4 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Weight Loss Goals
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How many years have you been saying you “need” to lose weight?
Let’s be real, our society today has an obsession with weight loss, and when everyone around us is obsessed with it, it’s impossible for us not to be as well. This triggers us to develop an unhealthy relationship with our bodies and live in this perpetual state of “needing” to lose weight–which is not an enjoyable place to be!
So in this episode, I share four very important questions you need to ask yourself about the weight you think you need to lose, in hopes of helping you look at your weight-loss journey from a healthier perspective.
I’m not trying to say you shouldn’t try to lose weight, because I don’t think losing weight is always bad. It can be exactly what you need for embracing your real. But for some of us, our obsession with weight loss is exactly what is preventing us from embracing our real. So, it’s my goal to help you decide whether or not weight loss isactually you are searching for.
I truly believe questioning yourself is the best way to actually know yourself. So take out a pen and paper, take notes, and take time to seriously answer the four questions.
Plus, at the end of the episode, I share with you my new and healthy mentality on weight loss and explain how you can cultivate it for yourself!
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Hey there, beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your 'Real' with me Julie Ledbetter. A podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode I dish you a dose of real talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned if you're ready to embrace your real. Let's get it. Let's go. Hello and welcome back to the Embrace Your 'Real' podcast. I am so excited that you are here. Thank you for tuning in. It has been so fun already. If you've listened to episode one, you know that I went through my whole journey of hating my body, punishing my body, and then learning to love and honor it. If you haven't already tuned into that episode, I highly suggest starting there. I want you to know where I'm coming from because I feel like once you know where I'm coming from, you can connect on a deeper level.
Through my journey of just going through this confidence, finding, finding myself, finding acceptance in myself. I've done a lot of reflecting and contemplating on this whole obsession that society has with a specific topic. And this is one that I guarantee that there is not a 24 hour or 48 hour period that goes by without you seeing, hearing or having something referred to with this specific topic. It is a topic that is huge, it is everywhere. I mean if you're on the explore page long enough on Instagram you'll see it, if you are watching commercials or you're watching Netflix documentaries or you're watching any sort of movie or whatnot, there are so many things that refer to this. And that is the obsession with weight loss, the obsession with losing weight. And I just want to dive into this topic because it's so deep and there are so many things that I have with it and I want to know why we're so obsessed with it.
So in today's episode, I have four questions that I want to share with you that you need to ask yourself when you are thinking that you need to 'lose weight'. Now hear me out when I'm saying I do not think that you shouldn't lose weight and I don't think that losing weight is bad, I want you to hear me when I say that. Because I think you could listen to this episode and be like, okay, yeah, but if you are not in a healthy place, it's not a bad thing to want to lose weight, right? It's not a bad thing to want to become more healthy and more vibrant and have more energy. I just want you to question yourself on the weight that you think you need to lose and learn how to look at it from a healthier perspective.
So without further ado, let's get into today's episode. First thing I want to ask you is, how many years have you been in, quote, I'm going to be doing a lot of air quotes through this episode, so don't have a video on you right now, but every time I say lose weight, just picture me with air quotes. Okay? I'm sitting in my closet, this is my beautiful podcast studio. How many years have you been saying 'you want to lose weight'? How many years have you been looking at yourself in the mirror thinking, I need to lose weight? How many years have you been going to social gatherings feeling like you can't enjoy yourself because you 'need to lose weight'? Or how many years have you been depriving yourself because you need to lose weight? How many years have you felt so unhappy or disconnected with the important relationships in your life because you need to lose weight?
I know for me, I struggled with this for a decade plus of my life, so many of these things that I just asked you I struggled with. I would look in the mirror and I would say, I need to lose X amount of weight. I would be at social events and I would say only I was like her, if I could fit into this or whatever, then I would have more fun. Or then I would be the star of the party, my inner gram number three coming out again, just always wanting to be that people pleaser. It's like this constant obsession and we give the idea of weight loss so much power, it controls our happiness and it completely prevents us from enjoying our lives. But girl, you have to remember that life is so much more than meeting or wanting to lose weight. You need to ask yourself some deeper questions about this weight loss that you need to lose.
So most of us think when we say we need to lose weight, we don't just say like, Oh, I need to lose weight. We most often, at least in my experience, I had a very specific number of the amount of pounds that I thought that I needed to lose. And it changed at various times in my life and at different points of my journey, but we have this very specific number in our head. So first thing I want you to ask yourself is, where did this number even come from? So if you said five pounds, if only I lost five pounds or if only I lost 10 pounds or 20 pounds or 30 pounds. I want to first ask you, where did this number even come from? Because I'm guessing if you are completely honest with yourself, you really have no idea where this number came from. It's like a random number that you pulled out of thin air that you're now allowing to control and dictate your life.
