Breaking Your "Not Enough" Mentality
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When put our head on our pillow at night, we always feel like there was more we needed to do and we didn’t get enough done. We could have done more at work, we could have done more with our kids, we could have done more in our workouts, we could have done more around the house, we could have done more, more, more, more.
And aside from all of that, we also feel like what we have isn’t enough–our wardrobe isn’t trendy enough, our house isn’t big enough, our car isn’t nice enough, our job doesn't pay us enough, and the list just goes on and on.
Most of us are living our lives believing what we have isn't enough, what we do isn't enough, and who we are isn't enough. When will enough ever be enough? Or will we live our entire lives never feeling like any of it is enough?
We need to break this mentality, sister. And in this episode of Embrace Your Real, I’m going to tell you how.
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TRANSCRIPT:
Hey there, beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Real with me Julie Ledbetter. A podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I dish you a dose of real talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned if you're ready to embrace your real. Let's get in, let's go.
Hello and welcome back to the Embrace Your Real Podcast. Wherever you are tuning in, I am so grateful that you are here spending some time with me. Today we're talking about something real and raw and messy, and it's about to get really uncomfortable for some of you. And it's about to be a refresher for others. So dive in with me. I'm excited for this podcast.
I think it's so common for us to feel like what we have isn't enough or what we're doing isn't enough or who we are isn't enough. So often throughout the day think about the times when you feel like your wardrobe isn't big enough or you don't have the newest top or the newest boot of the season that your favorite blogger just posted or your house isn't big enough or it's not decorated well enough or you feel like your car isn't nice enough or the vacation that you went on wasn't glamorous enough. Whatever it is, I feel like we're constantly always chasing this in our lives, and we feel like what we have or what we're doing is never enough. Like when we put our head on our pillow at night, we always feel like there's more that we needed to do and didn't get done enough.
We could have done more at work. We could've done more with our kids. We could've done more with our husbands or our significant others or in our workouts or around the house. More, more, more. We are constantly bombarded by this thought that we need to do more or we need to be more. We so often feel like who we are isn't enough. We play so many roles in our lives, whether that be a wife, a mother, a girlfriend, a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter, a friend, a boss, a coworker, a business owner. Whatever role that we are playing, we never feel like we are enough, and we not only feel like we're not enough for others, we oftentimes don't feel like we're enough for ourselves.
Are you relating to any of this? I know for me I struggle with this. This is something that I wanted to talk about on the pod because it's real. This is real life, and I think it's easy for us to stuff it down and not admit that we are constantly battling this thought of not being enough. We have to break this mentality though.
Before I dive into the episode, I would love to share the review of the day. It said, "Body image truth." It's from Steph ND, "This podcast came into my life at just the right time. God has used Julie's Embrace Your real to speak truth into my life and shed light on years and years of body image struggles. I'm so thankful for something uplifting, powerful to listen to as I walk through the process of healing from years of using and abusing my body rather than loving and nourishing it. I love the truth of this podcast that counteracts the deceitful and detrimental message heard all too often in the world about the female body. Thank you, Julie." Thank you so much for the review.
If you haven't already rate and reviewed the podcast, it would mean the absolute world to me if you listen on Apple Podcasts. All you got to do is press pause, scroll all the way down, and you'll see the option to rate and review. It takes less than 30 seconds, and it really does help us out. I love reading these messages, you guys. You are my why. You leaving these reviews, you listening, you are the reason why I choose to show up week in and week out is because I care about you. I'm grateful for you, and so thank you for just taking time out of your day to put into words what this podcast means to you because that just reinforces my why and it ignites me. And so I'm so grateful for you.
All right. Let's go back to the episode.
We shouldn't live this life where we're constantly feeling like enough is never enough. We need to realize how fortunate we are to have what we have and recognize that that already is enough. We need to realize that if we tried our best, we did enough, and we need to live a life where we realize we are enough no matter what. So the question still remains though, how do we break this mentality?
First of all, we need to become aware of who and what in our life is making us feel like we're not enough. Typically these thoughts are driven from outside sources. These sources are either influencing the way that we see ourselves, we see our lives, or they're triggering us to compare our lives both leading us to believe that it's not enough. Like I said, you first need to become aware before you address it. So that's why it's important that you kind of need to take an evaluation, and I'm going to share three things of maybe where it's coming from so that you can identify and be like, "Yes, that is me. That's where it's coming from." So once you become aware of it and identify it, then you can address it.
The first way is that this can come from a direct interaction with people in our lives. Did a mom at school comment on your parenting choices or did someone in your family comment something on Facebook that you posted about? Does it make you feel like you're not doing enough as a mother? Or does a coworker constantly question what you're doing and why you're doing it and making you feel like you're not good enough at your job? Or does a family member oftentimes make sly comments about your cooking or the state of your house that makes you feel like you aren't enough? Who in your life is actively contributing to you feeling this way, and what exactly are they doing or saying to make you feel this way?
