5 Reasons Why Having the "Perfect Body" is Not What You Think
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Everyone thinks they want the perfect body. They think once they get there, they will finally be more beautiful, be more liked, be more valued. And they think they will finally feel happier, more confident, more worthy. They think their entire world will flip upside down for the better if they’re just able to build the “perfect” body.
In this episode, I chat with you about why that couldn’t be further from the truth. Going from being a pro fitness competitor to becoming an honoring your body advocate, I’m speaking 100% from my experience. And I hope that my experience will show you that it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be.
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TRANSCRIPT:
Hey there beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Real, with me Julie Ledbetter, a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode I dose you a dose of real talk and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body and unconditionally loving your authentic self. Stay tuned if you're ready to embrace your real, let's get in, let's go.
Hello and welcome back to the Embrace Your Real Podcast. Today we're talking about why having a perfect body is not what you think. If you could see the amount of direct messages and emails that I get on a weekly basis, everyone thinks they want the quote perfect body. If I could only achieve X, Y, and Z, then I'll be X, Y, and Z. They think once they get there, they will finally be more beautiful. They'll finally be more liked or more valued. They think that they'll finally feel happier, more confident and more worthy. They think their entire world will flip upside down for the better if they're just able to build this quote perfect body. Well, in today's episode, I want to talk about why this couldn't be further from the truth. If you know my journey, you know that I was previously a fitness competitor and actually won my Pro Card.
Now I don't say that to say, wow, me. I say that because I did have this quote perfect body. I had very, very lean body physique with shredded abs. And I was quote, what so many people think as perfect. And in today's episode, I want to speak a 100% from my experience. And I hope that my experience will show you that this perfect physique is not all that it's cracked up to be. Before I dive in, I want to share this super sweet review of the day. You guys know, I love sharing these reviews. I read them on a weekly basis. Today's it comes from [Cool Mico 00:02:00] she says, thank you. I'm so glad I found this podcast. It sounds like Julie is speaking directly to me in every single episode. She has given me so much food for thought. And her inspiration has given me the courage to start a blog, which is something I have been thinking about doing for years.
Thank you, Julie, for addressing things in a way that makes me think and encourages me to try new things. This is why I took the leap. And if you guys have heard in past episodes, there are so many times I try to talk myself out of it. And in fact, I did talk myself out of it for months and months. And I think it was even more than a year if I can be honest. And I am just so grateful for this community. I just got word that we are over a 100 countries strong on this podcast. And to think that we just started it six or seven months ago is so insane to know that almost the entire world in some way, shape or form is tuning into this podcast each week. And I am just so grateful for you. Thank you for sending it to your sister or your coworker, or sharing it out on your social media.
Whether you have one follower, a 100 followers or a 1000 followers, you just simply sharing this message out with other women in your circle means so much to me. And I just want to meet you face to face. When all of this quarantine is over, I am making it a point to meet you guys, because I love hearing from you guys. I love seeing your aha moment. So thank you again for sharing out the podcast. It really does mean the world. If you haven't already rated and reviewed, all you got to do is scroll all the way down on Apple Podcasts, click pause on this and you'll see the rate and review. It takes less than 60 seconds and it really does help the podcast. We have an audacious goal of reaching a million women by the end of this year with this podcast. And I cannot do that without you.
So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All right. Let's dive into the episode. So if you think having the perfect body is the solution to all of your problems, today I'm sharing five reasons to maybe help you rethink this and why it's not what you may think it is. Reason number one, it can easily become your identity and where you place your worth. Whenever finally having that quote perfect body, it kind of feels like it becomes a part of you. People are always commenting on your body and saying how they wish they had your body. And while that may sound nice for a moment, it's actually not. Because the more people say those things and do those things to you, the more rooted your identity becomes in your body and less rooted in who you are as a person. Trust me when I say I'm speaking from experience, it makes you believe that if you don't maintain this body, then people aren't going to like you anymore.
Or people aren't going to view you as worthy and they aren't going to take you seriously. Or they're going to say like, oh wow, you fell off the bandwagon. This taught me that your identity should never be placed in anything outside of who you are on the inside. And also on anything that is subject to change. Because if you gain five pounds, you're going to feel like you've lost yourself. And you won't feel like quote you when in actuality you are you regardless of gaining five pounds or not. For me, I would rather be known as the woman with a pure heart and not the woman with a perfect body. And I'm speaking from experience because I remember this feeling when I was at my leanest. And I remember feeling like, oh wow, if I don't maintain this, I'm just going to be flat out honest with you.
I was like, I'm going to lose followers. People are going to think I fell off the bandwagon and they're not going to trust me as a coach, yada, yada, yada. And it took months and months, then honestly if I can be real, years of undoing and unthinking these thoughts, really rewriting who I am and reminding myself that my identity is not placed in my body. My identity is myself. And the moment that I start to do things and live in a way that is constantly telling me that my identity is my body, that is the moment that I need to stop and redirect. So reason number one, it can easily become your identity and where you place your worth if you're not careful. Reason number two, it causes more anxiety because you feel the pressure to keep up with it. Like I was just talking about.
