10 Things I Wish I Knew Sooner
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In this episode of Embrace Your Real, I share 10 things I wish I knew sooner on my fitness journey, and just on my journey through life! I discuss everything from why you binge you, to why spending hours doing cardio is a serious waste of time, why you striving to gain male attention won’t fulfill you long-term, and seven more completely uncensored things! These are things, that if I look back at my 20-year-old self, I desperately wish I had known! And that’s why I want to share them with you to hopefully make sure you don’t make these mistakes for over a decade of your life!
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TRANSCRIPT:
Hello, and welcome back to the Embrace Your Real podcast. I am so grateful that you are spending some time with me today, wherever you are in this beautiful world, whether you're cleaning, you're cooking, you're jogging, you're walking, you're working out, so thankful to be showing up in your ears. Today I'm going to be sharing with you 10 things that I wish I would have knew sooner in my fitness journey. Now, these are things when I look back at my 20 year old self, I desperately wish I would have known. And I want to share these things with you because I don't want it to take you a decade to figure it out like it did for me. Let me warn you, a few of these things are going to be completely uncensored. So let's dive right in. Before I talk about it though, I want to take a moment to just say thank you to Katelyn Mueller for leaving such a nice review.
She says, "For the longest time I struggled with similar things that Julie has struggled with and knowing that we truly relate is so awesome and kind of crazy. But if you're actually ever feeling down or in any sort of way, whether it be mentally, physically, emotionally, or in relationships, this woman has words to help you not feel just better, but ready to stomp on those negative thoughts and conquer your biggest goals. I love this podcast. I love her workouts and I love her feed. Thank you, Julie, for bringing some light into my life every day." Thank you so much, Caitlin, for the review of the day. If you haven't already rated and reviewed the podcast on Apple podcasts, it really does help spread the podcast out into the world. And it would just mean the world to me. If you took a moment, press pause, and rated and reviewed it.
All right, let's dive into the episode today. So what are the 10 things that I wish I would have known? Let's get it, let's go. Number one, starving yourself until you can't take it anymore is not healthy and will not do anything but harm your body long term. Now I know for me at my 20-year-old self, when I would have heard this, I would have been like, "Yeah, yeah, but how am I supposed to get skinny? How am I supposed to have those long cellulite-free legs that I see everywhere in the media?" Like, the only way for me to do that, or the only way that I thought that I could get there was to starve myself. Right? And always being hungry is not something that you should strive for. Being hungry does not mean you're getting skinnier, and feeling full does not mean that you're getting fat. That is no way to live a happy, healthy life.
You need to recognize, number one, that you are doing this to honor and celebrate your body. I think about all the times that I would be dreading going into the gym because it was like this horrible thing. It was like this obligation that I felt like I needed to do. And I was no longer looking at movement in a form of celebration or nourishing my body in a form of celebration. It was like, I'm going to punish my body because it doesn't look the way that I think it should look. And for years and years I did that, I punished myself to the point where I was starving myself, and I couldn't take it any longer. I'm telling you that this is no way to live a happy, healthy, and sustainable life. Number two, Sweet Girl, celebrating, not getting your menstrual cycle is not something to get excited about.
I'm sharing this with you because for so long, I was like, "Yes, not having a menstrual cycle is amazing. It's amazing to not have to worry about it on a monthly basis." And I was celebrating that. And if you've lost your menstrual cycle, it's a clear sign that you need to eat more or workout less, or look at something internally that is going on because that is not what the female body is designed to do. It is not designed to lose your menstrual cycle, right? You've got to treat your body in a healthier way. Losing your menstrual cycle is way deeper than just looking at the menstrual cycle. It means that there's things inside your body that are out of whack, unhealthy, and needs to be addressed. Long-term this can cause so much damage than you actually might realize.
And if you're someone who's looking to have kids one day, this could be a huge problem. So if that's you, maybe that was you and you can relate to this so hard, girl I'm with you. I was at a point where I used to celebrate that, and then I started to truly honor my body and nourish my body. And once I got my menstrual cycle back, I was like, this is such a blessing. And yes, it can be a pain that I blow. And yes, it can be a pain that I get moody. And yes, I crave all the things. But here's the deal, it's a blessing. It is a blessing to have a menstrual cycle. And so if you are struggling with not getting a menstrual cycle, I want to be the first to tell you to reach out to somebody that is a specialist in that area that can help you with that.
