7 Ways to Deal With Criticism
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Let’s chat about criticism.
Because let’s be real...
Getting criticized is not fun. It’s not fun to hear your weakness coming from someone else. It can really negatively affect our self-esteem.
But, at the same time, it can be extremely productive and shouldn’t be dismissed.
So how do we handle criticism? Let’s chat about it!
If you loved this episode, you’ll also love…
Episode: 79: 3 Things That Deserve Boundaries
If you struggle with criticism, you may also struggle with boundaries, so I highly recommend tuning into this episode!
TRANSCRIPT:
Hey, hey, beautiful human. Can I steal five minutes of your time? I have something super important to share with you, but I promise I'll be really quick.
You're listening to my weekly bonus episode of Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter. I'm about to give you a quick tip for building your confidence, honoring your body and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned if you're ready to embrace your real, let's get it and let's go.
Hello, hello and welcome back to another episode of the Embrace Your Real Podcast. Let's chat about criticism because let's be real, getting criticized is not fun. It's not fun to hear your weakness coming from someone else. And it can honestly really negatively affect our self-esteem. But at the same time, criticism itself can be extremely productive and it shouldn't be dismissed.
So how do we handle criticism? Let's chat about it in today's episode. But before we do, I wanted to share the super sweet review comes from Jerry Barry 23. They said, "this is everything. Julie is a light that women of all ages can draw strength from. Her story is relatable on so many levels for women in today's world, where your size and the number on the scale are held in such a high regard. And your overall wellbeing is grazed over. Super thankful for all the wisdom and self love that Julie teaches in every single episode."
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Okay. So let's dive into the seven ways to deal with criticism. Number one, assess if the feedback provided is constructive or destructive. Who's giving you the feedback? Has this person been shown to genuinely care you in the past? What are their intentions with giving you this, and is this feedback that they're giving you actually relevant or necessary, or is it completely out of place?
One thing that I love to live my life by, like a motto, is if I wouldn't take advice from someone, I'm not going to take their criticism, because if I don't value this person enough, or if their values don't even align with me and they're trying to give me criticism, why would I even take it? Because likely they don't play that significant role in my life. And that's why I kind of go back to that motto, and I ask myself like, is this someone that I would genuinely take advice from in X, Y, and Z? And if the answer is no, then I'm not going to take their criticism.
On the flip side, though, if this is a significant other, a close family or friend, or a loyal coworker, or someone like a boss who cares about your growth, then this criticism might be something that you want to listen to and work on. But before taking criticism, it's important to distinguish the two. So first ask yourself, like, who is this person? What role do they play? Have they given me constructive criticism in the past, or is this completely out of line? And always, always, always, you can follow up with questions. And I don't always recommend like asking questions in the moment of them criticizing you. Take a moment, take a step back and ask yourself, evaluate and ask those questions. Has this person genuinely shown to care about me? What are their intentions behind this? Which this might be a conversation that you need to have with them, or is this feedback that they're giving me, is it actually relevant? Is it necessary? Or is it completely out of place like I mentioned?
Number two, avoid taking the criticism personal. This is really, really important because no matter who is giving you criticism, it's important that you, no matter what, do not take it personally. If someone you value is giving you criticism, you need to realize it's because they care about you and see your potential. This is criticism that you should listen to because you don't need to take it personally. Remember they are telling you this because they love you, and they want you to live in your best self, whether that's professionally or personally.
But on the flip side, if it is someone who doesn't play a vital role in your life, their criticism is likely a reflection of themselves. It, quite frankly, could be a power trip. It may be out of jealousy. It may be because they feel threatened. So, listen to what they're saying, be polite, but remind yourself, what they're saying really doesn't matter. And you can let it go, in one ear and out the other.
Number three, keep things professional. I wanted to throw this one in there because so many of us are professional working women, whether we are moms or single or married, but we are working in a professional setting. So if you receive feedback in a professional setting, remember that it's a professional feedback only. This is not an attack on you as a person or an attack on your character. You need to learn to separate those two things and separate it from your personal feelings. This is professional and professional only. And if you want to grow and excel in your career, not taking things personally, when it's in a professional setting can honestly play a huge role.
I always, always, always go by this rule, especially when it comes to professional feedback. And that is listen to understand, do not listen to respond. And also, remember again, that this feedback really has nothing to do about your personal character. This is feedback to the role that you are playing professionally, not to yourself.
Number four, control your emotions when handling constructive criticism. So whether the criticism is constructive or destructive, refrain from exploding or showing frustration, or even being rude. Remember that two wrongs don't make a right.
If it's an annoying coworker who gave you unsolicited feedback, smile, say thanks and move on. You have better things to spend your energy on. Or, if it really bothers you, ask them nicely to refrain from giving feedback and that you would prefer to receive the feedback directly from the person who manages you. Having calm and open communication about the feedback, no matter what, who it's from, is the best way to handle any scenario.