Or maybe you're looking at a specific 'goal weight' again because you saw somebody else at that way and that's what you really aspire to look like and so you are putting this specific number. But I would venture to guess that most of you, it's just a random number. I know for me it was mostly just a random number that I pulled out of thin air. For others, the amount of weight that we think we need to lose to reach a weight that we were in the past. So for parts of my journey, I remember looking back and being like, Oh well I remember my body at 127 pounds and I really liked the way that it looked at 127 pounds. At that time I thought, Oh well that's just my natural weight. Keep in mind, I'm 5′9 looking at it now, I don't even know how much I weigh now, just to preface, I don't weigh myself, I haven't weighed myself in years. If I would venture to guess it would be around 150 something pounds.
But for so long I thought that, Oh well that's my natural weight but my guess is that so much in your life has changed since that. Maybe you've had kids, maybe you were training for something back then. Maybe it was like a half marathon or your training, like your training looked different, your activity, your goals were totally different and your age, right? Your body composition has most likely changed. I have changed my body composition so incredibly much from age 21 to now 29 years old. So me even trying to compare my 21 year old body to my 29 year old body doesn't even make sense because I had so many different goals, I was in a much unhealthier mentality. And if I really think about it back when I was 127 pounds, just going off that example, I could've been like, Oh, I liked the way that I looked, but I wasn't thinking past that. I wasn't thinking like, Oh, how did I feel? How was my energy levels, right?
Everything in life is constantly changing and that includes your body. You are an entirely different person than you were two, three, five years ago, and you easily accept that. So why is it so hard for us to accept that our body's going to be different too, right? I mean, even at the end of the year recaps, right? We just went through a huge end of the decade recap and it's like, Oh my gosh, I can't even believe how different I am. And there is so many transformation photos and so much growth that has happened and we easily accept that. But when it comes to our body, it's so hard for us to accept that our body's going to change too. So I want to encourage you to remember that it's okay, it's okay that your body has changed, your body has changed because so many beautiful things have happened, maybe some really hard things, right?
Life is a mixture of the most beautiful memories and also the most heartbreaking things and that is just a part of life that is a part of the journey that we go through as we grow, and as we get older, and as you get wiser, and we experience different things. So before he become so obsessed with losing the five pounds or losing the 15 pounds, I want you to ask yourself, where did that number come from and is there validity to that number? Truly sit down and ask yourself, if you've been telling yourself you need to lose 12 pounds for the last however many years, is that even a valid number? Is that even realistic? Is that something that is just random or is it something that was like me previously I was a goal at this weight that's when I felt my best, but really I didn't. It was like I was telling myself that that was the weight when I wasn't just accepting where I was. So that's question number one.
Question number two, will you truly feel satisfied when you reach your goal weight? I really want to know because trust me, I know your mentality. You're not allowed to be happy until you lose X amount of weight. So we have that like whatever it is, seven pounds, 12 pounds, 15 pounds, 19 pounds. You're not allowed to be happy until you lose X amount of weight. You're not allowed to enjoy your life, you're not allowed to have date night, you're not allowed to have pizza. You're telling yourself, I'm not allowed to have these things because I'm not going to feel satisfied until I reach that goal weight. Right? But in reality you have to remember that it's just a number that you think will make you happy. There is literally no proof behind why that specific number is a 'magical number'. Just like what I said before, you have grown so much, you have experienced so many different things.
We easily accept that we are completely different person a few years ago, but why is it so hard for us to say, Oh my gosh, I can't accept that my body is going to be different too. Most likely when you lose the weight, you're going to pull another number out of thin air and that will prevent you from experience, happiness and joy in your life, right that moment and that's where the vicious cycle starts. Because if you are rooting and you are basing your happiness in a specific number, specific goal number, you're never going to be happy because once you reach that number, then you're going to look at it and be like, Oh, I thought I would be experiencing X and I'm not, so maybe I just need to lose another two more pounds or maybe I need to lose another seven pounds. Sister, if you are struggling with something right now and you're telling yourself when X, then I will X. You've got to deal with that right now. This can't be something in the future.
Anytime we future base like we think we'll be happy with a bigger house or a nicer car or better clothes or when we get married or when we have kids or when I have this job. I mean there's so many things in our life that we base this happiness on. But I promise you speaking from experience that it's just going to start a vicious cycle because let me tell you, when I weighed the least I ever have, I was also the unhappiest. So if I was basing it on weight, man, here I am, haven't weighed myself in a quite a long time. Like I said, I'm probably in the 150s I'm assuming. I am the happiest I've ever been and this is also the heaviest I've ever weighed if I was just looking at it like that. But it's because I have far beyond surpassed having the weight be my source of happiness.