But most likely it's a clear sign, like I said, that something is not working properly in your body and that needs to be addressed. So definitely something to take a look at. Number three, the thousand calories that you burned on the elliptical does not make you more worthy than anyone, nor does it mean that you will reach your goals faster. Let me talk about this one, because I used to think that a thousand calories on the elliptical made me some sort of super woman. And I remember walking into the gym and telling myself, "Okay, it's going to be like an hour and 15 minutes of your life, but you just got to do it." And it was like this punishment mindset. And then I remember when I would finish my elliptical session, and I had burnt, I would always like try to beat it. I'd be at like, 1,050 calories.
It was so such an unhealthy mindset, you guys. I remember walking out though, always feeling puffed up. Like feeling like, "Man, look at me, look what I just did." And it was like, I was trying to impress people that weren't even looking at me. Like I was thinking that they were looking at me, but they were not looking at them because they were thinking that I was looking at them. Right? We live in this constant world of keeping up with the Jones or thinking that so and so was looking at you in this way, and so you got to really muster up all that you have to do your best and achieve your best in all these things. And it was just wasting so much time. Like I think about the time that I wasted in college, when I would go into the gym on my work break, or I would go into the gym in between classes.
And it was like, Oh my gosh, if I could have had all of that time back, it would have been months and months of my life that I could have gotten back that I had spent on the elliptical. Plus, when you are doing that, you're burning all of the muscle that you're working to build. There's so many more fun and exciting ways to move your body than just the elliptical. And there is absolutely, let me say this again, there is absolutely no reason why you need to burn a thousand calories a day.
Plus if you think that it will help you reach your goals faster, you have to think about the long-term effects that it will have on your mind and body. There is absolutely no way that you're going to want to do that every day for the rest of your life. So chances are when you stop doing that, and once you reach your "goal weight", you will likely gain that weight back plus more than you even started because your body is going to think that it needs to have those thousand calories burned on the elliptical to function properly. And your body has gotten to a point where it has been trained that way.
And I remember, like, I've now gone through four full-reverse diets because I severely reduce my caloric intake and I was severely over-exercising. And that took years of my life to train my metabolism properly and get my metabolic capacity to the point where it can now function properly on a higher amount of calories intake, in terms of what I'm eating, and not having to do so much output in terms of exercise. So definitely something to take a look at. Number four, protein is essential to a healthy diet. You need to stop being scared of it. It is not going to make you bulky or fat. In fact, right before this episode, I just scarfed down the most delicious grilled chicken of my life. Honestly, I don't say that. Like, I mean like it's so good. Josh found this recipe. It's actually on his Instagram. So if you go to Joshua D Ledbetter or Joshua Ledbetter. Oh, I don't know. It's something. Hold on, let me see it. Hold on, Chels, let me see.
So if you go to Joshua Ledbetter, if you look on his highlight story under recipes, you'll see it, but we just discovered a copy-cat Chick-Fil-A, grilled chicken recipe. And you guys, it's so delicious. But protein is part of a balanced daily intake. Your body needs protein, carbs, and fat to thrive. You cannot remove one and expect results. You need protein to build muscles so you can burn fat. Without protein you will struggle to ever build the body that you want. And plus, protein actually keeps you fuller, longer. So girlfriend, you've got to start incorporating enough protein into your daily intake. I would say a minimum protein, so just kind of a good baseline if you've never tracked your protein, the minimum that your body needs is 0.6 grams of protein per pound of body weight. So if you don't weigh yourself, totally fine, just kind of estimate it.
But I personally prefer about one gram of protein per pound of body weight. I just feel like I feel my best when I do that. And so just remember that protein is so important and you should not be scared of it. It's not going to make you bulky. I promise, promise, promise. Number five, the reason you're eating copious amounts of dried fruit, nuts and grapes in your car at 10:00 PM until you're sick is because you're depriving yourself and your body of food. Okay, well maybe that was just me, but likely one of the reasons why you're overeating or you get to a point where you just can't take it any longer, is because your body is screaming for more food, plain and simple. If you've nourished your body with what it actually needs, you wouldn't feel the need to overeat. That was me for so long in my life.