It's always important to set your emotions aside, take a deep breath before responding. After the fact, you can decide what you want to do with it, rather than getting emotional in that moment. Sometimes we just need to digest the feedback before we can decide whether or not it's destructive or constructive. Again, that's kind of going back to listening to understand, not listening to respond. And when you do that, and when you kind of live your life that way, when you listen to understand what another person is saying, versus I'm just listening to respond to what they're saying and this kind of on a side note can be really beneficial if you are in an argument or disagreement with your spouse or significant other, really trying to listen to understand what they're saying, like what is the actual core thing that they're trying to get at? And instead, you know, instead of responding to them, sharing a criticism to you can respond and say, I am hearing this, is this what you are meaning, or can you elaborate on a different way? And that way you can have the open and honest conversation.
But at the end of the day, really, sometimes we just need to digest the feedback before we can decide whether or not it's destructive or constructive, like I said. But again, sometimes we just need to digest the feedback before we can decide whether or not it's destructive or constructive.
Number five, if you are triggered, ask yourself why. If you are being triggered by someone's criticism, you've got to ask yourself, why have I been triggered? You are being triggered for some sort of reason. Are they mentioning something you already know, but you're failing to act on? In this case, don't be mad at them. You should use this as a reminder to just take action on it. Are they pointing out a weakness? Use this as motivation to strengthen that weakness instead of taking it personally. Or maybe you're being triggered because they're digging into an insecurity, and if that's the case, let the person know that you are feeling insecure and would appreciate if they didn't comment on that particular subject again.
Let your triggers tell you something about yourself and make a plan of action to address what is actually triggering you. This can honestly be a great learning opportunity for you. So if anything, let these triggers be opportunities for growth.
Number six, ask for details. Don't take the criticism without fully understanding what the criticism is. Where is this coming from? Why is it relevant? What exactly what they like to see instead? What should you do differently? What are all the details that you need? Make sure you fully understand the depth of the criticism, for two reasons. Number one, having all the information will really help you decide whether or not it's constructive. And number two, if it is constructive, having all the details will help set you up for success so that you don't have to repeat this conversation with that person again. Remember, don't ask for details in a defensive way, just listen and explore the idea with this person. Listen to understand, not to respond.
And number seven, make plans to act on constructive criticism. If you have received constructive criticism, especially from someone that you love or admire, it's important that you act on it. Just if you gave someone that you love criticism, you would like them to fix the issue, make sure that you do the same, because it directly can affect them. If it does, it's also nice to tell them your action plan of correction as well, so that you can fully be in the loop.
So those are the seven ways to deal with criticism. I actually have two more bonus ones. So if you are a person that is writing notes right now, write these two bonus ones down. Bonus one is remembered just because someone gave you criticism doesn't mean you need to take it. After all, not all criticism is welcome. After going through all the steps above it's okay to discard what someone has to say. It's important to evaluate who gave the criticism, why they gave it to you and what their intentions were, and why you feel triggered. But after evaluating, you can simply toss it to the side if you like. Remember that not everyone to have a say in how we do things in our lives, plain and simple.
And bonus number two, criticism is a great learning opportunity, like I mentioned earlier. Sure, you don't need to take all the criticism, but it is really important for us to realize the growth opportunity that it can hold. We need to realize that taking criticism is honestly one of the best ways to grow. Sometimes we're blind to our own weaknesses or mistakes. We also can't expect ourselves to know everything about everything. Sometimes we need that push to get ourselves to the next level and learning from others and taking advantage of other people's knowledge is the best way to expedite that growth. So, yes, while criticism can hurt in the moment, it honestly can be of the best tools for growth.
So let me recap those seven ways to deal with criticism. Number one, assess if the feedback provided is constructive or destructive. Number two, avoid taking the criticism personal. Number three, keep things professional, especially if it's criticism in a professional setting. Number four, control your emotions when handling constructive criticism. Number five, if you're triggered, ask yourself why. Number six, ask for further details or clarification. And number seven, make plans to act on constructive criticism. And the two bonuses, number one, remember just because someone gave you criticism doesn't mean you need to take it. And bonus number two, criticism is a great learning opportunity.
If you love this episode, I know you will also love episode 79, 3 things that deserve boundaries. If you are struggling with criticism, you may also be struggling with boundaries, so be sure to tune in to that episode, episode 79, I will link that in the show notes below so that you can easily go listen. But I hope that this episode was helpful for you. I know that this is kind of going out of the normal topics that we talk about, but honestly, whether it's health and fitness, it's life, it's relationships in general, I think showing up as our best selves, we have to talk about certain things like this.
We have to talk about criticism, because it is everywhere and some criticism can be constructive, but a lot of criticism can be destructive. And so I think that it's really important to recognize those two and kind of have a plan of action, and just know where you stand with certain people so that when, and if that criticism comes, you know what to do when that comes. If you have someone in your life that you feel like would really benefit from this episode, I just ask that you share it out with them. You can copy the link and send it to them in a text message. You can also post this up on your Instagram story or TikTok story or wherever you do social media and be sure to direct your friends to tune into this episode. Thank you so much for tuning in and I'll talk to you in the next one.
All right, sister, that's all I got for you today. But, I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you are not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so. Julie A Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an a in the middle. For that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple podcast, to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world. And I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace your real, because, you're worth it.