5 Steps to Finding Your “Why”
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Every goal you make has three layers to it: What the goal is you want to reach, how you’re going to reach that goal, and why you want to reach that goal.
Knowing what goal you want to reach is generally the simplest for you to determine. Figuring out how you’re going to reach the goal can oftentimes be a battle. But what really holds you back from reaching your goal is never knowing why you actually want to reach it.
The reason behind what is causing you to always “start again on Monday”, and the reason you fall into these endless cycles of starting and stopping on your fitness journey, is because you don’t know why you’re doing what you’re doing. You can definitely reach any goal without having a “why”. But when you do, you’ll find yourself feeling completely empty on the inside. That’s why in this episode of Embrace Your Real, I share five simple steps on how to find your “why”.
If you loved this episode, I know you’ll also love…
Episode 50: 7 Mindset Shifts for Building a Healthier Relationship with Your Body
P.S. Be sure to follow the podcast on the 'gram, @embraceyourreal, for a daily dose of real talk from me!
TRANSCRIPT:
Hey there, beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter, a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I dish you a dose of real talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned if you're ready to embrace your real. Let's get it, let's go.
Hello, hello. Welcome back to the Embrace Your Real Podcast. So grateful that you are here spending some time with me today, wherever you're tuning in. Let's chat about your fitness goals. Now, every goal that we have has three layers to it: what the goal is that you want to reach, how you're going to reach the goal, and why you want to reach that goal. Knowing what your goal is, is generally the simplest for you to determine. Figuring out how you're going to reach that goal can oftentimes be a battle, but not impossible. But what I really think holds people back from actually following through with their goals is not really having a clear and concrete why as to why they're actually wanting to reach that goal.
The reason behind what is causing you to always start on Monday or for you to fall into this endless cycle of starting and stopping on your fitness journey is because oftentimes you don't know why you're doing what you're doing. So I need to ask you this. Think about the current goals that you have right now. Could be fitness-related, could be relationship-related, career-related, whatever it is, what is that goal, and once you've determined that, then ask yourself why is this your goal. It's easy to confuse your what with your why though, and that's why I think it's important to distinguish the two.
For example, it's common for people to think their why behind working out is to lose weight. While there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to feel better or tone up or build muscle, whatever it is, that actually isn't your why. That is your what. Your why is the purpose behind wanting to reach that goal. It's the reason why you're doing what you're doing. So if you're what is to lose weight, then you need to figure out why is it that the weight loss or losing weight is what you're chasing after, is what you're doing?
So that's what I'm going to be talking about and breaking down for you in this episode. We're going to go a lot deeper. But before I do, I have to share this super sweet review. It said, "Best podcast ever. I seriously have to listen to this podcast every single day. It's so amazing. Julie has helped me so, so, so much. I've gone all my teenage life hating my body and constantly restricting myself and eating "too much food." I used to make myself work out five times per week and do endless amounts of cardio as a punishment if I felt like I ate too much. She has changed my mindset completely. I now work out to honor my body, and because of that, I have fun doing it. I now eat foods I enjoy and don't have to constantly worry about gaining weight. I found this podcast back in September, and I seriously cannot write into words how much my mental health has changed and grown. I just turned 22 and I can 100% say this is the best I've ever felt physically, mentally and emotionally, all thanks to this extraordinary podcast. So thankful for Julie in this podcast. I recommend this podcast to everyone I know. We should all learn how to embrace our reals and be authentically our best selves, and that's exactly what Julie teaches us."
Oh my word, there is so much in this that I just want to say a huge thank you for taking time out of your day to send this review in. But more importantly, now that we're on the topic of why's, this right here is my why. The fact that you just turned 22 and you say that you feel your best physically, mentally, and emotionally, all things to this extraordinary podcast, that is my why. That is why I choose to show up day in and day out because I feel like it's my life's calling to share my experiences, to share things that I wish I would have known.