I remember in college, I worked two jobs. I was working at Texas Roadhouse as a waitress, and then I also worked managing a salon. And between those two jobs, school, I just constantly put off eating. I put off eating saying like, "Oh, I'm being more productive because I'm not wasting like time eating," But it wasn't that at all, I was using that as an excuse. And I was telling myself that I didn't need to eat even though my body was literally screaming at me. I can remember the grumbles in my stomach would be so embarrassing when I was in front of a table serving them, asking them what they wanted to order for food. Or if I was at the salon and I was doing a checkout, or I was on the phone, I remember there were times where my stomach growled so loud that it was embarrassing. And not just that, I was bloated, I was tired, I was fatigued.
You could see it in my eyes and in my face. I was just looking back at some of my photos from my college years, and man, my eyes just looked so tired, and it's because I was not properly fueling my body because I was depriving it. And so what would happen was I would get off my shift, I would drive to Sprouts or Whole Foods, and I would go in the dry fruit section, and I would just grab so much. And I remember there were multiple nights where it would be like two or three pounds of dried fruit. And then I'd sit in my car and I would binge on it because I was so hungry, but yet I didn't want to eat anything else, I wanted to eat healthy food. So it was like, nuts, dried fruit, and then grapes.
And I remember I would get to a point where I would eat in my car because I didn't want my roommates to know, and I was so embarrassed that I would eat until I literally got so sick. And then I would drive home, and I would get in bed, and I would just feel so ashamed and so frustrated as to why I couldn't feel normal. And it was just because I was depriving myself of food. So that is definitely something to take a look at. Number six, your hair will not grow because your hormones are not healthy. And this is also your nails, girl. Like, that's why your skin keeps breaking out too. You can buy all the supplements, you can buy all of the skincare routines to make your hair grow or your skin get clear, but ultimately you need to get your hormones back in balance. er
Remember that our skin and hair is likely a reflection of our overall wellness in our body. Now I grew up pretty ... not really having a whole lot of acne growing up. I just didn't really struggle with acne, but I will tell you the moment that I started to under-eat ... And this was still in high school. Like I would say junior, senior year, and then definitely in college, my skin would get the craziest breakouts because I was not fueling my body properly, my hormones were not in check. And it didn't start to actually clear up until I really started to take control of my daily intake, fueling my body optimally and started working out less. I was working out ... Like I said, I would burn a thousand calories on the elliptical. During college I did not weight lift because I was scared of weights.
I started lifting when I was 21, I believe. 22, I think, is when I really started like intentionally lifting. And it took years. It took years for my skin to get back. It took years for my hair to start growing. I even remember back in 2014, 2015, I was still ... I was doing bikini competitions, in 2014 is when I won my pro card in the WBFF. And then the day that I won my pro card, I said, as I was receiving the award onstage, I told myself, "I am never going to get on another stage for this again." I just knew it was not sustainable for me. I was not healthy. I was not confident. And it wasn't until I truly stepped away from the stage that I started to get my hormones back in check. So definitely something to look at as well.
I personally am not qualified to give you specific advice on that, but definitely something that you need to look into, fueling your body optimally so that your hormones can get in check. Number seven, makeup will not hide your insecurities. Girl, it doesn't matter how many layers of makeup that you put on, or how much time you spend on your hair, or whether or not you have the best outfit, on you will still feel insecure in it all. The best thing that you can do is to stop trying to hide underneath the hair, underneath the makeup, underneath the clothes, and just be you. In reality, you really have nothing to hide. Who you are deserves to be shown. And I'll be the first to tell you two things. Number one, I am not against makeup. I think makeup is beautiful. I think it's a way to enhance what we naturally are.
I'm talking about when you are specifically using hair, or lash extensions, or all the things to hide insecurities, or think that that is going to fill a void in you. I'm telling you, with the hair extensions, with the lash extensions, with the pounds of makeup, I still felt so insecure. I remember looking at myself in the mirror being like, "I am spending hundreds of dollars on this, and yet I'm still spending so much time in front of the mirror picking apart another thing." "Oh, well, if it's not this, then it's this." And it's like this ripple effect. And so all I'm saying ... And I'm not saying that these things are bad. I'm not saying lash extensions are bad. I'm not saying makeup is bad. I'm not saying hair extensions are bad. I'm just saying that those are things to enhance your natural beauty.