So I want to leave you with a series of questions to ask yourself when it comes to this, outside of weight loss, what makes you happy? When you take weight loss aside, don't even focus on any sort of weight that you think you need to gain or think you need to lose or whatever. What in your life brings you joy? True joy and happiness? I know for me it's getting outside and experiencing the Rocky mountains with my boys. On Sundays we go hiking and that brings me so much joy and happiness. When I close my eyes and I think about the happiest times in my life, it's when I'm out in nature just completely experiencing all of the sights, the sounds, the smells, the feeling of just being in nature with my dogs and my husband. That is my happy place.
So taking aside the weight loss, what are things that you love doing? Who are the people that are most supportive in your life? Think of three to five people that are so supportive no matter, what you can call them at any time, day or night and they will be there, they're your ride or die people. And I want you to ask yourself who those people are and then I want you to ask yourself, what is causing your unhappiness outside of weight loss? Completely taking weight loss out of it because I think oftentimes we also go into this mentality of attaching weight-loss to everything. And so if we're not happy in our life, we think, Oh, it's because of weight loss. Or if we don't have energy, we think, Oh, it's because of weight loss. But we're not actually being realistic with who are the people that we're surrounding ourselves with and what energy are we allowing in and out of our life that could be preventing unhappiness that literally has nothing to do with losing weight or weight loss in general.
So asking yourself those things, what makes you more happy? What are the things that you love? Who are the people that are most supportive, your ride or dies? And then what is truly causing unhappiness in your life outside of weight loss? So that was question number two. Question number three, I want you to ask yourself honestly, and this is something that one of my mentors asked me about 12 years ago. They said, what makes you worthy? What truly makes you worthy? And I mean, I still struggle with this question if I can be completely transparent, but I want to ask you, do you think that losing weight will make you more worthy? Because your weight doesn't define your worth, it doesn't define how beautiful you are, it doesn't define anything about you. Whether you are X pounds or you are X pounds, it does not mean that you are smarter or brighter or dumber or more beautiful or less beautiful.
You are you regardless of what your body looks like, you are you. People do not care about what you look like. Let me reframe this. The right people, the people that should be in your life, the people that truly love you for you, they do not care about what you look like. If you have people in your life that care about what you look like or judge you and love you more or less because of what you do or don't look like, those are not the right people in your life, girlfriend. All right. Your ride or die people that truly love you, they care about your character, they care about your work ethic, they care about your sense of humor, your positivity, your values, your ambition, your kindness, your authenticity and your love. You think you need to lose that five or 25 pounds? Trust me, it won't change how much people love you.
Again, the right people. All right. Remind yourself that losing weight does not make you more worthy, does not make you less worthy. It does not make you anything. Question number four, is it actually weight loss that you're searching for? I honestly want to ask you that because I think we can get in such a deep root and mentality that we think that it's weight loss that is going to bring us joy or bring us more opportunities or make us happier, but most likely it's not. Most likely what you're searching for is confidence, what you're searching for is wanting to feel more comfortable in your own skin and what you're searching for is being confident of who you are and actually owning it. We mask our emotions so we don't want to deal with our emotions. So we're like, Oh, it's because we have weight to lose.
In reality, that's not what you're truly searching for girl. What you're searching for is looking in the mirror and loving yourself, looking in the mirror and owning your own skin, looking in the mirror and truly loving what you are seeing back, right? Because if you're losing weight in an unhealthy way, and yes, that could mean unhealthy way in terms of dieting patterns, but I also want to bring up, if you're losing weight in an unhealthy mindset, is that really going to bring you true confidence? Let's go back to when I said we think X amount of weight is going to make us happy. We think when we get that car, when we get the house, like I had mentioned earlier, we think that's going to make us happier. But in reality it's actually not going to bring that real confidence and so hating your body into being something it's not is not the way to feel confident in who you are.
It's impossible to feel confident in a body that you hate. And if you hated your way into losing weight, you're not going to love your body or feel confident in your body once you get there. Can I say it again for those in the back, hating your body into being something that it's not, is not the way to feeling confident in who you are. It is impossible to feel confident in a body you hate. And if you hated your way into losing weight, you are not going to love your body or feel confident in your body once you get there. So I'm going to ask you again, is weight loss what you're truly searching for or is it confidence? Is it acceptance? Is it looking through eyes of love? Is it walking in a way that is worthy regardless of the way you think or don't think you need to lose, right?
Simply put, after you ask yourself these four questions, here's the next step. I want you to simply choose to honor your body rather than focusing on losing weight, focusing on honoring your body. What does that look like? Honoring your body looks so different in so many different ways. Yes, honoring your body looks like fueling your body with nutrient dense foods, it looks like honoring your body through a workout, it looks like honoring your body through indulgences because you're living life. It means skipping a workout because your body is screaming for rest or you want to spend time with loved ones or making memories that will truly last a lifetime. Honoring your body is honoring your body in that moment and I think we need to start to practice asking ourselves, what does it look like to honor my body today? Not thinking that honoring your body is a blatant black and white thing.