And not only this review, but I actually had a conversation with a woman a few days ago in my DMs, and she just was thanking me for the podcast. She's 55 years old. She's grateful because she has the knowledge to be able to share with her daughter. Even though she did not feel her best mentally, physically, and emotionally growing up, she now is starting her journey at 55 and she's able to teach her daughter at 17, and I just lost it. I was weeping because this is why I show up. I can't even put into words like how special this makes me feel, but I just want to say thank you to every single one of you who leave a review to direct message me and just tell me how the podcast has impacted you. This like helps me continue doing what I'm doing, and so for that, I'm so grateful.
All right, let's dive into the episode. So first, let's start talking about why it's so important to determine your why, because I know what you're thinking. Why is it such a big deal that we confuse our what with our why, and why do you really need to figure out what your why is? I want to start this out with a scenario and I'm sure you can relate to it, but if you are feeling overly stressed and completely exhausted after your day, you planned to work out that night, but now you just feel like working out is literally the last thing that you want to do. It's almost like you have the voice of the angel and the devil on your shoulders. You have the voice in your head that says, "You can't skip it. You need to lose weight." But then on the other voice on the other side of your shoulder says, "Skipping one workout isn't going to make that much of a difference."
So what do you do, right? How do you show up in those scenarios when you feel like you have conflicting voices in your head? Most often you listen to the second voice. You skip the gym, go home, and most likely eat a bunch of comfort foods to soothe and stress your exhaustion. You caved so easily. All it took was one little small voice in your head for you to skip out on following through with the goal that you initially set out for. You have to figure out the real driving factor behind why you're doing what you're doing. That second voice won't have as much influence over you if you do that. Losing weight wasn't a strong enough reason to keep you motivated, but knowing your actual, why will be. When that pops up in your head telling you it's okay to toss in the towel, knowing your why will be the reason you'll still go to move your body anyways. It will be the reason why you don't give up no matter what the circumstance is.
Your why is the reason you're so focused and determined to reach your goal. It's the reason you're willing to make sacrifices. No matter the setbacks, obstacles, or failures you face your why is what pushes you forward. Your why puts passion behind what you're doing and how you're doing it. It turns what would feel like a punishment or a chore into something that you are excited about doing. If you've never felt this way on your health and fitness journey, most likely it's because you've never clearly defined your why. So today, I'm going to be sharing five steps on how to find your why. So if you have a notepaper or something that you can write this down, I highly encourage you to do it. You can just write it down on your phone. You can write it down on a piece of paper, but it's going to help you when you sit down to actually determine what your why is.
So step one is you have to dig deeper. So if your goal is something like, "I need to lose more weight." I say this because it's such an easy example and it's one that I hear so often, you've only scratched the surface of what your goal is. To stick with it and actually reach it, you need to dig deeper, like much, much deeper than "I just want to lose more weight." Or, "I just want to be X amount of size." You have to scrape away all of the layers until you find your deep underlying why. But how do you do that, right? It's actually quite simple. You have to start by asking yourself why your goal is your goal, and then continue to ask yourself that same question until you cannot answer the question any more time.
So let me give you an example. Let's say your goal is to lose 25 pounds. Again, arbitrary number, but super easy to go off with the example. It would go something like this: Why do you think you need to lose 25 pounds specifically? Maybe your answer is because you want to weigh the same that you weighed five years ago. Then you would ask yourself the same question: Why do you want to weigh the same weight that you weighed five years ago? Maybe your answer is because when you look back at pictures, you like the way you looked. Then you ask yourself, why do you like the way that you looked better in those pictures? Then you maybe answer, because you think you look so much skinnier, which made you look cuter in the clothes.
Then you would ask yourself, why does it matter that you look cuter in your clothes? Maybe your answer is because you miss being able to wear whatever it is that you felt comfortable in. And then you would ask yourself, why do you miss that feeling of feeling comfortable in your clothes, and maybe the answer is because it made you feel confident in what you're wearing. Then you would ask yourself, why is it important for you to feel confident in what you're wearing? Maybe your answer is because when you feel confident in what you're wearing, you feel more confident in who you are. Then you'd ask yourself, why do you want to feel confident in who you are? Maybe your answer is because you don't have any confidence in yourself right now. Finally, you would ask yourself, why do you want to feel more confident in yourself? Maybe your answer is because without confidence, I am not able to be the best me that I can be and show up for those who I love.