Those are things that are just fun, right? That's icing on top of the cake. But you have to go deeper and you have to get to the root of who you are and the root of the true insecurity and address it that way. True beauty is how you feel on the inside. It reflects in your eyes. It is not physical. If you're struggling with this, I want you to write this down somewhere where you can see it. So whether it's a sticky note that you put on a mirror, it's a phone lock, like a lock screen that you put so it can remind you. But I want you to write down this, "Dear you, make peace with your body and watch the reflection staring back at you change in your eyes."
Number eight, finding satisfaction in boys liking and lusting after you will not fulfill you. It never will. I haven't really talked about this a lot on my platforms, but growing up, I really, really struggled with this. And I kind of look back ... When I did a lot of deep inner work, and I'm still constantly doing that on a daily basis through journaling, and visualizing, and just overall taking an inventory of my life and my thoughts. And growing up I craved control so much because I lost a lot of control. When I was 14 my parents got a divorce. And not blaming it on them, our parents are people and we are all imperfect people, and things are the way that they are, unfortunately. But as a person that craved control so much ... When I felt like all that I've known as a child growing up was kind of broken, in a sense, I craved control more than I ever have.
When I was 14 is when I really ... and I talked about this in episode one. So if you haven't heard that go back and listen to it, but I really craved control. And as a result, it came out in my appearance, which ultimately ended up down this decade-long struggle of eating and body image disorder because I was craving control. And when it boils down to, I was craving control of people. And more importantly, I was craving control of boys of men. I wouldn't even say men, because the way that I was ... the things that I was doing to try to attract these people were attracting boys. They were not attracting men, which I'll get to in a second. But I remember I would wear really skimpy clothes and I would eat less and less and less because I just wanted to attract the boy.
And I struggled with that all through high school. I struggled with that in college. And it was this constant thing where I wanted the attention from that. I wanted them to like me, I wanted them to lust after me. And I wish that I would've learned this sooner that this may give you temporary satisfaction and confidence, but it will wear off, and it will leave you feeling more and more insecure and empty. Like real fulfillment comes from getting the right kind of attention. But first, real contentment comes from knowing who you are and knowing whose you are and being content in that, and that alone. Right? Attention from being your authentic self. When people truly see you and they love you for you, that's where true contentment comes, in my opinion.
The other day, I posted something on my Instagram story and I had a really brave girl comment, and she said, "I fear that if I don't have abs or a thigh gap then guys won't like me." And this is what I had to say to her. I said, "If the boy is only after a thigh gap and abs, you've got the attention of a boy. You need to honor yourself. And trust me, eventually in God's timing, the right man will come along in your path and love you for you, not a forced version of you." And I truly, truly believe that with everything in my being, because that was me. That was me for a decade of my life. I thought if I could only be skinnier, if I could only wear clothes that showed my butt cheeks and showed my chest off.
And I'm being completely real with you. Like, not something I'm proud of, but that's something that I strived for secretly. And it left me feeling so insecure. And I remember my senior year of college, I had challenged myself to kind of us a single year. Like I told myself, I'm not going to date, and the next person that I kiss is going to be my husband. And it was a very blunt thing, but it had gotten to this ... it had been building up. And I remember just feeling so insecure and feeling like all these guys were texting me, and all these guys were liking me and lusting after me, and yet I felt so insecure, still. I remember sitting on my college bed in one of my houses that I lived in journaling, just saying, "God, I don't want this." Like, I don't want this type of attention. This is not the attention that I want."
And I felt like God's voice, His whisper just said, "Take a year with me. Take a year with me and let me show you whose you are." Because ultimately at the end of the day, that's all that really matters. And so for that year of my life ... Sorry, I get emotional just talking about it because it's so hard and it's such a ... it's a rat race. And it's a race that will leave you feeling so empty. And so I just remember that year of my life, I journaled and I committed myself to a year of singleness. And I kid you not, it was like a year and two months later ... I think it was 14 months into it. Which is really funny because at 12 months I was like, "Okay God, it's been a year." Which, I have to tell you that, that was the most transformative year of my life.