So many of you think once you build the perfect body, you'll finally be more beautiful. You'll be more liked. You'll be more valued. And you think you'll finally feel happier, more confident, more worthy. You think that there's going to be this magical shift or at least I did. That, your life has finally arrived. But the truth is having the perfect body brings you none of these things. What it does bring is a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety, a lot of pressure and a lot of time just trying to maintain this. This pressured that ensures that you keep your body looking this way at any cost because now it's your identity. So constantly everything that you do is based on this, the food that you eat or don't eat, the things that you do or don't do, the time that's spent at the gym or not spent at the gym. What your body looks like is now controlling you more than ever.
There is literally no peace because you need to continue to do all of these crazy unsustainable things that you did to get to this point. And since it's unsustainable, it can be exhausting. Trust me when I'm speaking from experience deep down on the inside, you know you won't be able to keep up with it forever. So the one thing I want to make clear is that having a perfect body does not bring you peace or a sense of arrival. It can oftentimes bring lots and lots of anxiety and stress and hangar. I remember this, during my prep even at my most quote, sustainable prep. But when I say sustainable I mean that I was not cutting out foods groups, but I was on point a 100% of the time. Prepping for my WBFF show, which I ended up winning my Pro Card, which news flash, the moment I got this title of pro and the moment I got the trophy and I was awarded it and I was called that and all of those things, nothing changed.
Literally, nothing changed in my life. If anything, I was now held to this standard of, oh my gosh, now that I'm a quote pro, what am I going to do next? And it was in that split second moment you guys, when I was receiving that Pro Card, and I've talked about this before in previous episodes. I remember vividly thinking to myself, this is the last time I will step on stage. I have quote achieved it all and I still don't feel any different. If anything, I feel more pressure and I don't want to live in that way. And so I told myself, I am never going to step on stage again for a bikini competition. For me, it was not worth it. It was not worth the time spent and the events that I missed, even though I was eating what I wanted I never missed a workout.
I never missed a minute of my cardio. I was on point. And it was because I was getting stage lean, which is not sustainable long term. That's why you see competitors and they may be lean for the month leading up or the few months leading up to their show. They might be lean a few weeks or a few months post-workout, where are they in three years. And if they're still very stage lean, are they truly enjoying their life? Are they truly eating the things that they want? Are they going to events and not stressing? Are they constantly worried about what they're looking like? You have to remember that it's not sustainable longterm. So reason number two, it causes more anxiety because you feel the pressure to keep up with it. Reason number three, you don't enjoy your life.
Because you now have your identity rooted in this perfect body and you now feel more anxious and stressed to keep up with your perfect body. This means you never allow yourself to actually have fun. With every get together with your friends or holiday party or every cookout or vacation or date night, with literally everything in your life you never allow yourself to be fully present in the moment because you're saying consumed on how it will affect fact your perfect body. So you don't have a drink. Or if you do have the drink, then you don't eat the food, or you skip everything altogether because you can't miss a workout. You don't give yourself wiggle room, with every sip and every bite you're not relaxing and enjoying, you're only thinking about the weight you're going to gain or how bloated you feel or how that Instagram pic that you're about to take is not going to look good. It's not fun.
I would much rather weigh five to 10 pounds more so I can actually enjoy the beautiful moments with my loved ones and actually live presently. Having a perfect body isn't worth sacrificing those unforgettable moments that will alternately lead you to live your happiest life. Reason number four, you never reach this point of quote, this is it. Because no matter how toned you are or how much weight you've lost, there's always going to be this more, more and more. For me I knew I was toned. I knew I had a six pack. I knew I had very low body fat, and yet I still had this part of me that was like, I need to be more toned. Or if I have a six pack, can I get an eight pack? If I'm sure shredded here, can I get a little bit more shredded there? I wanted to even have lower body fat.
It's like episode 44. The number one reason why you're not happy, where I discussed the disease of more. Which is ultimately our need for more taking away from our happiness. Having the perfect body just leads you to want to have an even more perfect body. There's no end point to it. There's no arriving. There's no satisfaction or greater happiness. And oftentimes when we think we'll be happy when, and in this case, we'll be happy when we have the perfect body. But when we get there, newsflash girl, you are still not going to be happy. There will still be something else or still be something more, or you'll still see somebody leaner or more shredded or prettier or whatever it is. The cycle just continues. You'll constantly be chasing this body, which leads you to actually never enjoy the body that you are in and live presently in your life.
Instead of striving for perfection or thinking you need more, I want to challenge you alter your thoughts to, even though I'm working on the body that I want, I still acknowledge and appreciate who I am, where I am and what I have in my life. You have to remember that you can live in this simultaneous state of wanting to continuously grow and get stronger, but you have to never forget to stop and appreciate where you are. And I've talked about this before, but I feel like when you live in this state of simultaneously having both, you actually enjoy the process more and it gives purpose to your goals so much deeper.