So you can see here, it's kind of tedious. I mean, that was like how many questions? I don't know, maybe 10 questions that you just kept digging deeper and deeper and deeper to the root issue, right? We started out at "I want to lose 25 pounds" and we got down to "I actually just want to be the best me so that I can show up for those in my life." All right, so that is your why. It took us 8 to 10 layers of digging to get to why it is that you actually want to get there. Why is it? Now you know the root of wanting to lose those 25 pounds, you'll actually be able to hold yourself accountable to keep yourself motivated, to continuing to work towards that goal.
So I want to challenge you, if you've never done this before, it's very eye-opening and it digs past surface levels that I think we oftentimes like to stay at because it's comfortable, and it's easy, and it doesn't scratch a surface that can bring up any feelings. But I'm telling you, the more feelings and emotions that you have attached to your goal, that is when you will actually thrive because when we can scratch the surface of our why, the human element of our goal starts to kick in. As humans, we want to strive for something more. We want to strive for something that has a deeper meaning; and something that is just very surface level, although it can be easy to say on the surface, it's harder to follow through. That's why it's so important for you to find your why.
All right, step two, define your priority. So once you've asked yourself why 5,000 times until you can't ask yourself why anymore, it's time for the next step. So I want you to think about the five most important things in your life currently at this moment. It could be your faith. It could be your family. It could be your career, your kids, your hobbies, anything you feel is one of your five top priorities in your life. Take a moment and write them down on a piece of paper. I want you to write the five things down, and I want you to look at it. Once you're physically looking at it, I want you to ask yourself, how do you feel in those five aspects of your life right now? Like, genuinely, how are you feeling? You could do like a scale from 1 to 5, 1 to 10. You could just do like good, bad, okay, excellent, whatever.
How do you feel like you're showing up in each of these aspects in your life? Be brutally honest with yourself. This is between you and that piece of paper that you're looking at. Do you feel like you are showing up as your best self for each one of those top five priorities in your life? I would venture to guess if you're brutally honest with yourself, most likely not. That's why I want you to imagine feeling exactly how you're feeling right now six months from now. So think about like, maybe there's insecurities, maybe there's doubts, maybe there's frustration like, "No, and I love these things so much." Like maybe it's a hobby that you want to do, but you don't feel your best right now, and so, as result, you know that you can't enjoy the hobby as much as you would if you actually like prioritized honoring your body with movement, nourishing your body, and just having more energy; or showing up in your family or showing up in your career. I'm guessing that if you were to ask yourself how you would feel six months to a year from now with this feeling, you would be frustrated. You would have some sort of negative feeling.
So with that in mind, having that frustration, having that negative feeling, I want you to take a moment, close your eyes, if you can, and visualize what your life would look like if you showed up for each one of those five priorities as your best self. What would it look like if you showed up to work with greater confidence or showed up in your relationship with your husband or your spouse or your partner with more confidence? What would it look like if you had more energy to spend with your kids? What would it look like if you showed up to your favorite hobbies with greater passion and focus? I'm venturing to guess, pretty freaking amazing. Like nothing compares to showing up as your best self, especially with the five most important priorities that you have in your life. So keep that in mind when you are goal setting. It's very, very important that you have that visualization of what it would look like, how it would feel for you to show up in those areas of your life.
Step number three, pay the price. If you want to show up as the best version of yourself in those top five areas in your life, the actions that you take daily need to align with your why. So on the days that you're feeling stressed or exhausted, and working out or moving your body or nourishing your body with foods that you know is going to bless it is the last thing that you want to do, you have to remind yourself of your why. You need to align your actions with your why. If the why behind your goal is to become your best self, does skipping your movement or talking to yourself negatively in the mirror help you and take you closer to your goal? I'm venturing to guess, you're saying no right now or shaking your head in some way. So once you know your why, you still need to put in the work. I think, oftentimes, people think that just knowing your why is going to change everything, but it's not. However, it can change everything if you can align your actions with that why.
