How to Stop Thinking You Need to Be Skinnier to Be Valued
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Recently I had someone ask the question: How do I stop feeling like I need to be skinny in order to find/keep a husband?
And honestly, this broke my heart, because I used to have that same exact thought, that I needed to be skinny to deemed worthy for a partner. I know many of you feel the same way, and maybe it’s not for a partner, but you think you need to be skinnier for SOMEONE in your life, whether that’s friends, or family, or co-workers, or your Instagram followers, or whoever it may be.
So, how do we break free from the mindset that we need to be skinnier for another person in order to be worthy, valued, and loved? That’s what I want to talk about with you today.
If you loved this episode, I know you’ll also love…
Episode 1: How I Stopped Hating My Body and Finally Embraced My Real
TRANSCRIPT:
Hey, hey, beautiful human. Can I steal five minutes of your time? I have something super important to share with you but I promise I'll be really quick. You're listening to my weekly bonus episode of Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter. I'm about to give you a quick tip for building your confidence, honoring your body and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned if you're ready to embrace your real, let's get it. Let's go.
Hello and welcome back to another bonus episode. I am so grateful that you are here my girl spending some time with me today. I'm really excited about this episode today. I recently had someone in my DM ask me how to stop feeling like they needed to be more skinny in order to be more accepted and liked by your peers, by your boyfriend, by your coworkers, so many different pressures to prove.
And number one, it broke my heart because I can relate to this on such a deep level. I remember feeling this need in college, especially high school and college to just be smaller in order to be accepted. And my goodness that couldn't be further than the truth, literally, but I also know that it's such a struggle that so many women, myself included for a decade plus my life, struggled with. And so today's episode how to stop thinking you need to be skinnier to be valued, that's exactly what I'm going to be sharing with you.
But first I have to share this super sweet review. It comes from Allie [Bar Make Up]. She says, "Incredible. I found Julie on Instagram about a month or so ago and I just felt so connected to her posts. She really helped me change my mindset from working out to punish your body and lose weight to movement, health and longevity. She made me realize that movement is a privilege and to move in ways that make your body happy. Everything Julie does and says is done with so much grace and care.
"I truly look up to Julie so many ways and love that I have found her podcast to bring me inspiration and tools as to how to put my goals to work. I know that health and wellness is not a short-term crash diet but a truly sustainable lifestyle to nourish your body and it feels good. Thank you for all you do, Julie, thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom with everyone. You are appreciated more than you know. Looking forward to hearing more from you."
Thank you so much. First of all, that was such a thoughtful review. I really appreciate the shore, the long, the thoughtful, all of it. I love, love, love, just reading your aha moments. I love reading how the podcast or Instagram has changed your mindset, that is what I am about. You know I am a firm believer that when you change your mind you change your life. And even though I'm in the physical fitness industry, it should not ever start with physical fitness. Honestly, it has to start in your mind, it has to start in your heart, and when you can grasp that in your mind in your heart you will be amazed my girl at what you can accomplish.
Okay, let's dive into the episode. So how do we break free from the mindset that we need to be skinnier for another person in order to feel more worthy or valued or loved? Again, this is something that I have struggled with for years and this is literally just one mindset shift that has helped me get over this belief that held me back for so many years of my life. I ask myself what I want people to value in me. What is most important to me that I want to project into the world that I want to be valued for?
And I came up with just a list of things. I want to be valued for how I help people. I want to be valued for how determined and dedicated I am to my passion. I want to be valued for the love and kindness that I give to others because God gave it to me first. I want to be valued for how I make others feel about themselves because they deserve to feel good. I want to be valued for being authentically myself, showing up as me, filter free, showing up as me raw and authentic. And I want to be valued for just overall embracing my reel.
And after looking at that list I also realized that I want people in my life that have similar values. They don't have to be exactly the same, but I want to have people in my life that have deeper values than just what's on the surface. And I realized that if someone will only value you if you look a certain way, that's likely the priority for them.
And I don't want to spend my time with someone who values that first. I want to surround myself with people who care about me, not just the way that I look but they are concerned or they really value me as a person, not so much what I look like. Because I only want to surround myself with people who make my life better and if someone's going to judge me for my body in our relationship, that's not a person that I want in my life. So if you think someone will only date you or marry you, or be friends with you or follow you or whatever, if you're skinnier or leaner, ask yourself really, is that someone that you truly want to be in your life in the first place? Do you really think that that's the right person for you?
For me, I realized that embracing my body and embracing my real was the best way to filter people out of my life. Instead of trying to hide my body I started to own it. If people didn't like me for me, my true authentic self, then I didn't need them in my life, plain and simple. There was no fear of losing them because our values obviously don't align and so it's not someone that I actually want in my life anyways. So start looking and embracing your real and your body as a life filter. Once you start doing that you'll know that 100% of the people in your wife will value you for exactly who you are and will love you for exactly who you are.
What an amazing feeling that will be. It really, really is when you start creating this, I don't want to say obsession, but this passion to continue to show up as your most real authentic self, because when you do that you naturally filter out the people that need to be in your life. And the more and more you truly live authentically, you'll feel more fulfilled each day because you're actually living out your fullest potential. And I think oftentimes when we filter ourselves or when we think that we need to be X, Y, and Z in order to gain approval, then we're in this constant chase of approval instead of this constant pursuit of fulfillness.
And I believe that our lives should be lived to feel fulfilled, our passions, our dreams, those things that we have deep down in our heart, they need to be fulfilled from a place of authenticity instead of trying to constantly chase approval. I hope that this episode encouraged you, inspired you in some way. I would encourage you to ask yourself, what are the things that I want people to value in me? It's really going to take some time for you to dig that up because if you're just saying, "I want people to value me for the clothes that I wear, the house that I live in, or the car that I drive or what I put out." It's like, those are surface things and those could go away tomorrow.
What do you want people to value in you? Pursue authenticity, stop trying to chase approval and when you learn that, that's truly when your life is going to change. If you love this episode, be sure to screenshot it. You can post it up on your story, tag me, Julie Ledbetter, tag Embraced Your Real account. If you're not already following that account be sure to do so. On that account we post tips and golden nuggets from the podcast that you can reshare on your story or screenshot for a lock screen or whatnot. I appreciate you so much, you are so incredibly beautiful. Go out there, embrace your real and I'll talk to you guys on the next episode.
All right, sister, that's all I got for you today. But I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you're not already following me on the gram be sure to do so, Juliealedbetter. Yes, it's with an A in the middle for that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check.
The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me, it means the absolute world and I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface, so go out there and embrace your real because you're worth it.