Just completely focusing on immersing myself in journaling, and God's word, and surrounding myself with people that uplift me, and putting myself in places where I was being built up in my faith, and being built up as a woman. And I remember though, at the end of 12 months, I was like, "All right, God. Like, I'm waiting." And I just remember those months, I had kind of got ... it was like a week long where I was like, "Okay, God, I committed a year to you. Where are you? Where are you showing up?" And I just felt like He just kept saying trust. And I've talked about this before, but in my journal during that year is when I really was intentional about writing my husband journal. Which I feel like I need to do a whole podcast on that because I was writing on a weekly basis to my future husband, not knowing who he was.
And I just kept feeling like over and over again, God kept saying, "Your love story's going to be one that there's no doubt about it that I brought you two together." And it was something that I always came back to and I wouldn't have found ... I would not have gotten that word, I don't believe, unless I was silent like I was for that year, and really being intentional about listening to God. So anyways, I just remember, 14 months later is when I actually met my husband, Josh. And I can tell you that there's no doubt about it that God brought us together. If you guys don't know, my husband is 100% deaf. I'm obviously hearing. I had never met a deaf person in my life. Never knew sign language, none of that. Which our story is just crazy and such a Testament that God is always ... His timing is always perfect.
And so I send that to that girl because I truly believe that when you are not a forced version of yourself, the right man will come along and in God's timing. So trust that, trust that, trust that. Please. Number nine, if you just opened up about your disordered relationship with food and body, you'd find so much freedom. Trust me, you are not alone in this battle. When you open up about something, it will have so much less power over you. Like the more you talk about it, the more you'll realize that you were in company with so many other women in your life, maybe you knew where maybe you didn't know, who were currently struggling or have struggled with the same things. And truly when you open up about your struggle, it encourages other women to open up as well. This past week on my Instagram, I did a reel, R-E-E-L, versus real, R-E-A-L.
And it was amazing to see the hundreds of women posting their reel verse real. And it just reminded me that authenticity breeds authenticity, and vulnerability breeds vulnerability. And so I want to encourage you to share your story. I actually saved a highlight to my Instagram. So if you go to my Instagram and look at my highlights, I actually have a highlight called Real Bodies, R-E-A-L Bodies. And you can just scroll through and look at some of the women that were brave enough to show up on the interwebs and tag me with that. And if you are listening to this and you haven't already, I want to encourage you, girl, to be brave because I have talked in the DM's to so many of those women this past week, and they have told me, "Thank you for being brave enough to share because I shared, and as a result, my sister-in-law came to me ..." Or, my best friend from college came to me.
Or this girl that I know from work, she said, "Wow, thank you so much for sharing." And it's just this ripple effect. So I, to remind you of this, when you're struggling with opening up about your story or opening up about your struggles, when you let go of the illusion of control, you will be amazed at how things, people, and opportunities come to you. And I'll tell you, this is another thing too, that when I opened up about my struggles and when I opened up about my insecurities, I cannot tell you how many things came to me that I was like, where were you my whole life? But I truly believe that in surrendering the right opportunities and the right people will come along in your path that you need to have.
Whether that's a mentor, that's someone that's coming alongside of you that really knows that struggle too. But it's a beautiful thing to know that you are not alone. And lastly, number 10, you are beautiful just the way you are. I need you to stop trying to fit into size X, because that's what society is telling you to be in order to be accepted. I need you to stop thinking that you need to look a certain way. What you need is just to be you. That's what society truly needs. Like honestly, when I look back, I'm like, man, all of the college years of my life was a forced version of myself. And sometimes I wish that I could go back and meet the people that I knew in college and tell them like, "Hey, this is really me now. This is where I am." And that's the beautiful thing about social media is I've been able to connect with so many women that have previously ... I've kind of like, crossed paths like earlier in my life.