If you want to show up as the best version of yourself, you have to pay the price of admission. Without putting in the work or paying the price, you'll never get there. It's plain and simple, black and white. So the next time that you're ready to skip out on your movement or not choose foods that you know would nourish and give you more energy, ask yourself how you would feel if you live the rest of your life not ever showing up as your best self, and then ask yourself, "What would it feel like if I showed up to the rest of my life as my best self?" Those two don't even compare, so let the motivation for paying the price of admission be your driving force. Align your actions with your why. Knowing your why alone will not give you the oomph to make the decision when it's hard, or when it's cold, or when you're frustrated, or when you have a bad day. So please, please, please remember that you have to pay the price of admission to become your best self.
That's the beautiful thing about it. I think it's so important that we work hard towards something because, as human beings, when we work hard towards something, it gives us pride. It gives us something to be proud of. When we're proud of something, we enjoy it more. We are addicted to the feeling of feeling accomplished and feeling like you actually worked hard for something. I don't know about you, but I know there's things in my life that were given to me and there's things in my life that I work hard for. Although there are certain things in my life that were given to me that I'm so incredibly grateful for, I truly believe the things that I value most in my life are the things that I worked for because I put my blood, sweat, and tears into that. It was a journey. It was a process. It was something that I can look back and see how far I've come. So just remember that anything worth fighting for is worth the fight.
Step number four, share your why. Okay, so once you determined your why behind your goals, I don't want you to just stop there. I think it's extremely beneficial for you to share your why with your friends, your family, or those who have greatest influence over you. Because, let's be real, when you're trying to live a healthier or more active lifestyle, the biggest obstacles aren't always your own willpower or motivation, but instead it's the pushback that you might get from your friends and family. When I say that, I know you're probably shaking your head. Like, "I know exactly what you're talking about. I have that friend who always tries to get me to get my workout or always tries to make me feel guilty for wanting to eat healthier or nourish my body with foods," and most likely they aren't trying to be your biggest obstacle, but they are.
So at the end of the day ... because at the end of the day, the choices that you make in your life are heavily dependent on those who you surround yourself with most. If they often move their body workout, go to the gym, there's a higher chance that you're more likely to do that as well. If they often skip out on the gym, skip out on their workout, you're more likely to skip out with them. If you're serious about reaching your goal, you need to ensure that those closest around you are supporting you and not working against you. The best way to do that is to share your why with them, is to have a conversation with them and just say, "Hey, this is the goal that I'm pursuing, and this is why I'm pursuing it."
Oftentimes, when you're open and honest about what you're doing and why you're doing it, people can't argue with you because if they truly love you and they're truly for you, they don't want to give you pushback for wanting to become the best possible version of yourself. No one will want to make you feel guilty for wanting to be happier and healthier in your life, and if they are, you need to re-evaluate why are they your closest people in your life. You need to make those hard decisions. I've done so many podcast episodes about boundaries. Sometimes it's our mom. Sometimes it's people in our life that we can't actually just kick out of our lives, but there are certain people in your life that you can pick and choose what to share with them and how much you allow their voice to impact you.
So if it's someone in your life that you're like, "Yeah, that's great, but I just can't kick them out of my life," you need to re-evaluate how much influence that person should have over your day-to-day life. Maybe they don't need to know that part of your life. So do some evaluating there and ask yourself if there's boundaries that need to be placed on certain relationships in your life that you can't just kick out, but that can have a lesser impact on the negative outcome of what's going to happen.
Step number five, determine your how. So now you know what you're doing and why you're doing it, you have to know how you're going to go about it. It doesn't really matter what your why is if you don't have a plan for how you're going to successfully reach your goal. I think that this is similar, going back to how I said, oftentimes I think when we determine our why, we're like, "Okay, great, I have a why and that's going to drive me," but you have to have those lining your actions and when you align your actions to your why, that's kind of your how. So you have to determine how am I going to actually do the thing to get me to follow through on what I'm doing.
So if you're what is to honor your body with movement, I hear that so often, "Thank you so much for inspiring me to want to honor my body with movement," and I think that is beautiful. But what I always love to ask people is, "I love that so much, and I would love to know your why behind it and I would also love to know how you're going to do that. How are you going to follow through with that plan of honoring your body with movement on a daily basis?" So that could be looking at your weekly schedule and saying, "Okay, if I really have this goal to honor my body with movement, I am going to schedule them in like appointments."