Like I said, it's so important that first of all you identify it because oftentimes I feel like we have these thoughts and we have these frustrations and we feel like we're not enough, but we just don't know where it's coming from. And it's because we're going throughout our day not having that keen awareness towards the certain things that might be the very trigger.
So next time you identify it and understand who or what it is, you have two choices. Number one, you can address it with them in a calm and compassionate way. Politely stating their comments are not appreciated. And ask them if it's okay that they keep those thoughts to themselves. Now many people are not aware of how their small comments have such a large impact on mental health. But it's important that we have that conversation. It maybe uncomfortable in the moment, but longterm it's going to make you feel so much better. And I know, I will be the first to tell you I do not like confrontation. But, man, does it feel so good to confront something that has been bugging you, and even though it may feel awkward, it may have taken everything in you to confront that person, you are going to be so, so grateful because the longterm effect of that is going to make you feel so much better.
Or number two, if confrontation is just not your thing, like you're listening to that and you're like, "That's great. But there's no way I can confront that," first of all, I want to challenge you to possibly ask yourself if you can be strong in that moment if you feel the need to confront. But if not, there's sometimes I think confrontation is not always the answer. And if it's not your thing or if you just don't feel right in that moment, number one, trust your intuition and two, you just need to be more aware and conscious of where your feelings of not enough are stemming from because that's powerful in and of itself. And realizing that their comments are most likely coming from a place of insecurity within themselves. They're simply projecting those insecurities on you. So when they say something that is triggering, you need to take it upon yourself to smile and remind yourself that what they're saying has nothing to do with you, and you're not going to allow it to effect you.
Number two, our feelings of not enough always stems from us participating in the comparison game. Whether we know it or not, sometimes we know we are in the mode of comparison. When you catch yourself thinking something as you're scrolling through this perfectly curated blogger's feed of, "How in the world does she have a fall wardrobe and a winter wardrobe and a spring wardrobe, and I basically just have bare minimum?" I know for me, it's really difficult as someone that shows up online every day, it's my job to be on the internet, and so for me, I easily catch myself in this consuming mode of consume, consume, consume content. And I have to constantly remind myself I'm a creator. I have to create. That's my job. That's my role, and I also know because I have caught myself that when I consume content, that's typically when I compare myself. So we have to recognize that this feeling of not enough stems from us not participating in that comparison game.
Sometimes our feelings of not enough don't necessarily directly stem from something somebody said to us but it's self inflicted. It stems from us comparing ourselves to other. Whether that be our neighbors, the perfect mom at school, the people we follow on social media, or even the stranger that we see at the grocery store. But our first step is to become aware of when and where you are comparing yourself. Again, awareness in and of itself is so powerful because just becoming aware in the moment of when you are comparing, the moment you identify it, it has less power over you because you are actively recognizing that you're in the mode of comparison. And remember, when you compare, you fail to be grateful for all that you have and all that you are.
If you've been tuning in for a while, you know what I'm about to say. But when you become aware of when you are comparing, you have to take a moment to practice gratitude in that moment. Practice gratitude. It's difficult to fall victim to comparison when you feel so overwhelmed by how much you have to be grateful for.
I'll give you a very practical example. I follow one of my favorite bloggers. She's great, and she's been posting about these boots. And I'm like, "Oh, my gosh. I need these boots. These boots are so cute. They go with so many different outfits." I've been literally the last few days been falling in this comparison trap of like, "I need these boots, and if I don't have these boots, my fall wardrobe is not going to be complete." And literally, you guys, I'm not joking. In the moment of me thinking about this... Like I screenshotted the boots of what she was talking about, and I was like, "Oh, I want to go look at them." I literally walked myself to my closet and I looked at the six pairs of boots that I have in my closet right now that are perfectly great. And I tell myself, "I am so grateful that I even have shoes to wear when it's cold."
That simple moment of me combating my comparison mindset, this mindset of, "Oh, my fall wardrobe won't be complete if I don't have X," I immediately establish gratitude of like, "Oh my gosh, how silly am I," because literally there are kids across the world, there are kids not even across the world, in this country, in this state that are so much happier with literally 99% less of what I have. And it just reminds you of the bigger picture. I think if anything it reminds you that you have so much to be grateful for, and whether I have one pair of boots or I have six pairs of boots in my closet, I have something to cover my feet when it gets cold and that is something to be grateful for.
So really identifying that and reminding yourself that gratitude literally shrivels comparison when you fixate on that. So if there's anything that I can remind you that it's so, so important that we consume ourselves with this attitude of gratitude, this state of gratitude. We are constantly living in it because it is so hard for us to fall victim to the games of comparison or I don't even want to say fall victim to because even if you're living in a state of gratitude, you can still fall victim to comparison because we're human. But it will lessen the time and the impact that that comparison has on you.
