotiable for me. The beautiful thing about that is that I can do it with other people, right? So that's not something that is alone time. So if there is non-negotiables in your life that require you to do something and you can invite others alongside, that's a great way for you to be able to invite that into your life. Making it a priority. So many of my friends now are parents and they're telling me some of their non-negotiables as families. I just think it's so beautiful. One of my friend's non-negotiable for her family is that they have dinner sitting down at a table five days a week.
And I just think, "My goodness. I did not grow up like that. And I wish that more families really prioritize that time." Now I understand schedules are crazy and hectic, so you have to find what's a non-negotiable both for you and non-negotiables maybe for your family as well, or inviting them into your non-negotiable. Remember that. Remember that you are in control of setting those. Here is some examples of boundaries. So for me, like I said, one of my non-negotiables is I have my devotional, my prayer, my journaling time before anything. So I have set that boundary. I do not check my email. I do not start work until after I have completed my morning routine. So that means if people have called me, if people have texted me, if I have things that I need to do for work or things that are demanding my time, I clearly communicate that I will absolutely get back to you, but it won't be until X time or it won't be until I'm done here.
And that's just a great way of setting a boundary. It might feel awkward at first, but trust me when I say you're going to feel so much better and rejuvenated and be able to show up as your best self after you have set that boundary and clearly communicated it to whoever it needs to be communicated to. Or, if someone asks me to do something, I say, "Absolutely, I would love to do X, Y, and Z. At this time, I need to first get my workout in. I need to first get my movement in." Or if I'm like, "Hey, let's take that coffee date outside and let's go for a walk." I'm inviting them into that 30 minutes of honoring my body with movement. When you do this, you are allowing you to show up as your best self and you are also showing people how you deserve to be treated and also that your time and your energy is important and it's valuable.
I really know that setting boundaries is hard and it's something that I'm, as an adult, still struggling with and I'm trying to navigate through and that's why I'm posting about these because I really believe that boundaries, especially as adults, are so important. But if I would have learned boundaries as a woman going into my twenties, early twenties, my goodness would I have saved so much time and energy.
So I want to remind you of three things. Number one, boundaries are not always popular, but the great thing is life is not a popularity contest. If setting this boundary will make you happier, that's all that matters. Number two, the only people that will get upset about placing boundaries are the ones who are benefiting from you not having any. Can I say that again? The only people who will get upset about you placing boundaries on your life are the ones who are benefiting from you not having any. And number three, setting boundaries shows how much people do and do not respect you. And it makes it easier for you to know who actually value you in your life.
I'm going to leave you with a few questions. Who in your life is causing you the most stress? What in your life is taking up the most time and energy and what priorities are you struggling to actually make a priority in this season of your life? Write those three things down. Write the answer to those three questions. And once you're done, after you look at what you've written down, determine what needs to be changed and what boundaries need to be set in order for you to show up as your best self. If you love this episode, I know you will also love episode 74, Five Steps To Stop Letting People Stress You Out.
In this episode of Embrace Your, I share my five step process for releasing the stress certain people are contributing in your life. We dive into boundaries, not making assumptions, defining what people actually mean to you, letting go of expectations and more. So be sure to tune in to episode 74. I will link that in the show notes below. I hope that you enjoyed this. I would love to hear the boundaries that you are setting or your aha moments from this. So be sure to screenshot this, post it up on your story. Tag me, Julie Ledbetter, tag Embrace Your Real. We love to see it.
And also if you have a few girlfriends in your life that you feel would benefit from this bonus episode, I just encourage you that you share it out right now, before you do anything else. In this moment, you press pause and you copy the link and you share it out to them in a text message. You post it up on your story and tag them to listen to it. I really, truly believe that the message of boundaries needs to be magnified. It needs to be sent out more and especially as we go into the holiday season where things are going to get really busy, we're going to be around people that maybe we don't see often, it's important that we have strong boundaries set so that we don't let their energy define ours. All right. I love you so much. And I'll talk to you guys in the next episode.
All right, sister. That's all I got for you today, but I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you're not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so, juliealedbetter. Yes. It's with an A in the middle for that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world and I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and Embrace Your Real because you're worth it.