I've talked about this so many times in the podcast and I sound like a broken record, but it's so important that you prioritize your movement like you would a dentist appointment or a doctor's appointment. Think about your movement and being consistent with your movement as a prevention for future things. Just like you go to preventative appointments, this is a prevention of you living a longer, healthier life. So that could look like you pulling out your schedule and prioritizing a time daily for five or six days a week and scheduling it like an appointment to ensure that you get there, to ensure that you prioritize that time. You have to break it down into small, mini, manageable goals that you feel like will actually get you started and let your why be your driving force. Let your why be your driving force in that.
Okay, so let's recap. We have the exercise number one where we first determine our what, and then you ask yourself why, whatever that what is, and continue to ask yourself why until you reveal the deepest layer of your why. Then we have the exercise number two, where you determine your top five priorities and rank them how well you feel like you're showing up for each priority and then ask yourself how would you feel if you ranked the same for each priority six months from now or a year from now or five years from now. After going through those two exercise, you should have a clear understanding of why you're doing what you're doing.
So once you have that, then it's time to pay the price of admission. Every decision that you make, you need to ask yourself if it aligns with your why and then you need to tell your friends and family, people closest in your life, what your why is so that you can gain their support and lessen the resistance that you may feel from them. Remember, when you're telling them your why, this is not you inviting them along the journey. If that naturally comes, that's great. This is not you to sit down and try to make them feel guilty. This is simply you saying, "Hey, this is my goal and this is why I'm doing it, and I just ask for your support. Your support could look like encouraging me on the days that I don't feel like it. Your support could just look like keeping your mouth shut," whatever support looks like, cheering you on, right? Asking for their support.
Lastly, focusing on your how. Your how is just as important as your why because without the how, you're not actually going to be able to follow your why. So just remember that every goal has three layers to it. What the goal is that you want to reach, how you're going to reach the goal, and why you want to reach that goal. Knowing what goal you want to reach is generally, oftentimes, like I said, the simplest for you to determine. Figuring out how you're going to reach the goal can be a battle, but not impossible. What really holds people back from reaching their goals is never knowing your why. That's why I want you to do this exercise. That's why I want you to truly become clear on what your why is, because I don't want you to get to the end of your goal and feel like this was pointless.
Here's the thing. You can definitely achieve a goal without having a why, but what's the saddest thing about that is that you get to the end of that goal, you achieve that goal, and you still feel empty. You still feel like, "Why did I work so hard towards this? This is not what I thought." So I think having a why keeps you grounded, having a why reminds you of what's most important in life. For me, of course, honoring my body with movement; of course, nourishing my body with what it needs is important, but what's most important for me is that I show up to my life every single day in the best version of myself. I show up to my life because God has given me another chance to live, another day, another opportunity for me to be my best with those that I love, those who I'm serving, those who I'm living with, those who have the opportunity to share life with. I want to show up to my life having the most energy, feeling my best self. I don't want to get to the end of my life and look back and be like, "Man, I missed it. I missed the mark. I missed being my best self. I didn't have the energy that I wanted to have or should have had."
You listening right now, I want you to feel fulfilled, and this is what makes you feel fulfilled. This is what allows you to reach your goal and feel completely fulfilled reaching it. All right, if you love this episode, I know you'll also love Episode 50: Seven Mindset Shifts for Building a Healthier Relationship With Your Body. I go really into detail with this, so be sure to tune in to Episode 50. I will link it in the show notes. If you have somebody in your life that you feel like would benefit from this podcast or this episode in particular, I just ask that you share it out with them. You can copy the link, text it to them in a text message. You can post it up on your story. Tag me, Julie Ledbetter. We also have the Embrace Your Real account, where there are a lot of golden nuggets on that account of quotes and things that are said in the podcast, so be sure to follow that as well. I love you so much and I am so grateful for you. I will talk to you guys in the next episode.
All right, sister, that's all I got for you today, but I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you are not already following me on the gram, be sure to do so, Julie A. Ledbetter ... Yes, it's with an A in the middle ... for that daily post-workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks, and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world, and I'm going to leave you with one last thought: The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace your real because you're worth it.