And that's one thing that I get so many people asking me every day in my DMs is Oh, so honoring your body looks like counting your macros 365 days a year, working out five times a week, that's what honoring your body looks like. And every single time say, no, honoring your body number one looks different in every season of life that you're in. My personal life, day to day life looks entirely different than a woman who just had a baby, or a woman who is just entering into a new profession, or a woman who is gearing up to get married to the love of their life. It's going to look so different in every different season of our life and then it's going to look different day to day. And I think we need to get in the habit of asking ourselves, what does it look like to honor our body each day? Because it's going to allow us the opportunity to really evaluate and weigh the different things.
For example, I was just on a trip, a trip of a lifetime a couple of weekends ago with my husband and honoring my body in that moment looked like indulging in this beautiful bed and breakfast that we were at. The highest bed and breakfast in the world and we had our own private cook, our chef that was there making this food. It was just the best food I had had in, I would say top three meals in my entire life, it was so good and that is a memory that I will cherish forever. So in that moment, for that 24 hours honoring my body looked like being in the moment with my husband, it looked like truly tasting these foods and remembering that these delicious foods are also fueling my body and being grateful that I even had food on my plate. So just remember that the honoring your body is going to look different for you in different seasons of life and also day to day.
I want you to remember that, yes, honoring your body will look different day to day. If you are consistent with what you are doing, you're nourishing it optimally, you're moving it regularly, your body is going to end up being exactly what it's meant to be in that season of life. I really want you to hear me when I say that, consistency trumps perfection every single time and if you are being consistent, not perfect but consistent, your body will end up being exactly what it's meant to be in that moment. Because not everybody is built to have a thigh gap or not everybody is capable of getting six pack abs. Trust me, I've had both at some point in my life and I can speak from experience that they did not make me feel more confident. It was the exact opposite. It was again going back to I thought that I would feel X way and it was like this vicious cycle. Because I was like, Oh, I know that when I have this six pack abs, I'm going to feel confident, I'm going to feel the best I ever have and I didn't.
And then I started to question, Oh well maybe I just need to get a little bit leaner, maybe my abs need to be more visible, they're visible but they're not as visible as they could be and then it was this vicious cycle. So girlfriend, just remember that your body right now is meant to be where it's meant to be if you are consistent and you are asking yourself daily, how can I honor my body today? Remember that each body was created differently. My body will never be able to look like your body vice versa. So I'm not going to force it to be anything other than what it is. Instead, I'm going to treat my body the best I can and when I do, it makes so much easier for me to accept, love and embrace the body for exactly what it is. I'm going to say this again. Remember that each body was created differently. My body will never be able to look like your body and your body will never look like my body.
So I'm not going to force it to be anything other than what it is. Instead, I'm going to choose to treat my body the best that I can and when I do, it makes it so much easier for me to love, accept and embrace my body for exactly what it is right now. So for me, honoring my body looks like reminding myself every single day that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. It is encouraging myself to walk in the fullness of God's creation and master today, waking up each day, telling myself, how can I master today? It's choosing to move out of celebration instead of obligation and it's also choosing to feel my body with both foods that make me feel good and sometimes it's choosing foods that make my heart and belly happy like Domino's pizza every Friday night, not sponsored, no free brand deal so I'm just kidding. But listen, when you find peace with your body, your body will find peace with you. Let me remind you again. When you find peace with your body, your body will find peace with you.
Once you stop concentrating so hard on losing weight and what you want your body to look like and start focusing on simply treating your body with respect and accepting it for what it is. That's when you will see change that you want, like truly, truly want. That's when you will look in the mirror and you will be able to look at yourself through eyes of love and you will actually have the confidence that you're searching for. And I can promise you that the best things happen when you focus on your actions, not the outcome and that includes weight loss. So with that being said, I am going to just conclude with those questions again, I want to make sure that you get those questions. If you have a pen and paper be sure to take them out, if you're driving the car, be sure to screenshot this and then you can go back and listen to it when you have a chance to write it down in your notes section in your phone or whatnot.
But I want you to number one, ask you where did this number come from? Number two, will you feel satisfied once you reach your goal weight? Number three, do you think losing weight will make you more worthy? And four, is it actually weight loss that you are searching for? Instead, remember, honor your body, give it what it needs, and then allow your body to be what it is. I hope that this episode encouraged you and inspired you, motivated you, questioned you, and I would love to hear what came from this episode. So be sure to screenshot, post on your Instagram story, tag me, Julie A Ledbetter on Instagram. I'd love to start conversations with you. That is all that I have today and I will see you guys next time.
All right, sister, that's all I got for you today. But I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you're not already following me on the ground, be sure to do so Julie A Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an A in the middle for that daily, post-workout, real talk, healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me, it means the absolute world, and I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface, so go out there and embrace your real because you're worth it.