Because when you are acknowledging everything that you are, and the fact that you are alive and you're breathing and your lungs are working and you're healthy, and you're acknowledging that. And you're also acknowledging in the same moment, the goals that you have, it gives you so much gratitude in the moment every time you choose to move your body. So for me, yes, I have the goal of honoring my body with movement every single day for at least 30 minutes. It doesn't have to be a workout, it can be a walk, a jog, cooking, cleaning. I mean, it can be so many different things, playing at the park. So yes, I have this goal of doing that but at the same time, it gives that goal so much meaning every day when I'm acknowledging that I am so grateful that I have lungs that are working, that I can breathe properly. That I'm alive right now. And I was given another chance.
We never know our time on earth. We don't know when it's going to be over. And I know that might seem like a scary thought, but it's so important to keep that into perspective. Because I think constantly when we are running after this chase, this constant chase of having more, or when I do this, or it's like you forget to live in the moment. And this moment is truly all that you're promised. You're not even promised five minutes from now. So why not stop start living in the moment and with that the goal of achieving whatever you're chasing after will be that much sweeter because it comes from a deep state of gratitude.
Reason number five, you will be loved the same whether or not you have the perfect body. Honestly, the only person that cares about you having a perfect body is you. Your family members are not going to love you more or less whether you have a six pack or not. Your boss isn't going to think you're a better employee if you have a thigh gap. You're not going to be a better mom, wife, girlfriend, sister, daughter, or whatever role that you play if you don't have cellulite. Newsflash girl, cellulite is on 99.9% of bodies whether you see it on social media or not, I can promise you people have it, unless you're a professional athlete. And that is what you devote your time and energy and everything into there is no need for you to have a perfect body.
It's not going to improve your relationships. It's not going to improve your work. It's not going to improve your purpose. And in most cases, it will actually take away from those things because you're taking away your time and concentration and effort and energy on the things that really matter. And instead, you're focusing in on what morsels of food you eat every single second, how many minutes a week you're working out and what you look like in X, Y, and Z. It can consume your mind and then you're not spending any energy on the things that ultimately mean the most in this life. If someone does feel differently about you because you have a perfect body or because you don't, then that person is not someone to be in your life.
Seriously, if someone is concerned about your physical appearance and that's what they base how much they love you, or how much they talk to you, or don't talk to you, they don't deserve your time or your energy. The only people that matter are the ones who care about you, not your body, not for what your body is and not for what your body isn't. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to change your body. I think it's a 100% okay to work towards your goals, work towards changing your body composition. Whatever it is that you are trying to change if you go about it in a healthy and sustainable way, absolutely, 100%. I honor my body with movement every day, I nourish my body with what it needs every day. I work out about four to five times per week because I want to be healthy, strong, energized, and confident.
Not because I want my body to be perfect. To me, the perfect body represents deprivation, unhappiness, low energy and zero enjoyment. And that's coming from my perspective because I was in those shoes. I was in my quote, perfect body for time in my life, during my prep. And it was not everything that it's chalked up to be. So yes, by all means you can work towards changing your body. But I don't just want you to strive for perfection because trust me when I say perfection isn't worth it. So let's recap the five reasons why having a perfect body is not what you think. Reason number one, having the perfect body becomes your identity and where you place your worth. Reason number two, it causes more anxiety because you feel the pressure to keep up with it. Reason number three, you don't enjoy your life. Reason number four, you never reach this point of this is it.
No matter how toned you are, how much weight you've lost, there's always more, more, more. And reason number five, you will be loved the same whether or not you have a perfect body. Now, if you love this episode, I know you will also love episode 29, 10 things I wish I knew sooner. In this episode of Embrace Your Real, I shared 10 things that I wish I knew sooner on my fitness journey. These are things that when I look back at my 20 year old self, I desperately wish I would have known. And that's why I want to share them with you to hopefully make you aware so that you don't make these mistakes over a decade of your life too. I discuss everything from what triggers you to overeat. Why spending hours of doing cardio is a serious waste of time and why striving to gain male attention won't fulfill you longterm.
Seven more completely uncensored things. I really get raw and honest in this episode. So be sure to tune in to episode 29, I've included it in the show notes below so you can easily go, listen. If you have somebody in your life, whether it's a sister, a coworker, or somebody that you feel like maybe follows you. Whether it's someone that you don't directly want to send this to, but just kind of put it out on your social for hopefully them to see. I just encourage you to screenshot this, post it up on your Instagram story. Tag me, juliealeadbetter. I would love to know your aha moments. I would love for you to share this out with a few people that you feel this might help them.
Like I said, I have a goal of a million people being reached with the Embrace Your Real Podcast by the end of 2020. And I know that we can do this, but I cannot do it alone. So thank you again for sharing out. Thank you so much for tuning in. I appreciate you more than you know. I love you so much. And I'll talk to you guys in the next episode.
All right. So sister, that's all I got for you today, but I have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you're not already following me on the Gram, be sure to do so, juliealedbetter better. Yes, it's with an a in the middle. For that daily post workout real talk, healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode. Thank you so much for joining me. It means the absolute world and I'm going to leave you with one last thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely confident and secure in being authentically themselves. Remember that beauty goes so much deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace your real because your worth it.