5 Steps to Stop Letting People Stress You Out
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People are stressful! Agree or disagree? I’m assuming 99% of you AGREE!
But let’s be real, we can’t escape people, so we need to learn how to stop letting them stress us out. And that’s why in this episode of Embrace Your Real, I share my 5 step-process for releasing the stress certain people are contributing to your life! We’ll dive into setting boundaries, not making assumptions, defining what people actually mean to you, letting go of expectations, and more!
If you loved this episode, I know you will also love…
TRANSCRIPT:
Hey there, beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter, a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I dish you a dose of real talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned, if you're ready to embrace your real, let's get and let's go.
Hello and welcome back to the Embrace Your Real podcast. I'm so grateful that you are here, spending some time with me today, wherever you are tuning in, whether you're walking, you're jogging, you are cooking, you're cleaning, you're working out, you're driving. You're doing the dang thing girl, you are choosing to show up to prioritize yourself, to become the best possible version of yourself, to serve others in your best capacity. I'm about to get real with you. People are stressful, agree or disagree.
I'm assuming 99.999% of you will be like, "Yeah, if I'm being honest, people are stressful." Let's be real. We can't escape people. So, instead of trying to just escape and hide in a cave, which is not a reality, we have to learn how to stop letting them stress us out. And in this episode I'm going to be sharing my five step process for releasing the stress that certain people in your life may be creating for you, whether you immediately identify it or throughout this process, you're like, "Oh, I didn't even realize that they were causing so much stress in my mind, in my life." But before I dive in, you know I have to share the super sweet review with you. It comes from bailey1917. She says, "A million stars. This podcast has absolutely changed the way I love myself. Thank you." Thank you so much.
If you didn't already know, you can leave just a super short review. Any review helps us out in the podcast. So, all you got to do is press pause, scroll all the way down, or work your way over to Apple Podcasts, if you listen on a different streaming platform and rate and review. Really does help us out in the podcast world. Thank you so much if you do, please screenshot it, send it to me in a DM. And I will personally respond back to you. All right, back to the episode.
Step number one, define what they mean to you. Now, if someone is stressing you out, first you have to identify are they stressing me out, and if they are ask yourself, what does this person mean to me? Are they your best friend, or are they just an acquaintance? Do they play a crucial role in your life? Or are they someone you see daily, but not really contributing to anything in your life other than stress. If you're stressed about one of the moms in the carpool line, ask yourself, what does she actually mean to you? If the only time you see her is at school events, is it really worth stressing out about her passive aggressive comments, or what she thinks about you?
Sometimes I think we need to define what our so-called friends mean to us. Are they really our friends? If they're making us feel bad about ourselves, or constantly adding stress to our life, should they be playing a crucial role in our lives? Remember that it's okay to outgrow people. It's okay to drift apart. So, the first step to allowing people to stress you out is first defining what they mean to you. If removed from your life, would your life change? And if the answer is no, are they really worth stressing about in the first place?
Step number two, tell people how you feel. So, if you've identified that they are someone that would and does play a crucial role in your life, and they are worth sticking around, where they are someone in your life that you care about, they are stressing you out. You've got to tell them. How many times have you complained about someone, or something that someone does and allowed it to stress you out without even ever confronting the person about it. Remember that people cannot read your mind. So, talking about how this person is stressing you out to your best friend, or your partner, really isn't going to change anything. Without you telling them directly, nothing can change. Most often, the person stressing you out is completely oblivious to what they're doing, or how they're making you feel.
So first step, you just need to tell them, without speaking your mind and telling them how you feel, they will never know. And you're never going to give them the opportunity to make things right, or even have them explain their side of the story. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to them. So, tell them how you feel, tell them how you're feeling, or at least give them the opportunity to share their side and make things right. Complaining behind their back does absolutely nothing. And let's be real, complaining behind their back is actually a form of gossip and it's disrespectful to the person and longterm is that something that you truly want to stand for? Is that something that you want other people to know you as? A reputation of speaking behind their back and gossiping. If you want someone to stop doing something that is stressing you out, you need to be honest and thoughtful and compassionate and share that.
Which leads me to step number three, which is to set boundaries. You need to be honest with people about your boundaries. Oftentimes what stresses us out the most is saying yes to things that we actually want to say no to. But if we say yes to do something, the person that we said yes to actually thinks that you mean, yes. They have no idea that when we said yes, we actually wanted to say no, or we're extremely stressed out about saying, yes, are you following me? It's all about being honest and first and foremost, understanding what it is that's going on inside of our head and being real about it. Right? I've talked about this in some other podcasts about how I always say no to everything first. Just to make sure that when I do say yes, I actually mean it. Because when we say yes to things that we want to say no to, it causes us to build this underlying resentment towards the person.