And now I've been able to chat with them about my struggles, and it's been so incredible to connect with them. But the society needs you. Society needs you as you, not a forced version of you. So that was 10 things, 10 things that I wish I would've known back at 20. I know it was pretty honest, but the reason I wanted to share that with you is because if I can help one woman know that she's not alone in her struggle, I did my job. I'm so thankful for my struggles that I went through because without them, I wouldn't have uncovered and came across my incredible strength, which has created my purpose, my purpose for what I'm doing today, every single day. Right?
Since prioritizing and restoring my health around nine years ago so much has happened. But one of the most noticeable things, other than my body recomposition, relationship with food, and self-talk, has been the difference with my hair, my skin, many other things. Actually, I'm going to switch this around. Chels, hold on. Since prioritizing and restoring my health around nine years ago, so much has happened. Yes, I had a body recomposition, I've had a difference in my hair and skin, and my relationship with food, but the biggest thing is I think just overall embracing who I am. Embracing the fact that God made me for me. And I went through these struggles because now I can talk about them and I can relate with so many other women. Right? And so I just want to encourage you to share your story.
Like I praise God every day for restoration that I've gone through and all glory to Him. And I want you to remember that your testimony is both your most powerful weapon and your strongest defense. So don't let it go to waste. I want to encourage you to share 10 things that you wish you would've known 10 years ago, because you never know who is listening, or watching, or reading your message.
About nine years ago, when I first started opening up, I read this quote that literally stopped me dead in my tracks. And maybe you need to hear it too. It said, "Your story is the key that can unlock someone else's prison. So share your testimony." And I remember reading that being like, "Wow, I went through all of these things in my life, and I never know what thing or what struggle that I went through could truly be the key to help unlock somebody else's prison. "It was just such a powerful reminder. So I encourage you to rewind and write that down. If you need that, just encouragement, that boost to be open, be transparent, be vulnerable, and share your struggles. So I'm going to recap the 10 things that I wish I would have known.
Number one, starving yourself until you can't take it anymore is not healthy and will not do anything but harm your body long-term. Number two, Sweet Girl, celebrating, not getting a menstrual cycle is not something to get excited about. Number three, the thousand calories burnt on the elliptical does not make you more worthy than anyone, and most likely will not get you results faster. Number four, protein is essential to a healthy diet, quit being scared of it. It is not something to make you bulky. It is not going to make you bulky or fat. Number five, the reason that you are overeating on dried fruits, and nuts, and grapes in your car at 10:00 PM until you're sick is because you're depriving your body of food.
Number six, your hair will not grow because your hormones are not healthy. Number seven, makeup will not hide your insecurities. Number eight, finding satisfaction in boys liking and lusting after you, will not fulfill you, it never will. Number nine, if you just opened up about your disordered relationship with food and your body, you will find so much freedom. And number 10, you are beautiful just the way you are.
I would love to know the things that you wish you would've known when you first started on your health and fitness journey. So we sure to take a screenshot of this, post it up on your stories. Tag me, Julie Ledbetter, so that I can see it. And if you love this episode, I know you'll love episode three. It's titled, Five Things to Tell Yourself Daily While Learning to Love Your Body. I know the five things I share in the episode will drastically reshape your mindset around your body and help you learn to love it unconditionally, because at the end of the day, hating your body won't make it any skinnier. So you might as well learn to love it, right? And if you loved that episode and this episode, I also know that you'll love episode 11, which is Five Reminders When You Can't See Your Progress.
So if you're feeling upset that you've been working so hard to build the body you want, and you feel like you have nothing to show for it, and you feel confused why all the hours that you're spending in the gym are not paying off, this episode is for you. That is all that I have for today's episode. Thank you so much for tuning in. If you have somebody in your life, a sister, a friend, a coworker that needs to hear this message, would you just mind sharing it? There is three dots on Apple podcasts and Spotify.
And if you click that, you'll be able to copy the link of this episode and you can share it out in a text message, you can post it up on your Facebook, in your Instagram stories, in a DM. However you want to share this message. I just hope that this encourages, empowers, inspires you. And I would love to hear what came from it. So again, be sure to take a screenshot of this, post it up on your story, tag me, Julie Ledbetter. We also have an Instagram forum, Embrace Your Real. In case you didn't know that it's just Embrace Your Real on Instagram. And I will talk to you guys in the next episode.