I dive a lot more into this in episode 31 How To Stop Comparing Yourselves To Others. So I'll link that in the show notes below. But please just remember the power that gratitude has, and just this attitude of gratitude on just allowing yourself to not live and be consumed by this comparison game.
Number three, our feelings of not enough stems from our need to impress. First of all, you need to ask yourself why you feel the need to impress, and who in your life do you feel like you need to impress, and why do you feel like you need to impress them? Again, it's this simple notion of bringing awareness to what it is that you are feeling and why you're feeling it. Because once you bring awareness to that, then what you can do is redefine what impressive actually means to you. Like if impressive to you means chasing a life of more, whether that be doing more, having more, being more, you need to redefine what impressive actually means. Like really, what it actually means to you.
This is something I've actively done, and it is drastically changed the way that I view myself and my life. And just to be real with you, this is something that I'm constantly doing. I'm constantly reminding myself of what does impressive actually mean? When I take inventory of three to five people in my life that I just think that they're just impressive human beings, it's not the people that have the most. It's not the people that dress the best. It's people that are making a massive, massive impact on my life. They have done incredible things. They have said incredible things. They live in a way that's humble and that is truly just coming from this love out of their heart. That's what an impressive life to me is, and I constantly have to remind myself of that because we live in a society where we equate more things to more impressive. And at the end of our life, we are going to be laying on our death bed.
I guarantee you're not going to have a list of people that are impressive that are probably even people that might not even be well known. The people that you're going to list off at the end of your life as most impressive are going to be the people that made the biggest impact in your life. Could be spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, relationally. These are people that made massive dents in you, in your character, in the way that you think, in the way that you live. They're not the people that are flashy and dressing in the best of the best of the best. I'm sorry, and I know that that is so contradictory to the society that we live in, but it's so true. And I think it's so important that we need to redefine what impressive actually means.
To me, it's more impressive when I see someone taking a break and enjoying themselves instead of running themselves down into the ground working. To me, it's more impressive when I see someone own up to their mistakes or share their real and raw of what's really going on rather than pretending that they're perfect or that everything in their life is perfect. To me, it's more impressive for someone to own their curves while enjoying their lives rather than killing themselves with working out every day just to have a perfect body and not enjoying their life. I'm telling you, I'm saying that from a place of truth because I've been that girl that had the most physically fit shell, the shredded six pack, the very, very lean body fat percentage, and I was not enjoying my life. That was not impressive to me.
Ultimately, we are chasing perfecting, and that is what is making us feel like we aren't enough. I can promise you 10 times out of 10 as a human when you compare yourself to perfect, you will never feel like enough because honestly perfection is just not attainable, nor is it enjoyable. Being a human, being real and raw and authentic and having all the feelings that we as humans get to feel is so incredible. To be honest, perfection is not impressive to me. Being real is what is impressive to me. So I want to challenge you to impress others by being authentic and not impressing others by having the best things or doing the best things or having more things or being the best at everything.
Ultimately, choosing to impress others by being authentic is what's going to bring you more happiness in your life. And not to mention, that's going to be the most influential in people's lives. You are going to be so much more influential as a person when you're real and raw and authentic rather than putting on this fake façade of perfection and constantly living in this fear of when are they going to find me out. We don't need to live in this state of fear. We're not built to live in this state of fear because we as humans, we connect to others when we are real and raw. Remember that life is not about being rich or popular or highly educated or even perfect. It's about being honest, being humble, being kind, and most importantly being real.
I saw this quote the other day and it literally caught me in my tracks. It said, "I would rather be known in my life as an honest sinner than a lying hypocrite." And I was like mind blown emoji times 1000. It's so true. "I would rather be known in my life as an honest sinner than a lying hypocrite."
I hope that this message encouraged you, reminded you that being real and raw and messy and authentic, that's the most impressive thing that you can do as a human because that is what is going to allow you to connect to so many people because they recognize that they're not alone. They feel like they can be in your presence and let their guard down and not feel like they're constantly trying to measure up.
Again, if comparison is something that you struggle with, I highly recommend tuning in to episode 31 How To Stop Comparing Yourselves To Others, which is linked in the shows notes for you to easily go listen. Thank you so much for tuning in. I hope that this message encouraged you, inspired you in some way.
If you have two girlfriends in your life that you're like, "Man, this message I feel like would really hit them," I just ask that you send it to them. You can send the link whether you're on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, you'll see three dots on the top or the bottom of the screen. You click on that, you'll see the option to copy link. You can send it out in a text message. You can post it up on your story. Screenshot this, tag me Julie Ledbetter. I would love to hear your aha moments that came from it.
Thank you so much for spending some time with me today. I love you so much, and I'll talk to you guys in the next episode.
All right, sister. That's all I got for you today. But I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you're not already following me on the Gram, be sure to do so Julie A Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an A in the middle. For that daily post workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks, and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode.
Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolutely world, and I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and impress your real because you're worth it.