When in actuality, it's not their fault. It's our fault to begin with. It's not fair to them that we have this resentment because we're the ones that didn't set the appropriate boundary in that situation. Remember that boundaries set the framework for how we expect others to treat us. So, if we don't set boundaries, we aren't telling people how we want to be treated. And without telling them how we want to be treated, of course, we're going to get stressed out because they're going to invade whatever sort of invisible boundary we think we have, or we think that other people should know that we have.
I know that setting boundaries can seem scary because you don't know how the other person is going to react. But what I've learned is that when you actually set a boundary with someone, their reaction tells you how much they respect and care about you. If they don't respect your boundary, go back to step one, reassess and ask yourself, if this person actually means what you thought they meant to you. Think about who is stressing you out the most, why they're stressing you out the most and what boundary needs to be set in place in order to reduce the stress.
Step number four, don't make assumptions. Oftentimes we assume someone did X, Y, and Z because of A, B or C, you following? We assume someone didn't text us back because they didn't like us. We assume they responded in a tone that they did because they didn't like the quality of our work. We automatically link their actions to made up scenarios in our mind. And then we allow that made up scenario to stress us out. The truth is that we rarely ever know someone's full story. We rarely ever have all the details.
We rarely ever know what someone is actually thinking. So, we can't make an assumption and assume that it's the truth. The majority of the time, our assumptions will be wrong and we will be stressed out for absolutely no reason. It's a self-inflicted stress that could have been avoided if we didn't make an assumption in the first place. So, how do we stop making assumptions? There's two essential parts. Number one, don't take things personally.
Don't assume that everything has to do with you. And that's something that I fall victim to. I often think I'm the most important thing, right? My ego self is like, "But it's all about me." No, it's not all about you. It doesn't always have to be about you. And number two, ask, don't fill in the blanks yourself, go directly to the source and have them fill in the blanks for you. Get the real details, not your assumed details. For example, if someone spoke to you in a rude way, or they were short with you, don't assume it has anything to do with you, either brush it off and don't take it personally, or ask them if everything is okay, or ask them for more clarification.
Step number five, let go of their expectations. Let me repeat this for those in the back, let go of other people's expectations for you. I think this is the number one way that people stress us out. We feel their expectations weighing so heavily on us. And we stress out about trying to live up to their expectations, whether it be our bosses, whether it be our partners, our parents, or even societies. Ladies and gentlemen, we need to let it go. We need to set our own expectation for ourselves. And if that isn't enough for others, then really that is their problem and not yours. As long as we know, we are doing our absolute best and doing what is best for us, that needs to be enough. And again, be honest with them.
If you feel like their expectation is weighing on you, tell them, tell them that you're doing your best, and you're not capable of doing anything more at this time. Or tell them that their expectations for you, don't align with your expectations for yourself. We need to put our own expectations for ourselves first, because at the end of the day, it's more important to not let ourselves down. Nothing is more important than your happiness, your health and your overall wellbeing. If you aren't at your best self, you aren't going to be able to show up as your best for others. So, you've got to learn to be true to you.
So, let me recap those five steps, to stop letting people stress you out. If you have a notepad, or you have something on your phone, to even just write this down so that you have this little nugget to remember next time you feel stressed about something, it's really going to help you out. Number one, define what they mean to you. Number two, be honest with them about how they are making you feel. Number three, set your boundaries. Number four, don't make assumptions. And number five, let go of their expectations. If you love this episode, I know you will love episode 12, stop caring about what other people think of you. And if you have a few girlfriends in your life that you feel like this episode could really speak to them, I just encourage you that you share it out. You can copy the link. You can send it in a text message. You can send it in an email. You can post it up on your story and tag some ladies that you feel would benefit from this.
I think as we go into the holiday season and as we're around more family, it's so important that we are armed and we have the tools in our toolbox to ensure that we get through this holiday season at our most peaceful self, that we don't allow the stresses of other people, hinder our ability to show up as our best self, day in and day out. I would also love to know what came from this episode. So, be sure to screenshot this, post it up on your story, tag me, juliealedbetter, tag Embrace Your Real Instagram account. In case you didn't know, we do have an Instagram account just for the podcast. On that Instagram, I do a bunch of golden nuggets from each episode. So, if you're like, "Oh, I think I remember X, Y, and Z of what she was saying." Typically the most golden nuggets from each episode will be a quote card for you to either screenshot and save as a background on your phone, or share out on your story, or your social media. Thank you so much for tuning in and I'll talk to you guys in the next episode.
All right sister that's all I got for you today, but I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you're not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so, juliealedbetter. Yes, it's with an a in the middle, for that daily post-workout real talk. Healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts, and never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world. And I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So, go out there and embrace your real, because you're worth it.